Not comfortable with 15 month old sleeping over at in laws

[Reesy89]

Hi. I have a 15 month old daughter that co
sleeps with my partner and I. My mother and father in law are desperate to have her sleep over their house for the night. I’m not comfortable with this which is causing conflict between my partner and I. Yes I understand she’s getting a bit older and “needs to get used to being away from us”, but I’m so strict with my daughters routine. I also worry, my mother in laws physical health isn’t good and my father in law is a very loud snorer. I just don’t know how to say no, what if they roll on my daughter or she falls out of bed? Or suffocates. I just can’t cope with this stress and decision making.

I think I must live in a different universe. I first had my niece to sleepover when she was ten months old and her parents couldn't/wouldn't take her with them on an (essential) one night trip. Everyone survived and my sister and her husband were thrilled to get a full night's sleep.

No child ‘Needs’ to be away from their parents over night or at any time unless the parents want and agree to it. Stick to your guns OP

Say no. And definitely don't let them co-sleep with her. And stop co-sleeping with her yourself - so dangerous !

I always slept in my Nana’s bed when I was little, don’t think it’s weird at all.

She absolutely does not need to get used to staying away from you, at that age. Your in laws can spend quality time with her that doesn’t have to mean her staying over at theirs.

its not dangerous, maybe educate yourself. Cosleeping is safest in the countries where is it the norm like Japan.

Say no. Put them off saying when she's older and just keep delaying it until//if you feel comfortable. Children especially that young needs their parents and definitely do no need to get used to sleeping somewhere else.

Me too!
My two slept over with GP from age 6/7weeks, every week more or less. They loved it, GP loved it, we loved it. Never co slept though, isn’t that a big no no in case they get squashed?

I wouldn’t have liked it.

Some of the replies on here are ridiculous
ultimately there’s 2 camps on this

your ether fine with kids staying with GP
or you don’t want to be separated from your child overnight
NETHER of these are wrong

what other people do or don’t do is irrelevant so asking for opinions is a waste of time

so OP doesn’t want child to stay and DH does the difficulty is there at an impasse
who has the trump card for the final decision

it’s not about staying over. It’s about bullying.

DO NOT BE BULLIED!

You are a mom now, find your voice. If it doesn’t feel right then it’s not right and it’s not happening. The end.

My DS didn’t sleep away from his parents until he was 4. He happily goes on Cubs camps, school residentials and stays at his grandparents now, so no they don’t need to get used to it at 15 months.

15 months is very young even without the additional problems described. How about if DH goes too?

I agree it's up to mum where her child sleeps and when.
But...I feel strange reading all the replies
I have co- slept with my dgs since he was a similar age.... what's the co sleeping issue?
Mum happy as am i, yes I'd prefer him in his own cot/bed but that's not how he rolls lol...
I do anything to help out.

Thank you for your words of sense. I do not understand the idea of people wanting tiny children to sleep over for fun. If there is a good reason (parents unwell/away) - yes, but why oh why do some grandparents push this as a regular thing? So bizzare.
Stop pushing children and babies to grow up too fast.

Just keep saying no thank you. Your child doesn't need to get used to you not being there. Mine is 4.5 and hasn't spent a night anywhere 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mine was 3 years old and only because I was in hospital having my second. My second child was 4 when they had their first sleepover. Personally never felt the need and I just didn’t want to.

You don't. I live in yours. There are lots of us. On here, there is a lot of anxiety about sleepovers at any age, some of it sensible, some of it excessive. My DD had sleepovers from being 14 or 15 months with a family I have known since being a teenager. It was a very sociable house, with streams of visitors. Apparently, I should have been checking who would be in the house when she was there. Later, she often slept at the house of a friend with an older brother. Some would say I should have seen him as a risk. Years ago, when I lived in London and was single, I used to have the baby of the owner of the mini-cab company next door overnight to rescue him from the chaos of being in the noisy office all night. As I had no cot, he slept with me. Irresponsible father or grateful neighbour?

As I have already said, I think this is about trust and the unique circumstances of each family. Rules in this situation cannot cover everything.

It’s not that unusual for a baby of this age to spend overnights with gp, but up to you, obviously. What I can’t quite get over is the suggestion that she would sleep in the same bed as your in-laws! That’s bizarre. What put that idea in their heads?

Children need to be comfortable staying with other people in case one of the parents is ill or they have to go to another town to help parents or attend a wedding. At 15 months no the DC were happy to stay with grandparents. The main job of parents is to enable their children to be independent adults.

to this I used to reply: baby can get used to bring around other people in the daytime with their mum still next to them

I don’t understand why they want to do it. They do realise baby is going to wake frequently and be unsettled without you being there. Me and my DH came along to our toddlers first sleepover. After a few hours of disturbed sleep the grandparents were so exhausted and asked us to take over. Our toddler slept soundly with us for the rest of the night

Go with your gut, if you cannot trust them with your child over night and plus you don’t want to anyway then there’s no need for you to comply. Just say when she’s ‘older’ sure.

This. They can help out during the day and do plenty of babysitting for you.

Why does your infant need to get used to being away from you?