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Original poster

Devastated ove daughter’s break up

91 replies

Salvcx · 05/05/2025 16:21

My 19 year old daughter’s boyfriend broke up with her a couple of nights ago. They have been going out since she was 17. I honestly thought or hoped they would go all the way. He was such a nice person and they had a great relationship. This news has come out of the blue and completely devastated me, and I just feel really overwhelmed with grief. I want to be strong for my daughter, so hiding my feelings from her, hence speaking about this on here. I am upset for my daughter and can’t bear that she is heartbroken but I also feel like I’ve lost a son.
Has anyone else gone through similar and any advice on how to cope.

OP posts:
W0tnow · 05/05/2025 16:24

You’re not supposed to end up with the boy you date as a teenager. Also, it’s healthy to spend a good chunk of your early adulthood as a single person. You haven’t lost a son.

vodkaredbullgirl · 05/05/2025 16:25

Bit dramatic, relationships come and go. Just be there for your DD.

GreenSedan · 05/05/2025 16:25

This is a very strange reaction OP.

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19 years old Families
WeAreAllBucked · 05/05/2025 16:26

Not directly but happened with close friends. They adored DD’s boyfriend of about 4 years. Parents got on so well together. Everybody just loved everyone! Then bang they split up. Father was literally devastated. You just have to support your daughter but I can understand totally why you are upset. We worry who are kids are going to be with and if you like the person and build a relationship with them it is hard on you too when they leave.

Parker231 · 05/05/2025 16:26

Your reaction does seem excessive. They are teenagers, boyfriends and girlfriends usually last a few months and they move onto the next. Time for her to have some wild fun as a teenager.

RobinHeartella · 05/05/2025 16:28

You have to detach, it's really unfair on your dd if she feels she needs to manage your emotions on this. She's so young, it was vanishingly unlikely to be a long term relationship.

I've seen this happen twice, though both times with sons; my grandma got really attached to my uncle's long term girlfriend, and when they broke up, she was openly devastated and she and my mum kept seeing her (the dumped gf) to console her. I was a young teen but even I could see it was messed up and disloyal and giving the exgf false hope she'd rejoin the family. My mum's best friend did this with her son's girlfriend too, literally sobbed at her son when he broke up with his gf. In both cases the sons went low contact with their mums for a while as a result, and in my uncle's case, never introduced a gf to his mum again, until springing her on us 1 month before their wedding!

Tldr - you'll drive your dd away if you carry on like this, pull yourself together, no one has died or got ill

LittleBearPad · 05/05/2025 16:29

You haven’t lost a son. Don’t be dramatic

MrsPlantagenet · 05/05/2025 16:29

My mum cried and cried when I split from a long term boyfriend as a teen. It really didn’t help me.

SlagPit · 05/05/2025 16:29

Very dramatic. It's fine, she'll be ok.

HotCrossBunplease · 05/05/2025 16:31

Surely you would not have wanted her to marry a boy she had started dating at 17? Don’t you have any ambition for her to experience all that life has to offer?

grafittiartist · 05/05/2025 16:31

I completely understand!
my sons first girlfriend was wonderful and felt like part of the family.
I was really upset when they broke up.
He’s with an amazing girl now. Also part of the family.

WeAreAllBucked · 05/05/2025 16:32

OP said she is hiding her feelings from her daughter and turned to mumsnet. Please can we not be so hard on her!!

Enrichetta · 05/05/2025 16:32

Forget about the boyfriend and focus on supporting your daughter…

PermanentTemporary · 05/05/2025 16:33

I'll be gutted if ds splits up with his girlfriend because I really like her and she's made him really happy. But I'll get over it pretty quickly if she's no longer making him happy
Glad you're just venting here and maintainng a stiff upper lip otherwise Flowers

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 05/05/2025 16:34

It is hard. My youngest parted company with her boyfriend/partner of ten years - they'd been together since they were seventeen, and I miss him. He and I had a lot in common and would spend time rabbitting on about our mutual interests. But I support her in her decision to leave, and I now think of him as a convivial workmate who has moved on elsewhere.

Darkambergingerlily · 05/05/2025 16:34

It’s good for her to have a few different relationships before finding the one

Original poster
Salvcx · 05/05/2025 16:34

Thanks for the comments. I think because it’s a first break up and also the first one of my children its happened to, It’s hard. I realise she is very young and still has her whole life ahead of her, I guess as my daughter starts to feel better it may not feel as painful once she starts being happy again.

OP posts:
pilates · 05/05/2025 16:37

Try and not let her see how upset you are but it’s only natural when they meet a good one and you have built a friendship.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/05/2025 16:38

You have to be prepared for this kind of thing with teen relationships. You can't afford to get too invested as they are so very young.

My dd has been with her bf for 3 years. I have got to know him well and I'm very fond of him. I have also got to know his family and his mum is really lovely. I know that they're fond of dd too.

At the moment, they think they will be together forever, and who knows, perhaps they will. But they're very young and it's way too much pressure to expect them to stay together indefinitely. It's my job as a parent to stay detached from any particular outcome and to simply support my dd however things turn out.

You seem to have got over-involved in a relationship that wasn't yours. Time to take a step back, be there for your dd and keep a little bit more distance the next time.

PiggyPigalle · 05/05/2025 16:46

My daughter had several boyfriends pass through her life. I especially liked one though and when he broke up with her, I did shed a tear. I've never told her though.
It's sad when someone's often in the house, staying over, eating and socialising, then suddenly you won't ever see them again. That's apart from your daughter's hurt.
I can only assume that those hard nuts who don't understand, aren't at that stage yet with their kids. It's horrible to see them hurting.

MimiSunshine · 05/05/2025 16:47

get a grip woman. You wanted the boy your daughter dated age 17 to be her forever person?

you’re far too invested. Tell your daughter to put her favourite outfit in the wash and make plans with her friends to go out clubbing this weekend, to see if any friends want to book a summer holiday and to fill her diary with adventures. These are her years for living and adventures.

ohyesido · 05/05/2025 16:48

Are you projecting somehow? Did you yearn for a son years ago but never conceived one?

Firenzeflower · 05/05/2025 16:50

When I broke up with my teenage boyfriend I genuinely think my mum would have preferred to keep him and get rid of me.
Sorry OP it's very hard when this kind of thing happens.

IButtleSir · 05/05/2025 16:53

Salvcx · 05/05/2025 16:21

My 19 year old daughter’s boyfriend broke up with her a couple of nights ago. They have been going out since she was 17. I honestly thought or hoped they would go all the way. He was such a nice person and they had a great relationship. This news has come out of the blue and completely devastated me, and I just feel really overwhelmed with grief. I want to be strong for my daughter, so hiding my feelings from her, hence speaking about this on here. I am upset for my daughter and can’t bear that she is heartbroken but I also feel like I’ve lost a son.
Has anyone else gone through similar and any advice on how to cope.

I also feel like I’ve lost a son.

Fucking hell, @Salvcx. You are ridiculous and offensive. Imagine how someone who had ACTUALLY lost a child would react upon reading that? Get a bloody grip.

Bridestone · 05/05/2025 16:58

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 05/05/2025 16:38

You have to be prepared for this kind of thing with teen relationships. You can't afford to get too invested as they are so very young.

My dd has been with her bf for 3 years. I have got to know him well and I'm very fond of him. I have also got to know his family and his mum is really lovely. I know that they're fond of dd too.

At the moment, they think they will be together forever, and who knows, perhaps they will. But they're very young and it's way too much pressure to expect them to stay together indefinitely. It's my job as a parent to stay detached from any particular outcome and to simply support my dd however things turn out.

You seem to have got over-involved in a relationship that wasn't yours. Time to take a step back, be there for your dd and keep a little bit more distance the next time.

Good post from @MrsBennetsPoorNerves (her nerves are clearly a better judge of relationships than her mouth…?😀) — OP, it’s obviously understandable that you’re privately upset, as you liked him, but I think you need to invest less in teenage relationships, recognise that break ups are almost inevitable, and to be glad your daughter isn’t stuck for life with a relatiinship first formed at school! (I met DH at 19 and were now in our 50s, so teenage relationships can work, but it’s pretty rare.)

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