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Original poster

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

665 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/02/2021 10:21

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party Confused

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious Grin

OP posts:
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31
PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 19:58

Speaking of the Zoey Tools Around books and Diary of a Crush, does anyone remember Diving In by Kate cann about a girl named Collette and her pushy boyfriend? Organza freebie with I think Bliss or J17?

jackieweaverhasauthority · 27/02/2021 19:58

Which mag had Grace Dent giving sex tips?

Okbussitout · 27/02/2021 20:04

@Tnuc

I remember one about a girl who was embarrassed about smelling, and it being so bad that other people in school were noticing.

The expert response was that the girl must have left a tampon in, and the advice was to "fish around in there" to remove said tampon.

Because that's literally the only possible cause.

Jesus this is horrifying! I feel like if you had left a tampon in long enough to have a long term smell you'd surely have tts or sepsis?!

Are teen mags much of a thing now? I'd hope they are more responsible if they are?

Spidder · 27/02/2021 20:08

I met a 'lush lad' on holiday at 13. I was not a natural flirt, but decided this would the place to learn. Based on some sterling advice from j17, I decided to be a bit cheeky and daring, so I pushed him in the pool.

Fully dressed.

He was...nonplussed and his mum was like ,wtf?

I gave up on flirting after that.

itssquidstella · 27/02/2021 20:09

@PlinkPlink omg I had the daisy anklet!

StanfordPines · 27/02/2021 20:11

What lad was it who was in a photo story in My Guy or such like who was later famous?

MidSummersNightmare · 27/02/2021 20:14

@StanfordPines
Vernon ? was in lots of them.

nevernotstruggling · 27/02/2021 20:19

@PhylisNightsIsAwesome

Speaking of the Zoey Tools Around books and Diary of a Crush, does anyone remember Diving In by Kate cann about a girl named Collette and her pushy boyfriend? Organza freebie with I think Bliss or J17?
Omg I bought every one of the zoey series I loved them!!!
Sammysquiz · 27/02/2021 20:25

I think Zoe was going out with Jake, but kissed Lucas. Ben(?) was blind and was Zoe's brother. He had an alarm clock that you could tap and it would speak out the time. Amazing.
I think Zoe wrote sayings she liked on post-it notes and put them up in her bedroom. I did this for a while too.

Yes that’s right!! It’s all coming flooding back. There was a quirky girl called Nina (I think) and she fancied Ben. She used to just put unlit cigarettes in her mouth but never actually light them & I found this very intriguing Hmm
I think Nina was sister to aloof Claire the weather-lover.

andmeee · 27/02/2021 20:28

I remember when Sugar magazine released a series of books that had titles such as "my boyfriend is old enough to be my dad". I think another one was about a girl who concealed a pregnancy, I had them all and thought they were amazing!!

Love this thread, it has brought back so many memories!

PerpetualStudent · 27/02/2021 20:28

PSA: thanks to this thread I’ve just discovered you can get the Diary of a Crush books on kindle. I’m gutted I didn’t keep the copies that came with J17 back in the day, I used to love them so much. I can still remember all the details of the dress Eddie wore to that club in Paris - silver trainers, slip dress from some cool Parisian thrift shop, and tonnes of glitter (obvs) Grin

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 20:38

@andmeee

I remember when Sugar magazine released a series of books that had titles such as "my boyfriend is old enough to be my dad". I think another one was about a girl who concealed a pregnancy, I had them all and thought they were amazing!!

Love this thread, it has brought back so many memories!

I remember those books. There was a really sad one about a girl with a new boyfriend and the beginnings of an eating disorder called Will He Love Me If I'm Thin?
peachgreen · 27/02/2021 20:39

The only problem with the Diary of a Crush books is that all the references have been updated to late 00s ones. So she's wearing Mac Ruby Woo instead of Rimmel Heather Shimmer and listening to The Strokes instead of Belle and Sebastian 😢

peachgreen · 27/02/2021 20:40

@PerpetualStudent yes! Wasn't it, like, pink underneath with a silver "slip" over the top? Amazing.

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 20:42

@Sammysquiz

*I think Zoe was going out with Jake, but kissed Lucas. Ben(?) was blind and was Zoe's brother. He had an alarm clock that you could tap and it would speak out the time. Amazing. I think Zoe wrote sayings she liked on post-it notes and put them up in her bedroom. I did this for a while too.*

Yes that’s right!! It’s all coming flooding back. There was a quirky girl called Nina (I think) and she fancied Ben. She used to just put unlit cigarettes in her mouth but never actually light them & I found this very intriguing Hmm
I think Nina was sister to aloof Claire the weather-lover.

Yup that's right, Nina was Claire's sister and loved unlit doggies and Axl Rose. Ben was Zoey's brother. Ben dated Nina, Aisha and Chris, the only black kids, were a couple. Claire drove the car in the accident, killing Wade, and Lucas got blamed for it.
Therarestone · 27/02/2021 20:44

OK this is my favourite ever thread. All the memories Grin

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 20:46

@peachgreen

The only problem with the Diary of a Crush books is that all the references have been updated to late 00s ones. So she's wearing Mac Ruby Woo instead of Rimmel Heather Shimmer and listening to The Strokes instead of Belle and Sebastian 😢
I HATE when books get bowdlerised like this! They been doing it to Enid Blyton too. apparently children these days are too delicate to read names like Dick or Fanny. Hmm

It is very patronising to young people. If they don't understand what a shilling is, or they have never heard of a certain band, they can Google it!

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 20:49

[quote peachgreen]@PerpetualStudent yes! Wasn't it, like, pink underneath with a silver "slip" over the top? Amazing.[/quote]
Edie had great clothes. I was jealous of that, and her thin frame and blonde hair! I do have the green eyes but mine aren't big!

PerpetualStudent · 27/02/2021 20:54

[quote peachgreen]@PerpetualStudent yes! Wasn't it, like, pink underneath with a silver "slip" over the top? Amazing.[/quote]
Yes! I’ve just scanned through to check - turns out I was conflating two dresses in my memory, one she wears to get into a club:

“Half an hour later, I was wearing Shona’s long, silky black Chinese dress with the slits up the side, my hair was twisted and pinned up and the glitter on my face made me look all eyes and cheekbones. ‘Edie, you are not wearing your Converses,’ protested Trent. ‘I forbid it.’ ‘No, the Converses are OK,’ insisted Nat. ‘Any other footwear would just be too much.’”

And one she buys from an otherwise all-pink boutique on her birthday:

“But the slip dress in the window was mostly black. It seemed to be made of silk and was edged with pink broderie anglaise, including the tiny shoestring, shoulder straps.”

I think I’ve internalised the desire to be ‘all glitter, eyes and cheekbones’ to this day TBH Grin

bourbonne · 27/02/2021 21:03

Ah, Shona! The wise older friend. Not like Mia, the frenemy.

I believe Sarra Manning was inadvertently responsible for the whole "sundress with Converse" trend that blighted so many young lives. I remember that line like it was yesterday!

tobee · 27/02/2021 21:04

Are equivalent magazines still like this today? I'm so ancient I don't even know the titles!

MammaSchwifty · 27/02/2021 21:08

Been checking out that Instagram, bloody hell, the prices of the clothes! it's what you'd pay now, 25 years later! no wonder I couldn't afford fashion and wore second hand, market bargains, and gear off the army surplus market stalls (the latter worked for my 1990s indie/rock/grunge ladette thing)

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 21:14

@tobee

Are equivalent magazines still like this today? I'm so ancient I don't even know the titles!
No idea. I don't know anyone that age group to ask, either!
BitOfFun · 27/02/2021 21:14

@feistyoneyouare:

I also remember the feature where they stopped people on the street and asked them where they bought their clothes. I always thought most of them looked incredibly cool and nothing like I ever looked, being someone who took a while to find my way style-wise.

I actually got stopped in the street by Girl magazine! I think they were less than impressed when I told them C&A and Ethel Austin Grin.

Lovingcup · 27/02/2021 21:18

@PhylisNightsIsAwesome yes I loved the Kate Cann books, I think the boyfriend was called Art maybe?