MIL drops kids off Boxing Day

[Mumof3andahampster]

I’m a house proud mum of 3 that likes to entertain. For Boxing Day we invited both mine and DH family over for buffet and games. My DH’s SIL is a single mum and her parents do a lot for her. She brought her kids over stayed 5 minutes and said she wasn’t feeling well and left them with us to look after, granted her parents were there and she felt that they were in their care but they are young kids. It meant me trying to sort food, games and watch them as they need constant reminders to take shoes off, not eat upstairs etc. I suppose I’m just coming on to rant and wondering if I should say something, not invite them next time or just try to loosen up? For background, this isn’t the first time that this has happened. If she can get away with anyone else watching the kids she will.

So is he though. He's watching you run after three kids, sort food bad games bad his attitude is "well I don't like the kids do I'm not helping"

Dh needs to step up and sort it. And his parents.

When kids arrive, tell them house rules are no shoes, no food upstairs etc and that you'll be cross if they don't do this.

But also, lighten up a bit. A few crumbs won't make your house fall down.

I’m always told by MIL that mine are ‘lucky’ as they get taken places etc and that I should include SIL children more as they miss out

It sounds like SIL isn’t the only entitled one! Whenever she says that, say, ‘I’ve got my hands full enough with my own children, thank you!’

I would get your DH to tell his sister/parents that they are taking the piss expecting you to look after her kids. He doesn’t seem to be helping much so far, so it will be good for him to speak up a bit.

See your family at your house and let someone else host your husband’s family dos. We never have both sides at once. If SIL pulls stunts like that, then it’s your MIL/FIL who can deal with poo incidents and shoes. I’d be tempted to feign an illness and go home myself whenever she does!

If MiL ever asks, ‘why don’t you host big dos at your house any more?!’…tell her!

Or, you/DH can host but he can tell her in advance that if she’s not well, then she doesn’t come. He needs to tell her that it was out of order to just go home and leave her kids with you and to never do that again.

I probably do need to lighten up abit, I’m not that bad though! I host often it’s just that I am house proud as I said before and one jumped over my cream couch after being down the muddy garden last time they came. Slime put all over living room carpet the time before. My children eat in their rooms etc it’s just that I can’t trust them to do the same.
I just won’t ask in future as suggested on here and will just say why if asked. If it was a child’s party I wouldn’t have minded as much but I had all my family over and wanted to spend time with them.

it’s just that I am house proud as I said before and one jumped over my cream couch after being down the muddy garden last time they came. Slime put all over living room carpet the time before.

I would be really pissed off with that-you are not being unreasonable!

She wasn’t well and she’s family.
Suck it up! I’m sure you’d hope someone would do the same for you in the circumstances!

Did she leave them with you or with PIL? They arrived with PIL therefore I'd assume they were left in their care not yours.
Did you just take over the care of them or were you asked?

Not sure why you have titled this "MIL drops kids off Boxing Day".

The text describes it is your sister-in-law who claimed to be ill and left HER children at your home. Not your Mother-in-law. Why is MIL getting the blame here?

You've also said "My DH’s SIL" is a single mum and her parents...., granted her parents were there....

So isn't this your husband's sister, not his sister-in-law?

Anyway, if there were 10 kids in total, including yours and some from your side of the family, there were a lot of other adults there besides you. Your husband, his parents and possibly some relatives from your side of the family. Why are all these people sitting back and ignoring the 10 children? Your problem lies more with them.

And if your own children are allowed to eat upstairs, it's a little unfair to pick up on the visiting children doing the same thing. You can't have different "rules" for the cousins you like better and your own children than for your nieces and nephews you don't prefer.

At a family event, the entire family should be the "Village". Yes, your sister-in-law may or may not be genuinely unwell, but it's all the other adults who could have pitched in with food, games and watching the kids, rather than putting their feet up, leaving you to juggle everything, who have let you down.

Focus some of your attention and disquiet there.

How did you conclude: "They arrived with PIL therefore I'd assume they were left in their care not yours."

The OP says "SIL is a single mum and her parents do a lot for her. She brought her kids over stayed 5 minutes"....

However I agree that the parents-in-law should have stepped up to keep an eye on the children. As well as the poster's husband.

I think it's fair enough if she is genuinely unwell. It would have been rubbish for the kids to have to go home early with her if they'd just got excited to see everyone and not great for her to have to deal with that if she was really ill.

But if its a regular occurance then my guess is she's not coping well and she's leaning too heavily on others and has maybe even lost her confidence in her own ability to cope. As a lone parent I'm torn on this because on one hand I'm tempted to advise you not to invite her to things if she's going to manipulate the situation to suit herself, but then at the same time if she's struggling you don't want the kids missing out and her becoming more isolated either. To me spending time in that type of environment would feel like a break, to be able to socialise and know that my kids are entertained and I just need to keep an eye on them is much easier. I would tread carefully and maybe try to do some digging and see what the dynamic there actually is before you make a decision.

Was she genuinely ill?

It’s hard to say. She didn’t look unwell, had a full face of makeup up etc but said she had a headache. It’s a regular occurrence that she says she’s unwell if it means not having her own children

I have done it for her many times and no she wouldn’t do the same.

Sorry I’m new to this and have got some abbreviations wrong, it was my SIL who brought her children over and then left. She is my husband’s sister.
On this occasion, I didn’t let anyone eat upstairs, I wasn’t unfair to anyone.
I disagree with the last bit, my side of the family were mainly there and they shouldn’t need to look after her children on Boxing Day! That was my main issue, it was a ‘family’ day not drop your children and go. Any other time we have and would have but it wasn’t appreciated and she didn’t ask ‘is this okay?’ ‘I feel bad but don’t want the children left out..’ sort of thing. It was a drop and go quickly.

She is definitely cheeky .

@Mumof3andahampster your sil is a lazy cheeky shit! bet you any money, if you had gone to her house she would have been on the sofa, having a drink and watching tv or out to the pub with her mates!

He shouldn't have. It's his family. They're there because of him. He's the problem here.

Your mother in. Law isn't the issue here

@Mumof3andahampster just tell her that she wont be doing that again at your house!! take the bull by the horns!

You say: my side of the family were mainly there and they shouldn’t need to look after her children on Boxing Day!

Okay, but some of the children were their own children and grandchildren? So children generally needed to be kept an eye on? So it's just extending to a few more?

And why did the additional children mean that you, alone, meant me trying to sort food, games and watch them?

The fact remains that there were plenty of adults to share the overall load and it seems that you received little help with anything. If not looking after children, then food? games? cleaning up?

You seem solely focussed on the extra few kids and too willing to let all the other adults - from both sides of the family - off the hook.

The other children are older and entertain themselves, they dont need ‘watching’ as such. We get together often and they make their own fun and can be trusted to do so whilst dipping in and out of our games.

You should have said to her, that’s a shame, x,y,z let’s get your shoes and coats on, I’ll get you some treats to take home with you, mummy’s not feeling well. And if she asks you to have them, say no, you’ve got too much to do to look after them, she either needs to stay and take them with her.

Yeah she's a cheeky witch by sounds of it. Happy to drop her kids at the drop of a hat under the pretence of 'feeling ill' just stop returning the favour and don't let her drop them and run the next time.

She didn’t really give me any choice, she kind of just left and said.. I’m going as I don’t feel well’ and then was gone. I didn’t know the kids were staying.. it’s gonna need to be that she isn’t asked in future. We were all due to go away for the weekend once, I had booked and invited PIL to come with us. SIL said she was ill then and her children ended up coming and staying in the house we had rented with us. It’s just always any reason to dump them off somewhere.

That sucks @Mumof3andahampster then you’re right just stop inviting her and if she asks, tell her why. Why shouldn’t you get to enjoy your time