Nursery settling in session, allergies and nap concerns

[Quirkypenguin]

I went to my child’s first settling in session and I don’t know how I feel about it.

I stayed with my child this time and next time I have the option to leave them for awhile, my child was happily playing the entire session but I didn’t feel the room leader was listening to my concerns ( my child has allergies) and has always struggled with sleep, she just kept saying they give them coconut yoghurt (which my child can’t have) as the dairy alternative and oat milk as their other alternative I said they drink soya usually but during the day they have diluted juice not milk , apparently they aren’t allowed diluted juice at the nursery either just water, they have nap time at 12-2 when my child wakes up at 5am I feel 7 hours awake is a very long time but they seemed very set on nap time is when they say so.

At the end my child had leaked through their nappy so they showed me to a baby changing room that had no nappy bin which I found a bit odd, my child then had a tantrum as they had a toy in their hand so when I took it off them they threw themselves on the floor face down screaming, crying, the whole works in the reception area, the nursery room leaders reaction was to say ‘oh dear’ pulled a face and stood there while I wrestled with 3 bags and my toddler out of the door.
I felt quite judged despite me saying to the nursery leader not 20 minutes before they’ve started having really bad tantrums when they don’t want to do something/ give something back and she assured me she was used to tantrums but based on her reaction apparently not…

I left feeling actually quite embarrassed and judged, I genuinely cried in the car after because I felt like such a failure as a parent for her nappy leaking despite it not been anywhere near full it had just moved and the tantrum

Am I being overprotective as I’ve never left them with anyone but family or should I look elsewhere?

Naps that’s normal. They have to fit in with nursery schedule and they will adjust.
Not helping you when your child had a tantrum - normal as at that stage they don’t know you or your child that well and it’s at the end of their time wit you so not up to them to help.
Allergies should be a priority now especially due to Benedict’s law.

Pretty standard. Juice isn't a thing in nursery. Nap is on a schedule. Tantrums not their business to deal with you being present.

They need to be aware of your child's allergies. Raise it.

I would make sure that the allergy information has been passed onto the manager, nurseries take it very seriously. No nursery will be giving squash as a drink unless it's needed as an adjustment for SEN. You need to help the nursery by diluting it even more at home so she will drink water.
Was it the main nappy changing area? The nursery I work at only has one, so parent's are not allowed in it at all. Did they have a normal style bin?
The tantrum...they wouldn't have been able to help, they don't know your child yet.

Why did you have so many bags with you on a visit?

Id agree with the others - the naps and tantrums are what they are, and not something to change. You will not get them serving juice - it will be water or a version of milk.

No nappy bin? Where do the used nappies go?

The allergies is important. Are you saying they are allergic to coconut too?

They won’t serve diluted juice, only water or milk. Is your DC allergic to coconut?

Some of these are worth worrying about and some are not. The allergies is worrying and I would absolutely raise this but probably look for a new setting to be honest if it is as you say. I have used two nurseries and viewed 5 or 6. All had options for the children to nap when suited them and for both of my children who started at 1 they were still on two naps so nursery facilitated this. So I would look for somewhere that could support this.

They must have had a bin for nappies so probably you just didn’t see it. The tantrum thing they couldn’t really help you as they hardly know you or your child, I am sure they weren’t judging you.

No nursery preschool or school I have seen would serve diluted juice (is this squash or actual juice mixed with water?).

speak to the chef re allergies. They should be very well trained and alleviate your concerns. Ask for the allergy procedure at meal times. At ours, one person gets the food, wears a red apron, served on a red plate, it gets signed off by the chef and a manager and is taken very seriously.
none of the other stuff would concern me so try not to worry, it’s so daunting sending them to nursery but they settle so quickly. X

I will add that just because she didn’t help with the tantrum doesn’t mean she can’t deal with it. It’s more about boundaries and at that point you were in charge of your child so it was up to you to sort it. It’s hard leaving your child. I’d just get allergies sorted but it will go off allergies and not preferences (juice).

Of course they aren’t going to serve sugary crap at a nursery! Water is fine! And your child waking up early isn’t their problem and they arent going to change their schedules for that.

The nap 12pm-2pm is normal. Nursery babies have their lunch and then go down for a nap. My dd started nursery at 12 months and was never a never a good napper at home or at nursery so would sleep for half an hour and then quickly dropped naps completely before she was 18 months. Most 1 year olds or nearly 1 don’t have a morning nap.

Allergies - discuss this with the cook and manager as they have a better knowledge of this. My dd has soya yoghurt. The tantrum over having to leave a toy is normal. I think your visit sounds normal except I didn’t stay for the entire session, just half an hour.

The tantrum was fine. No nursery will allow juice. Group nap time after lunch is also totally normal and what they all do, your child will adapt and be fine, and it may solve the early wakes for you. Not sure what the issue is with the oat milk, if yours isn’t allergic then should be fine no? Even if it’s different what he has at home so are lots of things at nursery. Regarding the yoghurt is he allergic to coconut? Maybe have a chat with the manager and ask to review his allergy plan before he does his first unaccompanied session. I wouldn’t be worried about anything else though.

I agree with the others. The only real issue here is the allergy stuff.
Nap schedules are set at nursery and your child is expected to fit in. They simply can’t accommodate all the children sleeping at random times in the day.
You were there so it becomes awkward for an outsider to step in and deal with a tantrum.
And juice is not given in nursery as it so bad for their teeth.

I had my bag as they wanted my child’s birth certificate, my ID etc, my toddlers nappy change bag with a change of clothes etc and they gave me a ‘welcome bag’ I didn’t expect help with my child, I just expected a slightly more understanding reaction or maybe a I’ll pass one of those bags for you while you pick your child up off the floor so you can carry them out the door?

Wasn’t expecting them to deal with the tantrum just maybe more understanding reaction or a I’ll pass you one of the bags not to mention my child is very tall for their age (which the nursery staff mentioned at least 3 times)

I raised it 3 times they can’t have coconut she then proceeded to show me the coconut yoghurt they give them

The others are right. The allergies are important and you need to make sure they’re aware. Is your child allergic to the coconut yoghurt?

You were in charge when they had a tantrum so they was up to you and it’s unlikely nursery will serve juice. There must be a bin somewhere for nappies or there’d be a big pile on the floor!

I worded it wrong I didn’t want help with the tantrum but I was loaded up with bags (one or which they gave me) I wasn’t allowed the pram inside so I was trying to wrestle my child off the floor while holding 3 bags, also she looked borderline horrified at the tantrum

Yes they are allergic to coconut yoghurt brought them out in rash all over their face, I said 3 times they can’t have it she went to the fridge and showed me the exact one she had a reaction to

It would be so useful if people said the age of the child in these threads. We don’t know if you’re talking about an 18 month old or a 3 yo.

They weren’t serve squash and frankly you shouldn’t be serving it either, children don’t need squash.

Most nurseries have 2 options for milk, oat is more common because lots of children with CMPA also can’t have soya. Is there a reason why your child can’t have oat milk? If you really want them to have soya I’m sure you could send in a carton for them each week.

If your child is allergic to coconut you need to make this clear and put this in writing. They will have the processes in place to accommodate this. The room lead might not have known?

Naps your child will need to get used to the nursery timings. If they were a baby most places would do a morning nap too but if they’re a toddler I’m sure they’ll follow the herd and stay awake. They might even start waking up later at home if they’re more tired out in the day.

Maybe stay again for the second session so you can see more of the nursery for yourself and hopefully feel more at ease. It’s great that your little one was happy and wasn’t just glued to you the whole time

You are aware that dilute juice has under 1% of their daily sugar in it aren’t you….

It sounds like she got the yoghurt to confirm her understanding was correct. She didn't try and offer it to your child?

Apologies they are 18 months, and the squash I give one cup a day with a meal it has no added sugar it’s under 1% sugar and incredibly watered down, I said to her 3 times to her face she can’t have coconut and then she said that’s the only yoghurt they have for dairy alternative and showed me the exact brand that gave my child the reaction, I gave them oat milk and it gave them terrible constipation and fussiness,

by 9:30/10am my child is absolutely shattered falling over tired currently, they wake up because their dad gets up at 5am for work and it disturbs them, I’ve tried to transition to one nap 11-1 and that’s a struggle to keep them awake 6 hours, maybe they will prove me wrong but I was concerned when they said they’d ring me if they didn’t sleep and I’d have to come get them

You need to be a lot clearer with the nursery about your child's allergies. Even from your posts i'm not sure if they have an allergy / reaction to coconut, or if it's just this coconut yogurt.

Have you filled in paperwork that states the allergies?

Kindly this is very very standard and you will be amazed at how quickly your child adjusts.

They are absolutely prohibited from serving juice. It sounds like you want lots of rules bent or broken for you child but imagine if they did this for every child?

There is something about seeing their peers follow these routines that means other children follow suit. My children only drank juice at home but happily drank water at nursery. They were picky eaters at home but ate everything at nursery. Rarely napped on the day at home but easily napped with other children at nursery (and this helped get them out of early wake ups I found as well).

I don’t think her reaction was poor to the tantrum, most are taught not to react so ‘oh dear’ is a perfectly reasonable response and she probably didn’t want to overstep so just ask if you need some help

As others have said, I’d be raising the allergy issue with the manager

In all honestly you won’t find a setting that will allow juice or won’t enforce naps at a certain time

It’s not healthy for nursery age children to drink juice. It’s not good for their teeth. And if it’s sugar free it’s not good for their bodies. When your dc gets to school, it is likely that juice won’t be allowed there because of those reasons but also because it’s sticky and it gets everywhere when it is spilt.

My dd has anaphylaxis and I know it’s frightening when your child has an allergy. This is your issue. Don’t dilute your actual real problem with small issues like nap times and nappy bins. You can’t think they don’t have a nappy bin.

She asked if they had allergies I said yes milk, egg and coconut straight away. we also told them on the first visit/ look around, they said we would fill out the forms there on settling in session and then when I got there they asked if I had the forms, the session was meant to be in the afternoon they then messaged me the day before and said no it’s in the morning