Diagnose me - I feel like I've been drowning for the last week ??!!!?!!

[morningpaper]

I feel very very tired and like my lungs are broken

At night it is worse

I've been to GP but no sign of infection although my peak flow was 350 - and I fainted after I gave a peak flow blow

He sent me home and told me to stop whining basically, it's probably viral

Is it viral or am I dying?

The unsympathetic lady that comes in halfway through demanding money -- that wouldn't be you, Slubber, by any chance?

She did have a most excellent fascinator head gear job going on didn't she?

Utterly ruthless but with good millinery, yeah, sounds about right.

I am loling away at the line "nothing will do me good anymore Gaston, except Armande's return"

Honestly! There are not enough eye rolls in the world to cover that.

You are v funny slubber.

Oh and Norma, I would be willing to place good money on mp wearing sensible, frumpy shoes ALL the time, regardless of the apparatus she is dripping about on.

I sense that she is that type, with spade like feet.

poor thing.

[tonic] you too thready

Have we not already established that this is MP

Although I am also drawn tothis one

Oh dear. I have the most inappropriate tears of mirth streaming down my face at Nana Moon.

We are ALL going to hell you know if mp actually snuffs it.

I am cackling at this thread and indeed

SLubber - it is worrying, isn't it.

But when weighing up the possibility of eternal damnation I still felt I had to share the vision that had popped into my head [pimms]

Funny thread [whiskey]

I think MP definitely has consumption. She must be bled and then sent to Switzerland to recover IMMEDIATELY.

I'd feel happier if she (mp not nana moon)could drag herself to the computer once a day to cough and splutter a bit, just to let us know she is still on this mortal coil and then we can continue with the get well mockery.

[coaster]

That's interesting. I always thought of a mortal coil as something you wear around you, rather than something you are stood on. So that shuffling it off is a bit like wriggling out of a tight dress, no?

[supermarket own-brand equivalent of lemsip]

I've found my mortal coil

I am still wheezing and possibly consumptive

I need to spend the winter in Switzerland

Yes, yes. Or Italy. It's always one of the two.

Have you been bled yet? It's very important that you are (though they may mess it up and you'll have to do a whole big dying scene, in your big frilly nightie).

St Moritz or Klosters, darlink?

Just let us know when you're up to choosing, and we'll see how much we can raise in an MN whip-round [schnapps]

fucking hilarious

thanks norma for forwarding

please dont die MP, I love the round up

Roundup?

[mead] [returns to theme of plague]

She could do the round-up from her sunny mountain-top spa, no? I can just see her lying on the chaise longue by the picture window, gazing over the Alps as she picks the top MIL, toddler-speak and pasta-bake threads of the week.

MP - when you are done drowning can you please do round up?

Be sure your anti-virus is switched on before you open the roundup.

[dettox]

She has to promise not to yodel though

oh yes NAG Roundup NAG NAG NAG

meanwhile I am fading away

Actually something awful happened this morning - I had carpet men in laying carpet, and spent the morning sitting at my desk coughing, and eventually this Carpet Man comes in and says 'We're done love, want to check?' and I stood up and basically a lot of wind had built up due to the coughing and a terrible noise occured

I'm never getting another carpet laid by THAT company, that's for sure

Oh jolly good. She is still with us.

mp do stop being such a Mary. Bobbins to Switzerland.....although Dignitas is there....

All you need is a Positive Mental Attitude, like Leonidas King of Sparta, that and the lemsip, warm socks and plenty of kirby grips.

[fabreeze]

ROFL at the carpet man trump

hahahahahaha

It's the beginning of the end mp, really it is, flatulence in front of the staff is really the first symptom.