Nursery settling in session, allergies and nap concerns

[Quirkypenguin]

I went to my child’s first settling in session and I don’t know how I feel about it.

I stayed with my child this time and next time I have the option to leave them for awhile, my child was happily playing the entire session but I didn’t feel the room leader was listening to my concerns ( my child has allergies) and has always struggled with sleep, she just kept saying they give them coconut yoghurt (which my child can’t have) as the dairy alternative and oat milk as their other alternative I said they drink soya usually but during the day they have diluted juice not milk , apparently they aren’t allowed diluted juice at the nursery either just water, they have nap time at 12-2 when my child wakes up at 5am I feel 7 hours awake is a very long time but they seemed very set on nap time is when they say so.

At the end my child had leaked through their nappy so they showed me to a baby changing room that had no nappy bin which I found a bit odd, my child then had a tantrum as they had a toy in their hand so when I took it off them they threw themselves on the floor face down screaming, crying, the whole works in the reception area, the nursery room leaders reaction was to say ‘oh dear’ pulled a face and stood there while I wrestled with 3 bags and my toddler out of the door.
I felt quite judged despite me saying to the nursery leader not 20 minutes before they’ve started having really bad tantrums when they don’t want to do something/ give something back and she assured me she was used to tantrums but based on her reaction apparently not…

I left feeling actually quite embarrassed and judged, I genuinely cried in the car after because I felt like such a failure as a parent for her nappy leaking despite it not been anywhere near full it had just moved and the tantrum

Am I being overprotective as I’ve never left them with anyone but family or should I look elsewhere?

The nursery has a colour coded system for allergies and then dietary preferences is a separate colour, I could understand if this was just a preference but they come out in welts and hives on their face is they have coconut yoghurt it was like they’d been burnt, believe me I wish it was just a preference id of been getting a lot more sleep since they were born and alot less stress!!

Basically, you don't feel confident in leaving your child at this nursery. That is absolutely fine. You need to look for alternatives.

It sounds like this isn’t the right provision for your child. I would look round as many nurseries as possible and ask detailed questions about allergy management.
DS was fine at nursery (despite multiple severe allergies), as they listened carefully, met his needs and offered tailored care. They’re not all the same unfortunately.

The naps and no juice situation is standard. I’d have expected a bit of help/kindness with the meltdown- they need to build trust with the child and family members so helping in a small, non intrusive way would have been useful.

What’s your sense of the nursery management? There was always one or two carers in the room who didn’t really understand allergies well but the management support and processes were clearly defined so workers were well protected from making a mistake and thankfully for us it all went smoothly. I’d considered a lot of options though (nanny, childminder, several nurseries) and went with the one I felt most confident in.

You need a separate meeting (without any children there) to discuss the allergies in depth.

Only if you think they really get it do you use the nursery

I visited about 5 nurseries before I found one I was confident could manage their allergies

I am genuinely shocked your child is sipping juice all day. Of course the nursery will insist on water. No wonder tiny children are getting cavities.

when did I say she was sipping juice all day, she has one cup with a meal 🙄

Unfortunately went for the second settling in session today ( it was 2 hours and I left her for one hour) came back to her crying her eyes out and apparently she had been for a good half an hour, why they didn’t ring me I don’t know as I was literally around the corner,they said they couldn’t find her dummy I got back to a notice on the room day saying one of the children has hand foot and mouth confirmed today (literally within the hour of me leaving) , also come back without her coat in her bag so not really reassured and very much doubt she will be going there

It’s so tough leaving them at nursery so completely understand your concerns. My child has allergies and I knew I couldn’t leave them with a childminder for that reason.

Settling in takes time - they will be unsettled as they’ve spent all of their life with you so far and they won’t understand you are coming back.

saying all that, you are obviously having second thoughts about this nursery and that shows you are a good and caring parent - try and see if there’s another nursery setting and explain the issues. They should alleviate your concerns. I mentioned above, try and speak to the chef, ours is brilliant and is always in the rooms during the day and knows the allergies of every child so that should help. I’m with a big name nursery and everything is taken so seriously.

good luck xx

Trust your gut! Don’t send her there x