Diagnose me - I feel like I've been drowning for the last week ??!!!?!!

[morningpaper]

I feel very very tired and like my lungs are broken

At night it is worse

I've been to GP but no sign of infection although my peak flow was 350 - and I fainted after I gave a peak flow blow

He sent me home and told me to stop whining basically, it's probably viral

Is it viral or am I dying?

It's funny how Greta Garbo didn't fart in front of Gaston.

Yes it was really bad

we all looked around politely as though Nothing Had Happened

Yes, where is this roundup? [Glade Air Freshener]

I thought Victorian/Austen ladies did not fart, or couldn't?

Even dd1 who is sat here next to me with a proper chest infection is laughing away at your cringeworthy episode mp. I can't believe you didn't make light of it, now they'll think you are one of those cabbagy old ladies who guffs away in the supermaket without even noticing.

[open window fresh airing of stinky-pants thread]

I was shocked TBH, it came out of no-where, the was no warning

An inability to control your gaseous emissions is sadly not a symptom of tuberculosis, however hard you might wish it was.

ROFLMAO now this is Mumsnet at its best

threads like this remind me why I hang around this joint.

they make me wonder WHY I hang around this joint

Sorry, you trumped out of which orifice?

I think it's best if we don't talk about it

LOL was giving you a let out there (pun intended) as I have terrible trouble with fanny farts which are totally uncontrolable.

Well done on the round up. Feel free to wilt a bit now you have discharged your responsibilities.

Please no other uncontrolled discharges though

Oh MP, sorry you've been so poorly but I really do hope you will be including the terrible noise which came out of your unspecified orifice unexpectedly in front of the carpet man in next week's roundup . Choked on my hummus and olives I did.

DG: you are not alone with the fanny problem. My yoga teacher friend tells me certain positions are guaranteed to get everyone trumping (everyone with a fanny that is) and she has to forewarn the class not to be embarrassed .

When it is affecting me, I can't even stand up without trumping. It is so annoying, if putting a stitch in my fanny would help, I would do it myself!

Steady on now.

I hope there are not the faintest stirrings of sympathy here on this thread. Even the most infinitesimal amount of care or concern would be utterly fatal to mp in her current state.

Desist nice people!

[leeches]

Get on with it MP. And poke those you know to get this thread on Classics to be saved (perhaps along with you) forever.

no WAY is this thread going to stay

It is TERRIBLE

my throat hurts - I've only been able to read two bedtime stories

You are falling to pieces, mp. First coughing, now public farting. Whatever next.

Oh God, I have just laughed so much I had to puff away on my inhaler - didn't work much except to take my laugh from choking to Mutleyesque.

I do hope you are feeling better now, MP.

W

T

F

is this doing in classics?!?!

This is in classics cos everyone said "please don't die mp, we love your roundup

Morningpaper - are you better now?
I too thought WTF is this doing in classics

Then thought ahhhh its morningpaper, she is a classic we must all do all that we can to preserve her

Which makes you sound like a refined jam, sorry about that!