Starting a family

[LittleLamb93]

Sorry if I am posting in the wrong section

We are going to start trying for a baby later this year/ early next year and in preparation, I have started to look into everything baby/ parenting.

We are both eating healthy nutritious food, exercising regularly, and I will take folic acid when we start TTC. I have also started to save for my maternity leave and I have chosen a new car (mine is on its way out so makes sense to get something more practical now rather than later).

If you could go back in time, what would you tell yourself or what would you tell a friend? What do new parents forget/ don’t always prepare for?

I don’t have any friends with babies/ children so I am spending quite a bit of time reading up on everything. It would just be nice to hear from mums. I don’t want to be sucked into buying loads of stuff we don’t need!

Start the folic acid now😊 advice is at least 3 months before starting to TTC but there’s no harm in starting it early. Good luck!

The best thing we did in pregnancy was to work our way around our junk be quite ruthless in getting rid of things we don't need any more and improving the storage in each of our cupboards. Babies and kids come with stuff sorted your stuff out before you are faced with theirs on top of it whilst sleep deprived!

We bought very little ahead of time - car seat, pram, cloth nappies and small amount of clothes. What we could get second hand we did and only once we decided what we needed. Once we got her home we knew what size she was and what clothes worked for her and bought more of those. I soon realised I hate sleep suits and when we finally made the switch to PJ's I was happier. I'm expecting number 2 now and will probably use PJ's sooner I kept persisting because of the narrative that sleep suits were easy. Keeping 4 limbs in one garment long enough to fasten it was a nightmare!

Thank you - I had no idea, I’ll start now 😊

Funnily enough, my DH suggested we book a week off work to declutter the house and spruce it up a bit so we will be having a proper declutter in the next month or so 🤞🏻

Also a good idea not to buy too much stuff and work out what you actually want to use rather than rushing to buy it all beforehand. Thank you 😊

A lot of the parenting comes naturally or is just common sense, spend your energy preparing for birth and breastfeeding 💜 do a good hypnobirthing course that covers everything from home birth to C-section. Really understand the physiological process of how we give birth. There's a great podcast called The Hypnobirthing Podcast which covers so much info and is obviously free. For breastfeeding, and feeding in general, I love Olivia Hinge on Instagram.

For TTC, there is a much recommended book called Real Food for Pregnancy but Lily Nichols. It is excellent x

Definitely try to resist buying everything, in reality you don’t need as much as you think/the internet and books tell you! And there’s always Amazon Prime for anything else you need! I also mean this in a very positive way because I know it’s a really exciting time, but don’t forget to keep on living whilst you are TTC. You never know how long it will take - if it doesn’t take long then it’s a lovely time with your partner and if it takes a bit longer it helps to still find joy in the life you already have.

Make sure you have enough storage space for all your new photos and videos on your phone! Go through and delete anything you don’t need, upgrade your storage plan or get a new phone.

best wishes, enjoy the journey!

What an exciting time! Replying with a not so exciting necessity, but I'd sort out how you approach finances with your DP now. 50/50 or proportional doesn't really work when you have DC in my opinion.

The mum naturally sacrifices more career wise. Pregnancy, birth, post-partum all cut in to your progression at work. If you want to go back part-time, or end up being the default parent looking after school runs or sick days, that all has an impact too. And if you take unpaid leave, you likely won't be paying in to a pension for that time period either.

Plus decide how pregnancy related expenses will be shared. You'll need prenatals, a new wardrobe for pregnancy and maybe one postpartum if you can't fit back in to your clothes, dental cleanings, and your hair will grow out faster so if you dye it you'll be visiting the salon more. And all the hospital bag bits for mum get pricy fast.

I'd also recommend getting your DP on a vitamin too. Male factors are one of the biggest causes of miscarriages, and aren't talked about that much.

Best of luck with the preparation journey!

Thank you for the recommendations - I will look at these 😊

I think that is a really good point, and one we have discussed. We are trying to be laid back with it all although, appreciate that isn’t always easy!

All very good points! Finances is definitely something we need to discuss in more depth. We are very good at communicating about finances but in this case, we won’t know how much things cost, what our outgoings will increase by until the time comes so we need to be as prepared as we can be by trying to come up with some sort of new budget.

I am in a professional role and the higher earner so will stay F/T (I say this before even trying for a baby and appreciate my view on this may change but the plan is I will go back F/T). Also discussed getting a nanny if we have multiples which is common in my family.

I anticipate that I will need to contribute more to the household expenses so I have already started saving for my maternity leave. I intend to take the full year off on mat leave so need to save as much as I can beforehand. Apparently I will still pay into my pension during mat leave (according to colleagues).

DH has already started taking vitamins but we could do with looking into whether these are the “right” ones 😊

i agree declutter and get some storage

car wise get a family crap wagon if you ever want to take a family holiday in the uk a mpv is great for all the kids crap .look on auto trader if you buy with a car dealer you usually get a month or two cover with the car ,so if there is something wrong you can take it back. The less miles the better and try to keep it under 40mpg its better value

yeah i didn't started buying baby stuff till i was 6 months its better that way keep the house clear as long as possible lol

When you buy a pram consider how much space it will take in the car and how heavy it is

axkid and cybex car seats have a great safety track record

We love a UK staycation so a practical family car is definitely high priority for us.

Pram needs to be something I can take out in the countryside so nothing fancy but never thought of the weight of it - something to remember when the time comes for pram shopping.

Enjoy your time together as a couple - date nights, weekends away and holidays you really want to do, Sundays having long lies doing absolutely nothing but drinking coffee and watching a box set in peace. Having a baby certainly hasn't restricted our ability to get out and about but life will be very different once a baby arrives so just enjoy being a couple until then.

Also recommend getting as fit and healthy as possible. I was super fit first time round and pregnancy was a breeze compared to my second now. I never recovered my fitness between pregnancies and this pregnancy has really taken its toll physically compared to my first.

Definitely check your husband doesn’t expect you to ‘cover your mat leave’ with your savings. You need to know he sees you as a team and his money is shared money.

Also double check you are both doing things around the house (not just him doing lawn mowing and you doing all the washing up). This is KEY

Yeah think about it if you ever visit London for example try lifting that thing up and down tube stations. If not London a weighty chunky pram is still off putting for travel in general .Your probably looking for something with inflatable tires then but there also some fantastic baby carriers .Just keep in mind the upright carriers are better than sling ones as its easier to see how they are breathing. Easier to to make sure nothing to close to their face so they have room to breathe

i love taking mine camping going with my three children beginning of June 14,5 and 5 months by then .Kids love running around a field

I may sound very naive here but do you think having a coffee in bed when baby comes along is completely off the cards? We often spend an hour having our coffee first thing, chatting about the week ahead and I’d really miss those mornings! I can understand with a toddler there would be limited leisurely time but maybe when baby is small and sleeps quite a bit? 🤞🏻

Any advice/tips on how to maintain a strong marriage are always welcome too. We’ve been together all our teenage and adult lives so we are the very best of friends and a real team but I know relationships change and adapt when babies come along. Hopefully, it’s not as bad as I’m told it is! 😂

I earn significantly more than him so I will need to cover my mat leave (realistically speaking). It will all go into the same pot but what he contributes now cannot massively increase because his wages only go so far. I hope I’m making sense?

We work well as a team and I have no doubt he’ll pull his weight 😊

I hope I never have to go to London with a pram! Sounds like he’ll 😂 I’m a country girly through and through!

Camping is so good for the soul. We love it! Cornwall and Wales are fabulous. Hoping to visit the Lake District at some point this year 🤞🏻

You might be one of the lucky ones but you will probably hate him at times. I don’t see many mum friends who don’t hate their husbands at least part of the time

I’d do exactly what I did again. Stay up late and sleep in. Go to all those restaurants you want to try. Drink all the cocktails. Have weekends away together. Go travelling (I took my last pill before we started TTC while backpacking through India 3 days before we flew home, I was pregnant with dd 6 weeks later).

Honestly, none of this healthy eating stuff. Don’t worry about a car (you could write it off before then). Go live your best life and have fun together. You will not get these days back. I can count on one hand the nights Dh and I have had away alone in 12 years! Go enjoy each other. That’s the best thing you can do.

And no you will not be having coffee in bed and chatting once you have a baby. 😂 If you even manage to still be in bed, one of you (whoever drew the long straw will be dozing). I get coffee in bed twice a year, Mother’s Day and my birthday, but not with Dh.

yeah had to visit my sister glad shes moved haha

camping with kids is great but personally i keep to the more commercial sites when mine are young its easier .They tend have ehu,toilets showers so ask for a pitch near facilities ,makes it easier

my fave being westfeet holiday farm ,it has private family bathrooms and excellent facilities .

Weymouth really good for kids it has a lovely sandy beach right next to the town so if the kids need anything its all in reach. There's nearby sealife with splash park,sandworld,abboutbury tropical garden,fantasy island fun park,monkey world and tank world.So you make a really nice holiday

If you are the higher earner then take a look at shared parental leave. I had 13 months off with my first and 7 with my second, but DH had the next 6 months off so both babies started childcare at a year old each time. This includes annual leave on either side of maternity leave.

I have a good social life and have done lots of lovely things with friends post babies but we don’t have a lot of childcare for the children so we haven’t done much as a couple. So enjoy your time together as a couple, doing things together.

Wow, it sounds like your life was full of fun and adventure! I hope you get to go back to that when the children are a bit older 🤞🏻

I feel incredibly lucky that we met as a young age so we’ve spent more than half of our lives together having fun. I am hoping that can continue, albeit, in a different way or maybe less often.

This sounds fantastic! I’ll be writing these recommendations down 🙌🏻