Is this soon enough?
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He fought the rising turmoil. Blood-soaked injuries, battles, fights in the garrison, the tedium of court duty - dealing with that had become second nature. But this? He had no idea how to cope with the level of distress in front of him, only knew that he desperately wanted it to stop, for her to be better, for his presence to be reassurance enough without him having to put into words how much he cared for her - how highly he regarded her, that he had somehow become accustomed her presence in his life and now found the thought of causing her such pain to be unbearable. "Kate, please don't. I'm sorry, I didn't... I can't.."
He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head - might as well try to comfort a log for all the response he got. He tried to think logically. His look of disgust and anger had been the trigger, and her belief that it had been directed at her. Aramis had been right - he should have talked to her - explained his anger before she had the chance to misinterpret it. Instead he had assumed that she would understand and had ended up hurting her beyond belief. His mind groped its way towards a course of action. "Kate, listen to me - this morning doesn't matter - it changes nothing. What you said - I could kill him for what he did to you, but nothing's changed, I swear. I just... what he did to you. I can't change it, I can't do anything about it, I can't make it better and I... What was it you said about wanting to kick lumps out of something?" He sighed, miserable and struggling to explain himself, and let out a huge sigh of relief as she took a shuddering breath and he felt the tension start to ease from her body.
Kate leant against him, drained, gradually absorbing his stumbling denials and explanations, and his obvious concern. She had thought she trusted him completely, had wanted to. But it had taken just one misplaced look from him to undermine that and emphasise how much she had come to rely on his approval. One misplaced look and she was in pieces, confidence and composure shattered. She should not have allowed herself to rely on his good opinion of her so completely - it was unfair on both of them. She couldn't afford that level of reliance and he should not be expected to provide it. 'Don't care' someone had once told her 'If you don't care, then they can't hurt you.' Well, she was beyond help as far as that advice was concerned, but some damage limitation would be wise - God alone knew how though. She took a deep breath to steady herself and rubbed her face, trying to make sense of the jumble of conflicting thoughts and emotions in her mind. Rationally, she knew he was telling the truth, that she could trust him, but she wasn't feeling particularly rational.
She pushed away from him and stood up unsteadily. "Kate...?" She shook her head slightly, unable to face looking at him but rested her hand on his shoulder for a moment, then walked barefoot to the water’s edge and lowered herself onto a rock with her feet in the shallows, splashing water on her face. He watched her go, then followed and sat cautiously next to her.
She was looking out over the water, avoiding any eye-contact. "I'm sorry. You should have gone with them - I'm no company."
He shrugged. "Neither am I, apparently. I'm sorry. I never meant..."
"No." She cut him off "It's not your fault. I put the words in your mouth, not you." She swore softly under her breath and sighed. "I'm sorry. It appears I'm a bit sensitive about that topic."
He pulled a face "With good cause... and stop apologising."
She shivered despite the warmth of the sun, and shot a wary look at him - he was watching the waterfall but put his arm across her shoulders and she leant against him, closing her eyes. They sat in silence listening to the surrounding birdsong and the water tumbling over the rocks while she tried to force herself into more positive frame of mind. Eventually he shifted uncomfortably and she opened her eyes again. "Would you really have dropped me in the pool?"
He glanced at her and shook his head. "I wouldn't dare." He watched, relived as a slight smile played across her face.
Kate watched the sun reflecting off the surface, recalled the peace of being underwater with all the noise of the world muffled. "I'd best drop myself in then..."
She was waist deep in the water before she looked back at him "You are allowed to come in too, if you want to?" then submerged herself without waiting to see his response, sinking gratefully into the cool silence of the pool. He watched the water ripple where she had vanished and started to pull his own clothes off. He dropped his shirt on the ground beside him and looked around, concerned that she hadn't surfaced yet, then relaxed as she reappeared further out - hair dark and slicked back against her head, shoulders pale against the water before she dived back down again. By the time he entered the water she was floating near the middle of the pool, watching appreciatively through her lashes as he waded, then swam towards her. She sank again as he got near and swam round him as he stood looking for her. He jumped as he felt something brush past his legs, but found nothing but water as he reached beneath the surface. He turned towards the sound of a splash behind him, but saw nothing apart from ripples on the surface where she had vanished again. Then felt her brush past him underwater again, fingers trailing along his leg. This time his fingertips touched her skin, but she had gone before he could catch her. He spun in the water trying to anticipate her next move, then sank below the surface himself but could see nothing through the murk. He surfaced to find her watching him with her head cocked slightly to one side. She was feasting her eyes on him - his skin glistening in the sun, wet hair pushed back from his face, but his fringe falling forward and dripping water down his face. She swallowed, throat suddenly dry, then dragged her thoughts back on track. "Looking for something?" She splashed him, then pushed away with a quick grin to tread water just beyond his reach. 'Eel' he'd called her last night, wet and slippery from the bath. He shook his head slightly. More like an otter, twisting and turning in the water.
He wiped water from his face and glared at her, then his lips twitched as he failed to suppress his amusement, and relief at the sight of the mischievous grin on her face. "You my lady, are treading on dangerous ground. If you were a man I might be forced to demand satisfaction."
She raised her eyebrows "Demand? You'd get a better response if you asked nicely... besides, I don't recall satisfaction being a problem?" His eyes were drawn to her lips as her tongue flicked across them, then she dipped back below the surface and reappeared right in front of him, fingers trailing up his leg with unmistakable intent.
"No, I am completely immune to your charms." He turned away, but she could hear the amusement in his voice as her hands traced circles up his back and massaged his shoulders before her fingers moved to the curls of hair at his neck.
"Completely immune?" Her tone was dubious "You did say I was irresistible...?"
He paused, skin quivering under her touch and recalled the rain dripping from her in the hayloft. He glanced back at her, taking in the water beading on her skin, hair hanging over her shoulder in a sodden braid, the swell of her breasts vanishing beneath the surface. He looked away again, doing his best to ignore the proximity of her bare skin, planning to spin back around and duck her under in retaliation for the splash. "I'm not sure you're wet enough to qualify...."
Kate paused, then grinned to herself and leaned forward on tiptoe- running her fingernails idly along his shoulders and murmured in his ear, "And how would you know?"
He caught his breath, momentarily stunned as his body responded to the innuendo and the warmth of her voice in his ear. He drew a slightly shaky breath "You are..."
"Devious? Sneaky? Irresistible?"
"A brazen hussy." He shook his head and turned to her, eyes dark with desire and an expression of amusement on his face. "You are a brazen hussy..." He grasped her waist and pulled her against him "And in trouble..." he growled in her ear before kissing her gently then nibbling his way down her neck. He pulled back, eyes searching her face until she smiled and reached up to him, pulling his head back down to her so their foreheads touched. Then she tilted her head to brush her lips against his, grazed her teeth along his neck and a jolt of desire ran through him - never mind the coolness of the water surrounding them, he felt as if a fire had been lit inside him. He wrapped his arms around her and lost himself in the softness of her skin, the feel of her lips, tongues duelling, hands sliding across wet hair and flesh. His lips were nuzzling at her neck, beard scratching against her skin, teeth nipping, and then back to her mouth again. He stopped trying to think, to process what had happened to her and dived into the moment - her taste, scent, her breath warm against his skin as she clung to him, whispering his name as her hands ran through his hair and across his body. With the water surrounding them, lifting her off her feet was effortless and she weighed nothing as her legs wrapped round his waist.
The sun was warm on her back, contrasting with the cool water surrounding them - lapping at her skin; his beard gently scratching while his lips brushed softly against her skin; his kisses alternated between gentle and demanding, his hair slick between her fingers. The mixture of textures and sensations were overwhelming, and through it all he held her safely in his arms. He had one hand in her hair, the other below, cupping a buttock, pulling her tight against him and then slipping round between her legs. She squirmed against him as he lifted her higher and broke off the kiss - moving his lips to her breasts - tongue circling, licking and sucking. His hand moved from her hair to her back, the other still teasing and exploring. There was no room left for any sort of rational thought, there was just him and the burning need to feel his skin against hers, feel him inside her.
He slipped slightly on the stones and she slid down his body, could feel him pressed erect against her and wriggled slightly, pushing herself downwards onto him. Her sigh of satisfaction was matched by his indrawn breath as he took hold of her waist and drew her down, pushing himself deeper inside, shuddering against each other. He stumbled slightly again and Kate twisted in his arms - looking behind and then, legs locked around him, leant back in the water and beckoned him forwards until they reached a submerged rock. She braced herself against it and he grinned wolfishly as he realised what she had done. She leaned forwards and kissed him again, pushing wet hair away from his face and dragging her nails up his back, trailing her tongue down his neck. He groaned and leaned forwards against the rock, heard her whimper slightly against his shoulder and pulled back, concerned. Then saw the glazed expression on her face and began to build up a rhythm, tempo increasing as she clung to him with one arm round his shoulder, and the other reaching back to steady them. He watched the expressions flit across her face as she bit down on her lip, a flush rising in her cheeks as she met his thrusts, then as her eyes lifted to his - wide and unfocussed, he leaned forward, capturing her mouth with his and kissed her deeply as her body spasmed and shook against him, breath coming in broken gasps, almost sobs. He broke off, his own orgasm leaving him breathless and shuddering as he collapsed against the rock, trying to avoid crushing her. She was still clinging to him, breath unsteady and face buried in his neck as spasmodic shudders ran through him.
Eventually he led her out of the water, she still seemed dazed and he wrapped her cloak around her to keep her warm, pulled on his braies and then went in search of the food and drink she'd brought with them. They lay together on the grassy bank in silence, Kate curled up next to him. He turned his head to speak to her and shut his mouth again, thinking she was asleep - he frowned slightly and brushed his hand against her cheek. As he lay back and closed his eyes he heard her voice, sleepy but distinct.
"You do make it better. You have no idea..." She stifled a yawn and he rolled onto his side to see her regarding him steadily. "Every time you grab my arm and I don't flinch; when I wake in the night and you're holding me; when you touch me - when you kiss me until I can't think straight; when you just look at me, for God's sake, and I can't think of anything apart from dragging you into bed." A smile ghosted across her face and her eyes lost focus, before snapping back to his. "Every time you come back and you don't leave me - you make it better, the memories get pushed further away. It happened - no-one can change that. But you make it irrelevant. You have no idea how much better you've made it. I don't need you to kill anyone for me, I just..." He saw the flash of raw vulnerability in her eyes before she looked down. "I just need you to stay with me; to... to not leave because of what he did."
He looked at her searchingly, shaking his head slightly then propped himself up on a elbow and leaned over. He kissed the scar over her eyebrow, infinitely gentle "I'm going nowhere Kate. I swear... " She was still looking down, fingers twisting a button on the cloak. "Kate?" she lifted her eyes nervously "It's ok. We'll be ok - yes?" She swallowed and nodded slightly, only the faintest hint of a smile on her face. He sighed and kissed her forehead, then pulled her close against him, wishing again that he'd listened to Aramis.