Nursery settling in session, allergies and nap concerns

[Quirkypenguin]

I went to my child’s first settling in session and I don’t know how I feel about it.

I stayed with my child this time and next time I have the option to leave them for awhile, my child was happily playing the entire session but I didn’t feel the room leader was listening to my concerns ( my child has allergies) and has always struggled with sleep, she just kept saying they give them coconut yoghurt (which my child can’t have) as the dairy alternative and oat milk as their other alternative I said they drink soya usually but during the day they have diluted juice not milk , apparently they aren’t allowed diluted juice at the nursery either just water, they have nap time at 12-2 when my child wakes up at 5am I feel 7 hours awake is a very long time but they seemed very set on nap time is when they say so.

At the end my child had leaked through their nappy so they showed me to a baby changing room that had no nappy bin which I found a bit odd, my child then had a tantrum as they had a toy in their hand so when I took it off them they threw themselves on the floor face down screaming, crying, the whole works in the reception area, the nursery room leaders reaction was to say ‘oh dear’ pulled a face and stood there while I wrestled with 3 bags and my toddler out of the door.
I felt quite judged despite me saying to the nursery leader not 20 minutes before they’ve started having really bad tantrums when they don’t want to do something/ give something back and she assured me she was used to tantrums but based on her reaction apparently not…

I left feeling actually quite embarrassed and judged, I genuinely cried in the car after because I felt like such a failure as a parent for her nappy leaking despite it not been anywhere near full it had just moved and the tantrum

Am I being overprotective as I’ve never left them with anyone but family or should I look elsewhere?

Why have you chosen a nursery vs a childminder?

Your DC is 18 months? Yes they’ll just have the one nap a day at nursery, toddlers usually nap on naps on the floor of the room so they can’t have different nap times. Most children are on one nap a day much earlier than this.

In the baby change in reception they didn’t have a nappy bin and the sanitary bin for female hygiene was literally overflowing onto the floor. I had to ask her where the nappy bin was and she took it away from me

Of course the allergies are my main concern there was just a few other things I was concerned about

I have no problem with one nap a day I’m just concerned at 12 as they are up so early, I have been trying to transition them to one nap 11-1, unfortunately the family member who looks after them currently is not listening which is why they are now going to nursery

FWIW OP, 3/4 kids that I have raised have woken up by 6 and then by about 9ish, they had a nap until about the age of 2/3. Sometimes it would just be 10 or 15 mins when they became toddlers. They would then have a sleep later in the day. Sometimes 2 sleeps.

Okay at 18 months will they be in the baby room?

Our nursery has 0-2 year olds in together and then a 2yo room. There’s lots of babies who have 2 naps (or even 3!) so if your child genuinely needs 2 naps I’d expect them to be able to accommodate it for that age especially until they get used to it.

You may find they nap less at nursery anyway because they get FOMO/follow what everyone else is doing.

I’m confused at what they said they’d ring you for? I had one child who would only ever nap for 20 minutes at nursery and they never called me to bring him home 😂 he just had nice 1:1 time with the staff.

The thing with the squash is less about the added sugar, especially now everything is full of sweetners it’s about the child being used to drinking water as it comes, it’s meant to save you a headache later as they’re less likely to be someone who will only drink monster or something when they’re older. I know that’s a leap but I’m pretty sure that’s the theory behind it. But it sounds like your DC has water at other times so hopefully having water at nursery won’t be too hard.

I’d ask about sending in your own milk. Get all the allergies in writing.

we struggled to find a reputable childminder with availability or else they would of been going to a childminder, to be honest I don’t like the thought of nursery in general but I have literally no other choice, I would much rather be at home more but I can’t afford to do so

I would say that my eldest never napped at the same time as the other kids at nursery. She’d have quiet time when the others napped and would sleep in the ‘quiet corner’ when she fancied a sleep. That worked fine and no one seemed to care.

Should add re naps, our nursery does a morning fruit snack at 9:30, I imagine that would help pep up DC who are flagging a bit.

Have you put on their records form that they are allergic to dairy and coconut, and intolerant to oat milk??

If you already have, email the nursery before the next session to make sure they have this info and WILL be on top of it as you felt the worker wasn't grasping all of their medical info. Ask for their allergy policy. Ask how they keep them safe and what they offer/don't offer for a child with your allergies and intolerances .

Most nurseries have a cook. They are trained in food hygiene and safety. Nursery staff should also have knowledge of the main allergens.

Naps - they won't force a child to stay awake if they nod off before nap time, but you may be surprised and they soon adjust to the nursery schedule. Usually there's so much going on, they stay awake, then early lunch and all down for a nap. I used to work in early years and remember being amazed my first day on a nursery placement at all the toddlers napping at the same time. Soon could do it myself as they all learn the routine, are tired fed and comfy.

Water they will soon drink it. You can always offer them what they have at home yourself, before and after on the way there and back but I'd not worry.

The allergies would be the main thing I'd want reassurance about as a parent. Have you asked around locally for childcare recommendations based on allergies?

I think both have their merits. I was just wondering why you chose this when you are clearly uncomfortable about nurseries generally. But it makes sense. There are far fewer CMs now.

One of my clients was telling me that a friend of hers has just hired a day nanny who is quite inexperienced but apparently as qualified as a nursery worker. I think she meets the conditions for them to still get assistance with childcare fees from what she said but they've negotiated a workable salary and committed to a year. Apparently, getting this type of full time role for a new nanny isn't easy either.

And water has 0%

Or is your child allergic to water too?

No they have a toddler room there so they’re all around the same age (1-2 years old) the thing I couldn’t understand was there was child asleep while I was there and then she said well it’s 12-2 nap times only, she said if they don’t sleep then we will ring you to come get them as they can’t not sleep all day? Also she said children are allowed to go in with a temperature, cold etc not sure if that’s standard for nurseries…

obviously the allergies are the biggest concern
but you also want to know they can deal with dc if there’s a tantrum and that the place is hygienic. How did the rest of it feel? I would be a bit concerned about overflowing or no bins personally. Maybe just see how it is next time you go, might have been an odd day. Nap time is annoying but unfortunately that’s one of the problems with nursery.
The allergies definitely try to speak to a manager.

Hilarious aren’t you, hope it makes you feel good putting clever comments on other parents posts, I was given juice growing up didn’t do us much harm!

If a parent says that their child is allergic to something but they haven't got an formal diagnosis, do you think the nursery should just overrule them and give the child that thing anyway?

not allowed to take in their own food either, thanks for the shitty first time parenting comment

All nurseries will have tightened up sleep times since the government guidelines came in. Children just being allowed to sleep when they want won’t be as easy now.

I should of said they are formally diagnosed with CMPA and have a dietician

my child has several allergies you have my sympathies.
i would email and state the allergies and what the child can not have. I would provide soya milk so there’s no confusion and a yoghurt alternative (or jelly or similar) write on your child’s name and use by date on the products and replace as needed.

Nap time your child will have to adjust too.

Your child doesn’t have an allergy to oat so oat milk is fine. You can’t keep removing food groups just because your child had constipation before. 18 month olds don’t need a morning nap - my dd also woke very early but didn’t need a nap until lunch time (as in around 12 months but stopped naps by 18 months). I’m surprised the nursery has coconut yoghurt as that’s more expensive. My dd has oat milk and soya yoghurt at home and nursery.

The nursery you visited sounds completely normal and they can’t change routines for you. Your child will need to adapt. Pretty much all nurseries will be like this one.

What’s the new government guidelines on nap times?

People are so harsh and rude on this site, it’s mad.
OP, the response to allergies is what’s concerning here. You need to feel comfortable that staff are mindful and attentive to this - and they should be able to manage this with no issues.

Re naps: children are so adaptable. I used to work in a nursery and parents would be so worried that their child wouldn’t be able to adapt to the nursery’s nap routine and I can hand on heart tell you that every child did. They get used to the routine and they see all the other kids doing it and they adapt.
This will be the same with the juice, they’ll know that they don’t get juice at nursery and they’ll adapt and drink the water.

The staff were probably being cautious with the tantrum and didn’t want to over step but I think by this stage you were probably overwhelmed by the whole experience and a bit more empathy from them would have helped.

Starting your child in nursery is hard- it’s hard on parents more than the child so please don’t worry. The allergy issue is what you need to feel comfortable with, the rest is all manageable and I hope it all works out for you.

11am nap wouldn’t work at a nursery though as the children eat lunch first then nap.