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Original poster

Starting a family

92 replies

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 13:04

Sorry if I am posting in the wrong section

We are going to start trying for a baby later this year/ early next year and in preparation, I have started to look into everything baby/ parenting.

We are both eating healthy nutritious food, exercising regularly, and I will take folic acid when we start TTC. I have also started to save for my maternity leave and I have chosen a new car (mine is on its way out so makes sense to get something more practical now rather than later).

If you could go back in time, what would you tell yourself or what would you tell a friend? What do new parents forget/ don’t always prepare for?

I don’t have any friends with babies/ children so I am spending quite a bit of time reading up on everything. It would just be nice to hear from mums. I don’t want to be sucked into buying loads of stuff we don’t need!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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TropicofCapricorn · 28/04/2025 23:39

Oh and READ READ READ to your baby. Even from a few weeks old. Read everything to them.
We read to them every single day.

The local library will literally have hundreds of books. Charity shops have hundreds of books.

Don't worry about "stimulating" your baby or worrying about her getting bored. No need to pay £12 a week for baby sensory class etc. life itself is hugely interesting to your baby. They will be fascinated by windows, washing machines, keys, trees etc

Original poster
LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:41

Werp · 28/04/2025 23:38

I did most of the cooking before pregnancy, but was very sick during and couldn’t face it. I felt too nauseous and fatigued to even think about what to eat so lived on cereal for weeks. If I got pregnant again I would prepare with my partner some ideas of what might be palatable and healthy to eat in advance for him to offer me - for me I eventually discovered I could sometimes eat watermelon, cucumber, soy yoghurt, plain wholewheat noodles. Very specific to my pregnancy and our former division of labour but if you handle more of the food side it could be worth having a plan for if you can’t. Then fingers crossed it won’t be necessary.

I don’t do any cooking at all which sounds a total blessing if there are food/ smell aversions during pregnancy. A friend of mine lived off rich tea biscuits for most of her pregnancy!

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Pinkdreams · 28/04/2025 23:42

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:28

I keep getting adverts pop up for baby carriers so that's a must have. My DH has asked for one for when we go on long walks too so will need to look at one for pottering around and then the more hiking friendly type.

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Yes I’d definitely recommend researching as the one I got isn’t that great, really hurts my back but there are some really good ones out there! Also if you have any questions feel free to ask, I love talking about this stuff xx

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LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:44

TropicofCapricorn · 28/04/2025 23:39

Oh and READ READ READ to your baby. Even from a few weeks old. Read everything to them.
We read to them every single day.

The local library will literally have hundreds of books. Charity shops have hundreds of books.

Don't worry about "stimulating" your baby or worrying about her getting bored. No need to pay £12 a week for baby sensory class etc. life itself is hugely interesting to your baby. They will be fascinated by windows, washing machines, keys, trees etc

Definitely! I have a little library corner planned for our home and a nice comfy chair so I can breastfeed there and also read to baby. Reading was my absolute passion as a child, and as a dual language family, it will be even more important for us 😊

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Original poster
LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:45

Pinkdreams · 28/04/2025 23:42

Yes I’d definitely recommend researching as the one I got isn’t that great, really hurts my back but there are some really good ones out there! Also if you have any questions feel free to ask, I love talking about this stuff xx

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I am sure I’ll be back on here to ask all the questions at each stage 😊

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Yourethebeerthief · 29/04/2025 06:31

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:44

Definitely! I have a little library corner planned for our home and a nice comfy chair so I can breastfeed there and also read to baby. Reading was my absolute passion as a child, and as a dual language family, it will be even more important for us 😊

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If you and your partner speak different languages you should strongly consider doing one parent one language.

Beyond that, you may get lucky, but brace yourself for the sleep deprivation and for learning things about you, your partner, and your relationship which might shock you. Seek help if you feel like you’re struggling with post natal depression and be aware that this can also manifest as post natal anxiety or rage. Sometimes you’ll bloody hate your husband. Sometimes you may want to shake your baby. Share the load, get every scrap of sleep you can, and get help when you need it.

Original poster
LittleLamb93 · 29/04/2025 07:35

Yourethebeerthief · 29/04/2025 06:31

If you and your partner speak different languages you should strongly consider doing one parent one language.

Beyond that, you may get lucky, but brace yourself for the sleep deprivation and for learning things about you, your partner, and your relationship which might shock you. Seek help if you feel like you’re struggling with post natal depression and be aware that this can also manifest as post natal anxiety or rage. Sometimes you’ll bloody hate your husband. Sometimes you may want to shake your baby. Share the load, get every scrap of sleep you can, and get help when you need it.

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Going into this with eyes wide open and as prepared as we can be 🤞🏻

I do love the idea of one parent one language.

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Superscientist · 29/04/2025 12:55

Join the library! Our library tots up how much you have saved each year by loaning books one year it was £500 for my daughter and £200 for me. There's loads of parenting books too and then if they aren't right for you you can return them having not cost you anything. I have tried to get back into reading too. In the early days of pnd I could only manage teen fiction and got a bunch of e books through the borrow box app which were good for long nights awake feeding and holding my daughter.
The that's not your series is lovely but they getting tiring quickly. It was lovely to be able to trial a whole range of them. We bought our favourites.
There were other books we got from the library that i thought she would love but was quite nonplussed with so I was happy to return those.
Library's often run free baby classes too and it's nice to be able to meet other mum's. I reconnected with an old school friend having bumped into them in the library when they were there for a class and we were returning some books! We now see each other regularly

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LittleLamb93 · 29/04/2025 13:16

Superscientist · 29/04/2025 12:55

Join the library! Our library tots up how much you have saved each year by loaning books one year it was £500 for my daughter and £200 for me. There's loads of parenting books too and then if they aren't right for you you can return them having not cost you anything. I have tried to get back into reading too. In the early days of pnd I could only manage teen fiction and got a bunch of e books through the borrow box app which were good for long nights awake feeding and holding my daughter.
The that's not your series is lovely but they getting tiring quickly. It was lovely to be able to trial a whole range of them. We bought our favourites.
There were other books we got from the library that i thought she would love but was quite nonplussed with so I was happy to return those.
Library's often run free baby classes too and it's nice to be able to meet other mum's. I reconnected with an old school friend having bumped into them in the library when they were there for a class and we were returning some books! We now see each other regularly

I need to find a local library! This sounds wonderful and reading is very important to me. I know we have library vans that drive around so I’ll need to look into where they are parked up and when, a library that does classes sounds wonderful 😊

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123EndOfRope67 · 29/04/2025 13:25

Take the holidays you really, really want NOW. I know you think you can travel with a baby but really, you can't do anything adventurous, proper hiking or that requires changing hotels every few days, long flights whatever.

We did loads of travelling in the 18 months before starting TTC, went to places we really wanted to go to. And it was the best thing ever.

Superscientist · 29/04/2025 13:52

LittleLamb93 · 29/04/2025 13:16

I need to find a local library! This sounds wonderful and reading is very important to me. I know we have library vans that drive around so I’ll need to look into where they are parked up and when, a library that does classes sounds wonderful 😊

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You aren't restricted to your local library. We use the library in the next town in a different county over as it had opening times that matched my nonworking days. It was in the same borough as my parents so I can borrow books from their library and return to ours which has been handy.

Original poster
LittleLamb93 · 29/04/2025 14:00

Superscientist · 29/04/2025 13:52

You aren't restricted to your local library. We use the library in the next town in a different county over as it had opening times that matched my nonworking days. It was in the same borough as my parents so I can borrow books from their library and return to ours which has been handy.

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This is good to know! I think the closest will be around a 40 minute drive but will look into it further 😊

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Original poster
LittleLamb93 · 29/04/2025 15:59

123EndOfRope67 · 29/04/2025 13:25

Take the holidays you really, really want NOW. I know you think you can travel with a baby but really, you can't do anything adventurous, proper hiking or that requires changing hotels every few days, long flights whatever.

We did loads of travelling in the 18 months before starting TTC, went to places we really wanted to go to. And it was the best thing ever.

Will have to have a good think about where we want to go and what we want to do 😊

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123EndOfRope67 · 29/04/2025 17:17

Also, a word of warning from my very wise GP when I went to her about getting my coil out: do not put your life on hold when you're TTC. You can have a glass of wine, have coffee, eat whatever, go on holiday, go out, live your life. TTC can take, even for a very fertile couple, 3-6 months. Up to 12 months is normal and healthy.

You will drive yourself insane if you start restricting your life based on TTC.

I have a friend who conceived her first instantly, within a month. Took them 3 years to conceive a second. A colleague had 2 in quick succession but it took her 5 years to conceive the first (no IVF). Experiences really vary.

Superscientist · 29/04/2025 17:38

123EndOfRope67 · 29/04/2025 17:17

Also, a word of warning from my very wise GP when I went to her about getting my coil out: do not put your life on hold when you're TTC. You can have a glass of wine, have coffee, eat whatever, go on holiday, go out, live your life. TTC can take, even for a very fertile couple, 3-6 months. Up to 12 months is normal and healthy.

You will drive yourself insane if you start restricting your life based on TTC.

I have a friend who conceived her first instantly, within a month. Took them 3 years to conceive a second. A colleague had 2 in quick succession but it took her 5 years to conceive the first (no IVF). Experiences really vary.

Just to add to this and say try not to go all out with the monitoring and testing you can drive yourself loopy. There is a place for monitoring your cycle and testing for ovulation but it's not always necessary. I have conceived 4 times taking between my first and 4th cycle doing nothing more than having sex when we wanted to have sex. My plan has always been to give my body 4 months to do it's thing, then try targeting sex around my fertile week and then testing for ovulation. My logic has always been that if I got all out with testing straight away there's no where to turn to and timetabled sex loses its sparkle. Trust nature then give it a helping hand. I'm an obsessive type and I know I absolutely would get obsessed with tests so I have always held off to start with.

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LittleLamb93 · 29/04/2025 18:09

123EndOfRope67 · 29/04/2025 17:17

Also, a word of warning from my very wise GP when I went to her about getting my coil out: do not put your life on hold when you're TTC. You can have a glass of wine, have coffee, eat whatever, go on holiday, go out, live your life. TTC can take, even for a very fertile couple, 3-6 months. Up to 12 months is normal and healthy.

You will drive yourself insane if you start restricting your life based on TTC.

I have a friend who conceived her first instantly, within a month. Took them 3 years to conceive a second. A colleague had 2 in quick succession but it took her 5 years to conceive the first (no IVF). Experiences really vary.

Wonderful advice - I shall certainly try! I am sure it’s easier said than done but I’m keen not to lose myself too much in the process 🤞🏻

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Original poster
LittleLamb93 · 29/04/2025 18:12

Superscientist · 29/04/2025 17:38

Just to add to this and say try not to go all out with the monitoring and testing you can drive yourself loopy. There is a place for monitoring your cycle and testing for ovulation but it's not always necessary. I have conceived 4 times taking between my first and 4th cycle doing nothing more than having sex when we wanted to have sex. My plan has always been to give my body 4 months to do it's thing, then try targeting sex around my fertile week and then testing for ovulation. My logic has always been that if I got all out with testing straight away there's no where to turn to and timetabled sex loses its sparkle. Trust nature then give it a helping hand. I'm an obsessive type and I know I absolutely would get obsessed with tests so I have always held off to start with.

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We sound quite similar, I think I’d become quite obsessed over tests/ ovulation etc. I’ll do my best to stick to this. Having a timeline sounds like a good option so I can work on not being OTT from the start but to gently increase the “help” over the months if needed. Thank you 😊

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