Page 3 | Starting a family

LittleLamb93 · 2025-04-28T12:04:53+00:00

*Sorry if I am posting in the wrong section* We are going to start trying for a baby later this year/ early next year and in preparation, I have started to look into everything baby/ parenting. We are both eating healthy nutritious food, exercising regularly, and I will take folic acid when we start TTC. I have also started to save for my maternity leave and I have chosen a new car (mine is on its way out so makes sense to get something more practical now rather than later). If you could go back in time, what would you tell yourself or what would you tell a friend? What do new parents forget/ don’t always prepare for? I don’t have any friends with babies/ children so I am spending quite a bit of time reading up on everything. It would just be nice to hear from mums. I don’t want to be sucked into buying loads of stuff we don’t need!

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 21:30

Zippymonkey · 28/04/2025 21:28

@LittleLamb93 yes do get lots of sleep now! The really irritating thing for me is that even when DS is sleeping 11 hours a night now he is a bit older my body won’t let me sleep!! It’s so annoying as I used to be a deep sleeper 😂

My aunties have mentioned this! They used to be deep sleepers but now a pin could drop and they’d be up, then there is the struggle to sleep again 😂

OP posts:

PollyPeep · 28/04/2025 22:10

@LittleLamb93 On the flip side of sleep deprivation though, and as a positive, the amount of sleep you need to function decreases dramatically. Pre-kids, I could barely function on 7 hours sleep. Like, taking a day off work level 😆 And now, give me 6 hours solid sleep and I can handle anything. Having kids is wild! You may find that you become more resourceful, patient and selfless than you could possibly imagine. All enforced of course (!) but still I do think it's the making of a lot of people.

Mushroo · 28/04/2025 22:16

I went into everything with a solid plan. I’d researched everything to the ends of the earth but some things that took me by surprise:

how much I really wanted to breastfeed. Before she arrived it was a ‘great if it works, otherwise formula is fine’. But once she was here it was like a primal urge and I cried so many times through the pain! (Check for tongue tie! It became so much easier after that and I’m still breastfeeding at 16 months, another thing which has taken me completely by surprise).

I thought my life would change, but we have grandparents on hand for date nights etc. I actually haven’t wanted to leave her for a night, which is completely the opposite of what I thought I would be like as a parent.

You will go through a phase of absolutely hating your other half. We’ve been together over 10 years, really didn’t expect that to happen, but my god, some days I could have murdered him. Sleep deprivation is tough!

Look round nurseries as soon as you’re pregnant. It’s weird but depending on your area waiting lists are really long.

Enjoy it! Is so easy when you’ve ’been there and done it’ to say oh, just be chill! Babies are babies! But actually, enjoy planning, buying all the clothes, attending all the classes. Make the most of it.

And you probably can have the coffee in bed at the start, but you will most likely be getting every second of sleep you can.

Purplepandabears · 28/04/2025 22:22

If you can, try budget your life according to a 4 day work week for you. That way if you want to go back full-time it's an added bonus for your household income rather than a need to have. It might take pressure off you - some women can't wait to get back to work and some dread it. You really don't know which you'll be until you're in the thick of it.

And take all the advise and warnings with a pinch of salt! Yes sleep deprivation is awful. Yes it will try any relationship. Yes it is so much harder being a mum than a dad, no matter how much you think you'll be an equal team. But the absolute and utter magic of motherhood can't be written down. Your whole heart grows for them. I think a lot of us would say our "mum years" are our very best. You have so much joy waiting for you. ❤️

cornflourblue · 28/04/2025 22:22

Don't have too rigid ideas about anything, your birth plan, how you'll feed your baby, your parenting style, retuning to work etc.

Find a good network of other new mums (through baby groups, ante natal classes), it's great to have support from others going through what you are.

But! Don't compare yourself to other mums or your baby to other babies.

What I did with DC2 that I wish I'd done first time round was took to my bed for a couple of weeks and just fed the baby. Lots of skin to skin and rest. DH and my DM did everything else around the house.

First time round I had loads of visitors, was rushing round trying to keep the house tidy, go out shopping, meeting friends and trying to maintin my pre baby life. It was a disaster. Second time I felt really rested and recovered, established good feeding and had energy to keep bonded with my toddler.

MarioLink · 28/04/2025 22:36

Start folic acid right away in case you conceive quickly as it's best to have been taking it for three months.

Appreciate how spontaneous your life can be now and do any grown up things you've been putting off like trying a new sport or visiting a new city as there may not be time or energy for several months/years (or you may get a very easy portable child).

Make sure you both do your fair share of household tasks now as if one person is doing more and it's you that will be a lot harder with a baby to take care of.

Secure large furniture and TVs to the wall so they can't tip on toddlers. This includes chests of drawers. If you have a pond get rid or fit a secure grill on top that will take the weight of a child.

Have a good clear out as kids have lots of stuff.

Check local schools in case you might want to move closer to good ones.

Original poster

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 22:56

PollyPeep · 28/04/2025 22:10

@LittleLamb93 On the flip side of sleep deprivation though, and as a positive, the amount of sleep you need to function decreases dramatically. Pre-kids, I could barely function on 7 hours sleep. Like, taking a day off work level 😆 And now, give me 6 hours solid sleep and I can handle anything. Having kids is wild! You may find that you become more resourceful, patient and selfless than you could possibly imagine. All enforced of course (!) but still I do think it's the making of a lot of people.

I could really do with this little benefit! 😂

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 22:59

Mushroo · 28/04/2025 22:16

I went into everything with a solid plan. I’d researched everything to the ends of the earth but some things that took me by surprise:

how much I really wanted to breastfeed. Before she arrived it was a ‘great if it works, otherwise formula is fine’. But once she was here it was like a primal urge and I cried so many times through the pain! (Check for tongue tie! It became so much easier after that and I’m still breastfeeding at 16 months, another thing which has taken me completely by surprise).

I thought my life would change, but we have grandparents on hand for date nights etc. I actually haven’t wanted to leave her for a night, which is completely the opposite of what I thought I would be like as a parent.

You will go through a phase of absolutely hating your other half. We’ve been together over 10 years, really didn’t expect that to happen, but my god, some days I could have murdered him. Sleep deprivation is tough!

Look round nurseries as soon as you’re pregnant. It’s weird but depending on your area waiting lists are really long.

Enjoy it! Is so easy when you’ve ’been there and done it’ to say oh, just be chill! Babies are babies! But actually, enjoy planning, buying all the clothes, attending all the classes. Make the most of it.

And you probably can have the coffee in bed at the start, but you will most likely be getting every second of sleep you can.

Breastfeeding will be very interesting. I’m definitely of the “great if it works” mindset right now so I wonder if that changes like it did for you.

I am dreading hating him! He’s my best friend 😂 As sad as that sounds!!

Thank you for taking the time to give me your advice 😊

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:01

Purplepandabears · 28/04/2025 22:22

If you can, try budget your life according to a 4 day work week for you. That way if you want to go back full-time it's an added bonus for your household income rather than a need to have. It might take pressure off you - some women can't wait to get back to work and some dread it. You really don't know which you'll be until you're in the thick of it.

And take all the advise and warnings with a pinch of salt! Yes sleep deprivation is awful. Yes it will try any relationship. Yes it is so much harder being a mum than a dad, no matter how much you think you'll be an equal team. But the absolute and utter magic of motherhood can't be written down. Your whole heart grows for them. I think a lot of us would say our "mum years" are our very best. You have so much joy waiting for you. ❤️

My mum genuinely beams when she tells me about raising us, she really does remember those years fondly and says they were the best years of her life ❤️

I count myself as very lucky, work are flexible and I can go part-time if I really want to, I can condense my hours, etc - I have options which is amazing 😊

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:04

cornflourblue · 28/04/2025 22:22

Don't have too rigid ideas about anything, your birth plan, how you'll feed your baby, your parenting style, retuning to work etc.

Find a good network of other new mums (through baby groups, ante natal classes), it's great to have support from others going through what you are.

But! Don't compare yourself to other mums or your baby to other babies.

What I did with DC2 that I wish I'd done first time round was took to my bed for a couple of weeks and just fed the baby. Lots of skin to skin and rest. DH and my DM did everything else around the house.

First time round I had loads of visitors, was rushing round trying to keep the house tidy, go out shopping, meeting friends and trying to maintin my pre baby life. It was a disaster. Second time I felt really rested and recovered, established good feeding and had energy to keep bonded with my toddler.

I will definitely need to work on not being in total control, not having set plans and trying to go with the flow a bit. That doesn’t sit well with my personality 😂

Sounds wonderful! I have seen that in quite a few cultures, mother and baby stay at home for a period of time (around 30 days) and MIL and DH run the household and feed mum etc. We are just not set up to support families in the UK anymore!

OP posts:

TropicofCapricorn · 28/04/2025 23:05

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 22:59

Breastfeeding will be very interesting. I’m definitely of the “great if it works” mindset right now so I wonder if that changes like it did for you.

I am dreading hating him! He’s my best friend 😂 As sad as that sounds!!

Thank you for taking the time to give me your advice 😊

Show quote history

Yes, it's easy to be "fed is best" before. I cried so much when I couldn't feed baby after a few weeks as I wasn't producing enough milk. I couldn't even look when DH fed her a "bottle of poison" I felt like I'd failed as a mother and cried for days whilst I was feeding her from a bottle.
It took me a yti realise what was wrong. Id been to LLL who said "it must be your technique,let's see..." It was textbook latch, they kind of didn't know what to do after that.

But you get over it. She wasn't feeding for over an hour a time multiple times a day, it got easier. And now I'm grateful that we live in a world where our babies have an alternative to breastfeeding and they can thrive.

Original poster

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:07

MarioLink · 28/04/2025 22:36

Start folic acid right away in case you conceive quickly as it's best to have been taking it for three months.

Appreciate how spontaneous your life can be now and do any grown up things you've been putting off like trying a new sport or visiting a new city as there may not be time or energy for several months/years (or you may get a very easy portable child).

Make sure you both do your fair share of household tasks now as if one person is doing more and it's you that will be a lot harder with a baby to take care of.

Secure large furniture and TVs to the wall so they can't tip on toddlers. This includes chests of drawers. If you have a pond get rid or fit a secure grill on top that will take the weight of a child.

Have a good clear out as kids have lots of stuff.

Check local schools in case you might want to move closer to good ones.

Some brilliant ideas - Schools/ nurseries is a big one!

Luckily, no ponds but we will need to baby proof the open fires so need to add that to the list 😂

OP posts:

whatsausername · 28/04/2025 23:08

talk about the roles grandparents/in-laws will play before there is a baby in the midst of any arguing

Original poster

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:09

TropicofCapricorn · 28/04/2025 23:05

Yes, it's easy to be "fed is best" before. I cried so much when I couldn't feed baby after a few weeks as I wasn't producing enough milk. I couldn't even look when DH fed her a "bottle of poison" I felt like I'd failed as a mother and cried for days whilst I was feeding her from a bottle.
It took me a yti realise what was wrong. Id been to LLL who said "it must be your technique,let's see..." It was textbook latch, they kind of didn't know what to do after that.

But you get over it. She wasn't feeding for over an hour a time multiple times a day, it got easier. And now I'm grateful that we live in a world where our babies have an alternative to breastfeeding and they can thrive.

Show quote history

I really admire anyone who even tries, it just sounds super painful. I have heard horror stories with mastitis too!

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:10

whatsausername · 28/04/2025 23:08

talk about the roles grandparents/in-laws will play before there is a baby in the midst of any arguing

This will be an interesting one! Lots of characters given both sides are divorced and remarried.

OP posts:

TropicofCapricorn · 28/04/2025 23:17

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:09

I really admire anyone who even tries, it just sounds super painful. I have heard horror stories with mastitis too!

Show quote history

It was really easy for me, the breastfeeding. Like I say, textbook. Not a sore nipple in sight.

I just wasn't producing enough milk.

It's different for everyone and incredibly emotional.

Nothing can prepare you for how much you will love this helpless little potato.

Nothing you do will be harder than having a baby. But,it is THE BEST.

chouxchoux · 28/04/2025 23:23

Hope you don’t mind me placemarking OP. In a very similar life stage to you atm (and also the higher earner in my relationship) so this is fascinating to read!

Original poster

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:25

TropicofCapricorn · 28/04/2025 23:17

It was really easy for me, the breastfeeding. Like I say, textbook. Not a sore nipple in sight.

I just wasn't producing enough milk.

It's different for everyone and incredibly emotional.

Nothing can prepare you for how much you will love this helpless little potato.

Nothing you do will be harder than having a baby. But,it is THE BEST.

Show quote history

Potato 😂
Thank you for sharing! It is really good to hear everyone’s stories. I feel completely clueless on all things baby!

OP posts:

Pinkdreams · 28/04/2025 23:25

My DD has recently turned one so I feel my memories are rather fresh.

pregnancy

start buying bits each month as waiting until 6+ months makes it so stressful and a rush

Stock up on nappies, wipes and clothes. We bought and received so many different brand and sizes of nappies, we didn’t actually need to purchase any until DD was at least 3 months, as little as it seems it’s one less thing to worry about when baby is here. Clothes the same, we bought in multiple sizes and didn’t need to buy anything until she was 6 months unless we were out and saw something we liked.

everyone says it but please relax, rest and enjoy every minute of it, I hated being pregnant, I was sick, back pain, struggled to walk, looking no back I miss it so much and wish I toon the time to rest

Baby
I found the first month or two, my DD would t sleep all night until 5am, I would then force myself to get up and ready for around 9/10 as we would always have visitors etc, I was so tired. After this I finally started not worrying about visitors, they could visit later in the day, sleep while baby sleeps, everything else can wait

BABYWEAR I always said I wouldn’t use a carrier/sling, what’s the point etc, from around 3 months until 6 months my DD was so clingy and needy, I think she was frustrated as she wanted to be up and about but couldn’t, I found myself holding her all day, if we were out she would scream and scream in the pram, I struggled to go anywhere or get anything done it was so stressful, at 6 months I bought a carrier and I swear I wish I got one sooner it’s a game changer!

Original poster

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:26

chouxchoux · 28/04/2025 23:23

Hope you don’t mind me placemarking OP. In a very similar life stage to you atm (and also the higher earner in my relationship) so this is fascinating to read!

Absolutely! It all feels a bit “new” and overwhelming but it’s been brilliant to hear the stories and get the advice from mums 😊

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:28

Pinkdreams · 28/04/2025 23:25

My DD has recently turned one so I feel my memories are rather fresh.

pregnancy

start buying bits each month as waiting until 6+ months makes it so stressful and a rush

Stock up on nappies, wipes and clothes. We bought and received so many different brand and sizes of nappies, we didn’t actually need to purchase any until DD was at least 3 months, as little as it seems it’s one less thing to worry about when baby is here. Clothes the same, we bought in multiple sizes and didn’t need to buy anything until she was 6 months unless we were out and saw something we liked.

everyone says it but please relax, rest and enjoy every minute of it, I hated being pregnant, I was sick, back pain, struggled to walk, looking no back I miss it so much and wish I toon the time to rest

Baby
I found the first month or two, my DD would t sleep all night until 5am, I would then force myself to get up and ready for around 9/10 as we would always have visitors etc, I was so tired. After this I finally started not worrying about visitors, they could visit later in the day, sleep while baby sleeps, everything else can wait

BABYWEAR I always said I wouldn’t use a carrier/sling, what’s the point etc, from around 3 months until 6 months my DD was so clingy and needy, I think she was frustrated as she wanted to be up and about but couldn’t, I found myself holding her all day, if we were out she would scream and scream in the pram, I struggled to go anywhere or get anything done it was so stressful, at 6 months I bought a carrier and I swear I wish I got one sooner it’s a game changer!

I keep getting adverts pop up for baby carriers so that's a must have. My DH has asked for one for when we go on long walks too so will need to look at one for pottering around and then the more hiking friendly type.

OP posts:

TropicofCapricorn · 28/04/2025 23:31

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:28

I keep getting adverts pop up for baby carriers so that's a must have. My DH has asked for one for when we go on long walks too so will need to look at one for pottering around and then the more hiking friendly type.

Show quote history

Just buy these things as you need them. Especially the hiking one, see if you actually do go on these king walks! They're all over marketplace and easy to pick up.

Unused a stretchy wrap sling from birth personally, they're brilliant.

TropicofCapricorn · 28/04/2025 23:35

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:25

Potato 😂
Thank you for sharing! It is really good to hear everyone’s stories. I feel completely clueless on all things baby!

Show quote history

We're all clueless.

The good thing about babies, is they can't do everything all at once. So you can get things sorted then something new happens.

All you have to do is feed them, talk to them and cuddle them and keep them warm at first. Then a few weeks later,you might start getting them to smiy and they can keep their heads up. So you get used to that. Then they start rolling... So you can get that sorted. Then they start eating... We just gave her breakfast at first. Then gradually introduced dinner...then lunch etc...

Biggest game changer is when they stop pooing overnight 🤣🤣

Werp · 28/04/2025 23:38

I did most of the cooking before pregnancy, but was very sick during and couldn’t face it. I felt too nauseous and fatigued to even think about what to eat so lived on cereal for weeks. If I got pregnant again I would prepare with my partner some ideas of what might be palatable and healthy to eat in advance for him to offer me - for me I eventually discovered I could sometimes eat watermelon, cucumber, soy yoghurt, plain wholewheat noodles. Very specific to my pregnancy and our former division of labour but if you handle more of the food side it could be worth having a plan for if you can’t. Then fingers crossed it won’t be necessary.

Original poster

LittleLamb93 · 28/04/2025 23:39

TropicofCapricorn · 28/04/2025 23:35

We're all clueless.

The good thing about babies, is they can't do everything all at once. So you can get things sorted then something new happens.

All you have to do is feed them, talk to them and cuddle them and keep them warm at first. Then a few weeks later,you might start getting them to smiy and they can keep their heads up. So you get used to that. Then they start rolling... So you can get that sorted. Then they start eating... We just gave her breakfast at first. Then gradually introduced dinner...then lunch etc...

Biggest game changer is when they stop pooing overnight 🤣🤣

Edited

Show quote history

It all sounds so simple when you put it like that but I’m such a regimented person by nature and career 😂

I am just glad my DH is more laidback than me and will just take it all one day at a time and remind me that we can just learn as we go along.

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