Lyra, Oggs, Berrie, Zeb and Binkle....OVER HERE!!!!

[binkleandflip]

He'd have only used his shaving foam on his custard pies!

Thanks Berrie

My. What a huge axe he has. I'll stand if you don't mind. It's rather uncomfortable to sit at the moment .

Had a lovely day. I've done bugger all .
Have read my book, pottered in the garden taking arty photos (none of which came out looking remotely arty ) and will be having a long soak in the bath tonight. No wine or nuffink. I'm being sooo good.

You are a skinny saint!

Bugger you Oggs!!! You only went and got the pressie I was going to give you. Hugh with his huge axe... I hope he took his jacket off so you cop a full view of all those muscles.

What was the novel? Anything good? Or some terribly trashy bodice ripping Mills & Boon?! All in all I hope you had a fab day.

Thanks Zeb S'okay, I won't turn down a second helping of Huge Hugh.

Does he do any shirt getting off in Paperback Hero? I've not seen it yet. It might be an option for tonight.

Curse that bloody black hole masquerading as a safe place - I've still not found Cold Comfort Farm

The book is just one I got from the library, a thriller. Can't even remember what it's called.

Flippin 'ec. Send Hugh over here will you, I've had a crap day!
DD did another poo on her bedroom floor. She'd taken her own nappy off this time. First I knew she'd apperared downstairs with poo down her leg and squished out of each side of her sandals. I followed her footprints upstairs to find a metre square of mashed in poo. She'd obviously walked round and round trying to get it off.

Dh is out and the last couple of days, I have feared that I might be going down again. Tonight I decided to be proactive and sort out all the things that are getting me down anyway before I get worse and can't do it and then feel worse still. So I scrubbed the kitchen floor, sorted out my mountain of washing and then decided that if Dh couldn't be bothered to put the telescope box and the binliners of children's clothes waiting to be given to my siblings in the loft, then I was jolly well going to stuff them in the caravan. (Loft a 2 person job)

So picture the scene, the caravan door a metre or so up on a hardstanding...only acsess from grass below. Me with 6 heavy bin bags using a flimsy plastic kiddie slide to climb up into caravan. Well it buckled and turned over and I landed sort of astride it. You don't tumble much as a grown up do you, it was most odd, happening in slow motion. I had time to wonder about how much it was likely to hurt and to feel that it was all DH's fault
Do you think Hugh would go for a larger lady with livid red scrapes on her inner thigh and a gash on her knee?

Ow! That sounds nasty...poor Berrie .
I'm sure Hugh would leap at the chance being the gentleman he is .

You'll have to tape dd's nappies on or use braces so she can't get them off without your help.

I'll live.
I don't want to tell dh as he will tell me I am stupid however I may not be abl;e to hide it!

Morning.
I've got some excellent bruises today!
I've also got physio.

Physio - oh dear what happened?
Berrie - I fell off a toddler slide...

How does it sound?

Zeb, how is your holiday going?
Back to the grindstone today eh Oggs?
Lyra...has our dchicken talk put you off...come back I've stopped now.

Hey Berrie - how are you feeling this morning, aside from the bruises that is? Any chance you can just jump in the car and go for a nice drive or something to give you a bit of a boost? Although I'm sure Hugh helped - and yes, he does get his shirt of in Paperback Hero, although most of the time he's wandering around in what Aussies call a singlet. He also gets his shirt off in the awful Animal thingy, which at least helps I suppose.

My holiday? ROFPMSL!!!! Ha! I'm chained to the pooter doing VAT returns, the farm is over-run with hippy gardeners, cleaners, builders, joiners, a farmer doing the silage and a Hungarian au pair who's very nice but doesn't have much English. Oh, not to mention around 4 dogs who are all either trying to shag each other or fight each other. Thank God for Lee - he's on my headphones right now.

And you'd never believe how spotlessly clean the house is now, even my mother would be impressed.

Honestly, I know I'm an ungrateful witch, but it's all just a little too late, and all I want to do is go back to my lovely flat ON MY OWN with DS!!!!!

And now the JCB man's turned up to dig a few holes.

Just back from spending morning out with dd and her friend. Dh has taken them for dd's riding lesson now.

Lovely weather again, sunny and breezy. Did think the rain this morning was here to stay so forked out nearly £20 on soft play only for them to get fed up befor the 2hrs was up .
We went outside to the sea-front play park instead for free.

I just have to have tea ready for them when they get back, then dh is dropping friend home and he's off to a meeting... ... which leaves me alone with a bottle of vodka and Paperback Hero . Watched Van Helsing again the other night too for a long haired Hugh fix .

Berrie, is the physio helping?
Zeb, who is the clean house down to? You, Au-pair, or a combination?

Ain't me love . OK, I've helped. Just not much. She thinks English cleaners are crap. Or she'd say that if she knew the word anyway. . Besides, she loves my cooking and has just asked me to teach her how to make lasagne (that was lunch), so I feel I'm doing my bit.

The only thing is, she doesn't really drink, so I've been forgoing my medicinal glass of wine of an evening... And I'm not sure if she's ready for Hugh yet, what do you think?

I'm glad you've got good weather there. We're cheering up here too. Positively spring-like now!

You are spending a lot of time at the farm then Zeb? Does dh still want you back? I do admire how you are both still talking.

Oggs how come it's vodka tonight but not on your birthday? How much weight have you lost now?

The physio does not help but she has taught be lots of exercises to do to improve my core strength around my pelvis. She wanted me to go to a gym ball class but it started at 3pm on my son't first day at school which wasn't great. I will not see her again until September now as she is off for the Summer holidays.

Shouldn't really be drinking mid-week but while dh is away me and Hugh will play , and I fancied a drink

Bollocks to that Berrie. I'm here out of the goodness of my heart and guilt, and DH is having to spend this week in London. This is all an attempt to stop the au pair doing a runner because she totally freaked when she arrived and I wasn't around.

I'm not entirely sure we're actually talking really, either. Communicating, but I've basically been keeping my mouth shut over everything that he's now doing here as it won't achieve anything with regard to us (too late), but let's just say, when I got back on Sunday, I really did not want to be here, and would happily have left and filed for legal separation on the spot. London made me realise who I am again and what I've 'given up' by being here.

Right, on that cheerful note, time to get DS from nursery. Later!!!! And Berrie, buy a gym ball. They're cheap and dead easy to use - a lot come with dvd instructions.

Oh yeah I forgot about the au pair.
When do you go back to your flat then? Do you see yourself back in London eventually and if so how soon?

Lyra where are yoooooooooooo?
Look no chicken talk in this message at all!

Oggs, how's your head?

Where is everyone today?

I'm cleanin' winders with me ukele. I made the terrible error of finishing the VAT last night, so now I have to do some housework.

Still, tomorrow we're all going to have a day off and go to the beach or something. Anyone know any good days out in Cornwall?

As for London, I'd go back like a shot but I can't afford to live anywhere really decent and I honestly believe it's no place for DS. Besides which, I couldn't bear all that competition for schools . I think I will go one day but not until DS is older.
On the other hand, one of my mates who I saw on Friday (the single, unconfirmed gay one) has just made about £5m on an investment, so I guess I could persuade him he needs to re-invest it all in property which I will kindly look after for him. Worth a try? Or maybe he's not gay, in which case I could try marrying him next, then I can take him to the cleaners a la Heather Mills.

What's everyone else doing today?

Bloody hell I drank faaaaaaaar too much last night .

I went to be weighed this morning...... I've lost another 4lbs Yippee! Thats 2st 2lbs altogether. Still got another 1.5st to go.

'...could try marrying him next'
How many times do you intend to do it?

I've just had a letter back 9recorded post) from the Pre School cow She's going to fight then. In the end it all comes down to her saying she warned me and me knowing she didn't.

Don't know what to do. I wish I wasn't so feeble. I ought to feel angry but I just want to cry.

Ooh, I watched Paperback Hero. Twice. What a man! Phwooaar!

Oh dear Berrie . Cow.

Morning everyone.

Rain here what about you?

Dd took off her nappy and pooed on her bedroom floor again yesterday.

I'm going to get a potty for every room today. Not that I believe it will work. I don't think she knows she's going to do it.

Berrie, how old is DD? Is it just a case that she needs to poo and then just goes wherever? You should send her here - we still don't have carpets downstairs. Easier to clean. But no wonder you're feeling down at the moment - none of this helps, does it?
What's the story with the pre-school cow? I think I missed that bit?

TWICE?! Steady on Oggs. It wasn't that good. For that, you definitely have to watch Animal Attraction as penance. I've finally watched the XMen movies - the facial hair really doesn't work for me.

Rain here too. I'm going to ask 'Koala the Gardener' where to go on the north coast for our day out. No, really, that's his name. He's really called Brian. You couldn't make it up . He's a hippy, dreadlocked surf-dude, in case you hadn't guessed.