Nursery settling in session, allergies and nap concerns

[Quirkypenguin]

I went to my child’s first settling in session and I don’t know how I feel about it.

I stayed with my child this time and next time I have the option to leave them for awhile, my child was happily playing the entire session but I didn’t feel the room leader was listening to my concerns ( my child has allergies) and has always struggled with sleep, she just kept saying they give them coconut yoghurt (which my child can’t have) as the dairy alternative and oat milk as their other alternative I said they drink soya usually but during the day they have diluted juice not milk , apparently they aren’t allowed diluted juice at the nursery either just water, they have nap time at 12-2 when my child wakes up at 5am I feel 7 hours awake is a very long time but they seemed very set on nap time is when they say so.

At the end my child had leaked through their nappy so they showed me to a baby changing room that had no nappy bin which I found a bit odd, my child then had a tantrum as they had a toy in their hand so when I took it off them they threw themselves on the floor face down screaming, crying, the whole works in the reception area, the nursery room leaders reaction was to say ‘oh dear’ pulled a face and stood there while I wrestled with 3 bags and my toddler out of the door.
I felt quite judged despite me saying to the nursery leader not 20 minutes before they’ve started having really bad tantrums when they don’t want to do something/ give something back and she assured me she was used to tantrums but based on her reaction apparently not…

I left feeling actually quite embarrassed and judged, I genuinely cried in the car after because I felt like such a failure as a parent for her nappy leaking despite it not been anywhere near full it had just moved and the tantrum

Am I being overprotective as I’ve never left them with anyone but family or should I look elsewhere?

, I was just asking that poster what things they'd ignore from a parent.

That's no excuse. That is what the doctors did to that autistic young guy and killed him. Oliver, is it?

Didn’t doctors prescribe Oliver quetiapine instead of listening to his family which caused neuroleptic malignant syndrome?

Quite a reach really.

For what it’s worth nurseries need to listen to parents and avoid allergens. Not sure it’s hugely related to the ongoing issues with medicine and people with LD.

I haven’t read all of your responses, so apologies if I’d missed something.

I would be mega concerned about the allergy, because she clearly wasn’t paying attention to what you were saying. I would email and say that you were shown coconut yoghurt after saying that she couldn’t have it. That is pretty worrying :/.

No juice is fair enough as I don’t think that’s ever allowed in a nursery.

The napping schedule is very weird as well. 2 of my children have been in nursery & both times I was asked to fill out a form telling them when her nap schedules are, & they followed them. Ridiculous to make an 18 month old to stay up for 7 hours. Is that definitely what they said about nap schedule? There’s no chance it was misinterpreted. Really shit if that’s just what they do. Surely all the younger kids are screaming when they are tired?

It does sound a little bit odd there tbh. The nurseries my kids went to definitely would’ve helped with my bags etc.

Hmm, I think I would consider somewhere else if that’s an option.

OP don’t let the very serious point about the coconut yoghurt and his allergy be overshadowed by what are silly sorry to say silly PFB stuff regarding squash and nap times. All kids have to adjust when they start nursery. He will be fine. I’d even give the oat milk another go if he’s not actually allergic and it’s only that a while ago he got constipated (could have been a total coincidence). But I really think you need to speak to them about the yoghurt before you do a drop off session, as the nursery worker sounds scarily misinformed, and worse wasn’t listening to you. Forget the rest of it because it doesn’t matter, they’re not going to move on naps or juice, and you risk the allergy conversation not being taken seriously if you bundle it all up in one conversation.

Thanks so much for your kind helpful comment, honestly some people on mumsnet are so harsh it’s unbelievable! I’m a first time mum concerned because my child has allergies so I most probably am a bit over protective

In my nursery most of the toddlers sleep between 12 and 2 however if a child needs a nap earlier we will accommodate.

the nursery need to listen seriously about allergies.

diluting juice for us is a no however if a parent brings in a water bottle that isnt see through and they put juice in it then it’s up to the parent, however once that bottle is empty, we will put water in it.

Look at Childminders. I think what you are describing is perfectly normal and fine for a nursery. They are looking after many children so having a strict nap time, strict rules on what they drink etc is the best way to keep all the children healthy and safe. With the exception of the yogurt, what happened in your child's session was fine. However it is 100% ok to not want your child's day routine and choices controlled by the needs of loads of other kids. We went for a childminder for that exact reason. 5-6 kids before and after school, 3-4 in the school day. Everything taliored much more to your child's needs/likes/routine. Often even down to deciding to do an activity because your child has asked for that one, or trips out because your child mentioned, last week, that they'd like to go to that place again!

Most of this sounds normal for a nursery. They won’t deviate from their nap time and they won’t serve juice.
When I’ve sent my children to nursery, I’ve provided the alternatives that they had for their allergies - eg I sent my own milk and yoghurts because the shop they bought their food from didn’t have an appropriate alternative. I would suggest you offer to do the same

You’ll be surprised how many parents declare an allergy that’s never checked out. I once accommodated a strict dairy free diet for one child for over a year, only to see a photo of him eating birthday cake at a party “oh he can have treats, it’s fine.”

Allergies - big deal - my child has allergies so I understand how stressful it can be. I’m surprised the nursery wasn’t totally on it actually as ours was extremely careful about allergies (as they should be!). I’d email/have a meeting with the manager and explain it all.

Juice and naps and tantrums - standard nursery stuff. Your child will adjust. No one thinks their child will sleep on a cot on the floor with a load of other toddlers - but they do!

Not being clean - this would concern me actually as it implies they don’t have enough staff, or just don’t care.

Hope it works out for you OP

Allergy mum here! They should have a strict procedure for it, and should have asked to see an allergy plan from the hospital (where it lays out what to do if they accidentally consume an allergen). They should keep a copy on site. They should be hot on it because the law is pretty strict!

Naps: your baby will adapt and likely start getting up later (yay!). So let that one be, they’ll get on with it.
Juice: no nursery will serve diluting juice! Your child will drink water at nursery because the other kids do. They will eat loads of things that they refuse at home too.

I remember it was so hard to relinquish control when you’re dealing with health stuff o top of the usual separation anxiety etc. So definitely check the allergy protocol, but gently let go of the other stuff.

Not a reach from a nursery overriding parental warnings and giving a baby something they were told would make them unwell.

That's up to the parent if they want dairy to be very occasional.

I would look for another setting tbh. You communicated clearly about an allergy and they either didn't understand or ignored you. I wouldn't mess around with that, and would pass it on to the management whether I sent my child there or not. You're right that it is serious. The other stuff, as others have said, could be something or nothing.

Of course parents are allowed to have preferences. But that's very different to lying about an allergy. Which is surprisingly common.

It's clear you're not happy about having to put your child in nursery - but like many of us, you have to.

It cannot be perfect for your child. It just has to be safe.

You may not like that, but your choices are few - most nurseries and childminders will be like this. Regulation is myriad.

Only a nanny would be able to provide personalised care to your child.

Otherwise, you'll have to look after them yourself and deal with the financial difficulties that ensue.

No, not really. You can suspect the type of sensitivity that can come before a full blown allergy and think it safer that you only give that food group under your own supervision.

Only the allergies are a concern here. Email the manager today and let them know you are concerned the allergies weren't understood as you were shown coconut yogurt as the dairy alternative. Even if it's just a sensitivity (which it sounds like it is), any decent nursery will take great care not to give it to your child, they don't want to risk anything. If you're not happy with their response, look for another nursery.

Nursery absolutely won't give your child juice, and nor should they. There will probably be a quiet corner where they can fall asleep in the room if they want to... but surrounded by 20 other toddlers all having fun, they probably won't. It's easiest to just fall in line with the nursery nap timetable.

Have you looked round other nurseries? They are all different, you might feel happier with them somewhere else. We looked at four and there was one I wouldn't have sent my cat to, two that were fine, and one which I knew as soon as I stepped in the door was the right place for us.

They don’t allow any of your own food at all there unfortunately

Well this is the thing I got told they would go through the forms with me when I came in for the first settling in session and then got told when I got there I should have done them at home and brought them in with me? Also the session was booked to be afternoon and the day before they emailed and said morning which made me feel the communication between staff was poor, also my child key person I barely got to speak to it was just the room leader the entire hour I maybe saw their key person for 5 minutes

Are you actually implying my child wasn’t diagnosed? You’re honestly an awful person get off mumsnet you know nothing about my child. I had to take them to A&E at 6 weeks old if you must know as they were passing blood due to having a milk allergy but you’re right I really chose this! And as for a bit of constipation from the oat milk they screamed in agony for hours on end and then had to be prescribed laxatives as they didn’t go for days ! How about shut up with your absolutely delusional opinion

Our nursery only provided special food if the child's doctor wrote the manager and chef a letter to specify.
Dd2 was non dairy. No problem.

Too many parents try to get nurseries to serve alternative food/drinks without a real need.

Cmpa mum here, gosh I feel your pain. It’s a worry isn’t it. I sent my daughter to nursery eventually once she was two and we made progress on the milk ladder.

honestly was so supported at her setting. I checked out a few places, and I don’t think the nursery is right for you x