Devastated ove daughter’s break up

[Salvcx]

My 19 year old daughter’s boyfriend broke up with her a couple of nights ago. They have been going out since she was 17. I honestly thought or hoped they would go all the way. He was such a nice person and they had a great relationship. This news has come out of the blue and completely devastated me, and I just feel really overwhelmed with grief. I want to be strong for my daughter, so hiding my feelings from her, hence speaking about this on here. I am upset for my daughter and can’t bear that she is heartbroken but I also feel like I’ve lost a son.
Has anyone else gone through similar and any advice on how to cope.

I could have written this when I was in your position.
We’re ten years further on now and I am SO pleased she didn’t end up with that first love.
I know how easy it is to get really fond of the lovely boy who’s made your daughter so happy but love at this age doesn’t usually go the distance and that’s fine.
Keep your own grief as private as possible and be there for her. Treat her and build up her confidence again and encourage her to have fun with the girls.
My daughter was single for a year or so then had another two year romance. Single for a couple of years and finally met her husband (a MILLION times better/ more ‘right for get’ than the previous two) when she was 26.
Strap in, OP. You’ll likely have more ups and downs to come - it’s all part of the adventure.

Don’t be so utterly ridiculous, you have absolutely no idea of the details.

thank you so much, your kind words really mean a lot.

Yes likewise

Some really bizarre responses on here, bollocking OP on things she has specifically said she hasn't done!

OP, I've not been through this personally but it doesn't seem that weird to me.

Hope your DD is OK.

Thank you @researchers3

I get it, a similar thing happened between my DS & his GF. They had been together 4 years from about 18 yrs old. She practically lived at our house and I grew very fond of her. Eventually they broke up and I absolutely missed her a lot. I didn't show my upset in front of my DS and I don't think he was ever aware of it. Your DD is young and like most of us, will no doubt get her heartbroken again before meeting " the one".🌹

I'm not sure I'd say I was devastated but I was really sad ,other things were going on at the time too which added to the feeling. I didn't really know I'd become invested in the relationship like that really. It's a learning curve.

A very strange reaction. Far too young to be so concerned!

I hear you OP. I loved my oldest son’s gf to bits. When he finished with her after 3 years I was devastated as was she. It was like having a little daughter ripped away from me. We kept in touch for ten years. She never thought she could be happy again. Well she is now. She has a lovely partner and a baby daughter. My oldest son has met “the one” and they are expecting their first child next month. Out of love and respect for his new gf I’ve finally let the first gf go but she’ll always have a place in my heart

You do not want your daughter to be with her 17 year old boyfriend forever - trust me

I agree with this, if you meet the right person for you, it doesn’t matter if you are young (or old..). I have four friends who are still very happily with their first boyfriends, it is a lovely thing if it works out.

Same here! If I’m honest I’ve never really forgiven my Mum for her reaction tbh.

Having lost a son I can tell you it is not the same

If you are genuinley devestated you need therapy

I didn't bring anyone home until I was about 20. I had boyfriends before then.

DD2 had a boyfriend from age 15 to 16, just over a year. He was a sweet boy but I was glad they split up long before it got to the stage of them thinking about university/jobs etc as the more tied you are to someone the more it affects decision making, in a way that you may regret a few years later.

Nasty

It was a suggestion

I understand totally OP. We open our homes and our hearts to our DC’s GFs and BFs, welcome them and enjoy their company. I too was very upset when the first break up happened, I’m less invested nowadays (easy as current BF is absolutely awful).

My dad had this - we are an all girl family and he really clicked with my sisters first teenage boyfriend. When dsis dumped him dad went off for a walk on his own at night (mid winter). He got back and announced he was never getting close to any boyfriend again. He’s always been lovely and polite but has held back - though we all long married now.

I had no idea parents got so invested in their children’s relationships. My parents had very little contact with my boyfriends. Or even with my husband.

How are these boyfriends even spending so much time with the parents?!

Mind blown.

Weird post - why is your mind blown? Some families actually enjoy each others company and spend time together.

You’ve had some really nasty responses on here @Salvcx
I totally get how you’re feeling because my DS broke up with his girlfriend of almost three years recently. They’re mid twenties but I thought they’d be together for the long haul. Marriage, kids etc.
It was mutual between them (and she still messages me occasionally)because we were close and I’ve had her practically living here and I miss her hugely! So I totally know where you’re coming from.

I had a boyfriend from age 17-19 and he basically moved in with me and my mum for a summer because his mum was too conservative to let me stay over. He came to all our extended-family dinners (in my mum's culture that's a thing) and basically got absorbed into my family.

When he dumped me I was devastated but my mum very carefully kept any of her own emotions out of it.

Actually the same grandma who I was criticising upthread for the way she reacted to my uncle's breakup, must have learnt from that, when she found out he'd dumped me and I was devastated she just barked "if I ever see him I'll kill him" and never said another word about it. Really appreciated that.

Two of my DDs married their bfs whom they met at 16 and are very happy with families of their own. They weathered the separation of uni and stuck by each other. It is not always a bad thing.