I wanted a child for years. I used to get very upset about being childless. I couldn't go to a resturant without getting upset. Now I feel like a fool.
I finally had a child 5 months ago. I admit I'm not taking to motherhood very well. I feel so fucking stupid :(
When we were TTC I thought that my mum could look after DD from time to time. I thought I'd be able to express GALLONS so I could hand DD to DH and grab some time to myself (this expectation wasn't helped by a friend who could claim she could express so much that she had a freezer full). And before anyone says, "why did you have a child if you just want to hand them to everyone else" - I have not been apart from my baby for longer than 2 hours IN HER ENTIRE LIFE. It's not unusual to go for 2 months without being apart from her for even 30 minutes. I am going CRAZY. If you think I'm being selfish then I'd love to hear it.
Well the relaity has been different to my pregnant expectations. I can now express 2 oz at a time. It's just not worth it.
My marriage is at braking point. My husband and I argue all the time. We resent eachother. I resent him for having a life, time alone and brakes. He resents me for being depressed all the time (no I'm not going to take anti-depressents before anyone suggests it. I do not like them).
Whenever we argue DH always says "well you wanted this for years?! You nagged for this!"
and he's right. What can I say? How can I answer that? Our miserable state is MY fault. I wanted a child for years. I am SO FUCKING STUPID.
Basically I want to know: does anyone feel like I feel? Has anyone felt like this in the past? What made life better?
DD deserves better than this. What is best for her?