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Original poster

MIL drops kids off Boxing Day

80 replies

Mumof3andahampster · 27/12/2024 05:42

I’m a house proud mum of 3 that likes to entertain. For Boxing Day we invited both mine and DH family over for buffet and games. My DH’s SIL is a single mum and her parents do a lot for her. She brought her kids over stayed 5 minutes and said she wasn’t feeling well and left them with us to look after, granted her parents were there and she felt that they were in their care but they are young kids. It meant me trying to sort food, games and watch them as they need constant reminders to take shoes off, not eat upstairs etc. I suppose I’m just coming on to rant and wondering if I should say something, not invite them next time or just try to loosen up? For background, this isn’t the first time that this has happened. If she can get away with anyone else watching the kids she will.

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GrazeConcern · 27/12/2024 05:46

It’s hard to tell what you’re most annoyed about, so hard to say what right way forward is. I don’t think shoes off and no eating upstairs is unreasonable, but equally lots of little kids in a party situation would need reminding of this. Or are you more annoyed about your SIL taking advantage of family, it might be a pattern she’s fallen into.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 27/12/2024 05:48

She’s a CF.

MrsKwazi · 27/12/2024 05:49

YANBU but you have no way of addressing this without looking like a total bitch. Meet up at the IL’s instead, or stop entertaining them for a couple of years till the kids gave grown a little .

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Original poster
Mumof3andahampster · 27/12/2024 05:54

GrazeConcern · 27/12/2024 05:46

It’s hard to tell what you’re most annoyed about, so hard to say what right way forward is. I don’t think shoes off and no eating upstairs is unreasonable, but equally lots of little kids in a party situation would need reminding of this. Or are you more annoyed about your SIL taking advantage of family, it might be a pattern she’s fallen into.

Yes I feel like they were left for me to watch over. Everyone was drinking and our kids are old enough for us to do so, they joined in with the games etc. I had to sacrifice my own enjoyment with family to keep an eye on her 3 children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof3andahampster · 27/12/2024 05:59

MrsKwazi · 27/12/2024 05:49

YANBU but you have no way of addressing this without looking like a total bitch. Meet up at the IL’s instead, or stop entertaining them for a couple of years till the kids gave grown a little .

Thanks I think you’re right, I just won’t ask them in future for a while. Which is a shame! It just keeps ending up when she is invited that she drops off kids and goes. I thought that Boxing Day would have been different!

OP posts:
Ladybyrd · 27/12/2024 06:04

If DH was there why was it on you to look after them? GPs too. I would have loosened up and left everyone to it if you were busy. She totally is a CF for doing that mind you.

Original poster
Mumof3andahampster · 27/12/2024 06:09

Ladybyrd · 27/12/2024 06:04

If DH was there why was it on you to look after them? GPs too. I would have loosened up and left everyone to it if you were busy. She totally is a CF for doing that mind you.

DH doesn’t have much of a relationship with them, I think it annoys him that she does this and as you said.. he kind of left them to it.

OP posts:
SometimesCalmPerson · 27/12/2024 06:10

She gets your invitation for family time and hears free childcare. Stop inviting her.

GrazeConcern · 27/12/2024 06:19

It is cheeky, and I’d be annoyed too, although I agree you DH should have taken more responsibility. How old are the kids?

Original poster
Mumof3andahampster · 27/12/2024 06:27

GrazeConcern · 27/12/2024 06:19

It is cheeky, and I’d be annoyed too, although I agree you DH should have taken more responsibility. How old are the kids?

They are 4, 6 and 9. DH would tell me not to ask them next time as he thinks she’s taking advantage of my efforts.

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 27/12/2024 06:35

Well then he needs to be sending the invites if it’s his sister or saying oh sorry your not feeling well… niece nephew x and y time to leave as mum needs to go home …

Fundays12 · 27/12/2024 06:55

Stop inviting them if it was a one off and she unwell it's understandable but she is taking the mickey. My experience is the more help some people get the less they do and are able to do with there kids. Personally I would be not inviting anyone on boxing day. I won't be next year.

CrispieCake · 27/12/2024 07:09

It's irritating but I guess she feels that since you're family, you'll step in to look after the kids. You need to disabuse her of this impression.

There are parents at my DS's school who drop their 6yo and run at every party without checking that someone is keeping an eye. They were lucky to get him back after the last party when he decided to leave the venue and head straight towards the busy main road. Luckily one mum and kid had to leave early and she brought him back in and asked others to keep an eye. No one had noticed.

Ladybyrd · 27/12/2024 07:32

@CrispieCake Yes we had that at our child's party. Two parents checked it was ok to leave their sons, then one hit the other one while they were gone 🤦‍♀️ I wouldn't leave mine at 7 because he's hurt himself twice badly at parties now. Tonnes of sugar and over excited kids aren't a good combination.

I wouldn't even drop and leave with family as I think it's just rude. I think the mum is being blatant about not wanting to have a connection with the family by doing that, but it would be a shame for her children to lose out on bonds with extended family because of her.

Radio4head · 27/12/2024 07:43

Your in laws and DH shouldn't have left it to you to supervise your SIL's kids. That's thoughtless and selfish, when you were organising food etc.

Edingril · 27/12/2024 07:47

Mumof3andahampster · 27/12/2024 06:27

They are 4, 6 and 9. DH would tell me not to ask them next time as he thinks she’s taking advantage of my efforts.

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So don't martyr yourself

buttonousmaximous · 27/12/2024 07:54

My sil has form for doing this. She leaves kids with in-laws (my Lin laws her parents) and we end up looking after them. Really irritates me as our don has additional needs and dn just riles him. Plus other Dn is under one so needs a lot of care.

YellowGuido · 27/12/2024 08:01

Agree with a lot of the previous comments, particularly about your DH stepping up and saying something (as I don’t think it’s fair that you might have to do so)
However - for SIL to leave her children on Boxing Day and miss out on time with them and the rest of you - are you sure she’s okay / coping?

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 27/12/2024 08:10

It would annoying me too but could it be that she doesn't really like you/ her brother but feels she doesn't want her children to miss out on the relationship/ fun?

Either divide up the families (which would be my preference unless they are all really good friends) or make it more clearly not appropriate for them. 'Come over from 7 onwards, Sorry only children over (insert age of your youngest) because it was too hectic for them last time.'

Moonshine5 · 27/12/2024 08:20

It must be hard being a lone parent and Christmas is a season of goodwill. There were lots of adults around from what you described OP, I would drop it and continue to include her. We never know what's going on in someone's personal life. In a year or two the children will be more mature. But obviously up to you, your house.

Itisjustmyopinion · 27/12/2024 08:22

Why are you martyring yourself?

Several other options that would have been better than what happened

”MIL if you are not well then you are going to have to take the kids with you as we will be busy hosting to look after them”

“SIL can you please look after your kids” (and ask them to leave if she doesnt)

Or better still DH should be having these conversations with his family

”DH either you sort out the food and drinks or look after the kids, I am not doing both”

Nc546888 · 27/12/2024 08:28

I feel for SIL perhaps she is not being CF but actually really struggling and not coping

MumonabikeE5 · 27/12/2024 08:31

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 27/12/2024 05:48

She’s a CF.

Or maybe she has been parenting solo and is exhausted, and knows she won’t be good company and would really like a bit of time alone.

surely there are other kids there, and her kids can play with the cousins?

itsgettingweird · 27/12/2024 08:31

Dh needed to put his sisters kids in his car and take them back home to their mum.

ElsaSnow · 27/12/2024 08:31

Yea it's cheeky if it's a regular thing. However, if it were my nieces/nephews I would want them there as I love them and my kids would want to see their cousins so I would suck it up for a family get together.

Just get them to take shoes off as soon as they arrive and put them in a cupboard until they are leaving then that's the shoe issue solved - with the food are you not all eating together in one room at the same time? Or is that they are coming back for snacks after main meal? If it's snacks just put them away out of sight and if they want a snack they'll have to ask you and at that point you can see yes/no but only at the table or whatever. Then unless any of the kids have Sen or are particularly boisterous and likely to break something or hurt someone else surely it's safe for a 4,6&9 yo to play in your house without constant supervision? If your kids have special toys they don't want the younger ones to play with put them away until they are gone is what I'd do.