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Original poster

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

665 replies

SmidgenofaPigeon · 27/02/2021 10:21

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party Confused

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious Grin

OP posts:
Thread gallery
31
gingganggooleywotsit · 27/02/2021 21:18

I loved just 17! Just had a look on eBay you can buy stacks of them for a few pounds, how funny

PhylisNightsIsAwesome · 27/02/2021 21:20

[quote Lovingcup]@PhylisNightsIsAwesome yes I loved the Kate Cann books, I think the boyfriend was called Art maybe?[/quote]
Yes, his name was Art and his best friend was Mark, IIRC

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 27/02/2021 21:22

Ha! I’ve just googled 90s shout magazine on eBay - Jesus they are worth a fortune these days!

I love the true life story on this one - “I used to be a SIZE 18!!”

Clearly THE worst thing you could be in 1994.

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness
DemolitionBarbie · 27/02/2021 21:26

I don't remember anything specific about these but for some reason the profile pic of agony aunt Anita Naik is etched into my mind.

I just googled it and she looks like she could be a young trendy now. She was always talking about periods the whole time.

BitOfFun · 27/02/2021 21:30

Oh, and a friend of mine confessed to doing that "minty zing to drive him wild" thing, i.e. give him a blow job with your mouth full of Listerine...

The night ended in A&E with the skin peeling off his penis Shock.

CaffeineAndCrochet · 27/02/2021 21:34

@Sammysquiz

*I think Zoe was going out with Jake, but kissed Lucas. Ben(?) was blind and was Zoe's brother. He had an alarm clock that you could tap and it would speak out the time. Amazing. I think Zoe wrote sayings she liked on post-it notes and put them up in her bedroom. I did this for a while too.*

Yes that’s right!! It’s all coming flooding back. There was a quirky girl called Nina (I think) and she fancied Ben. She used to just put unlit cigarettes in her mouth but never actually light them & I found this very intriguing Hmm
I think Nina was sister to aloof Claire the weather-lover.

Yep - Nina liked the look of smoking cigarettes but was allergic to smoke or something. Nina and Benjamin ended up getting together. There's one book where it's revealed that Nina had been abused by her uncle when she was a child - which I actually thought was well-written.
RapunzelHadExtensions · 27/02/2021 21:38

Great thread!
You can buy back copies! I didna time machine for my DSIS 30th recently and bought Mizz and Shout off here. What an absolute treat.

www.magazinecollectors.co.uk/womens-magazines-mizz-magazine-c-2379_2386.html

TheAnswerIsCake · 27/02/2021 21:38

I love this thread... so many memories! Someone mentioned the pink detangling comb that came with Shout... I’m pretty sure it was with something like the second ever issue in about 1992. At the age of 41, I still have mine!

J17 was my favourite, although the language they used was irritating. “Boyf” in particular. And they also used “spesh” instead of special and “natch” which took me longer than it should have to work out meant “naturally”. I remember J17 confidential was the sex problem page, with Annabel G, who had a saying that went “to be sussed is a must, but sex under 16 is illegal!”

My parents found a few boxes of my old teen magazines in their loft a few years ago and I managed to sell a few. Some copies of TV Hits made over £10 each, and I had what was apparently a “rare” copy of Smash Hits that a collector bought for £35!

skeggycaggy · 27/02/2021 21:40

Yes to the holiday romance! I used to go to self catering cottage in Cornwall with my family for long cliff walks to deserted beaches, I read the ‘what to pack’ sort of features with feelings of inadequacy Grin

And yes to the stuff featured that you couldn’t even buy in the provinces!

TrufflyPig · 27/02/2021 21:42

I remember the frosted pink lip gloss on the front of one issue of shout

This was my look circa 1998! Bloody kids these days with their contour kits 😂😂😂

SenecaTrewe · 27/02/2021 21:44

to be sussed is a must, but sex under 16 is illegal!

I remember this!! I always used to think "chance would be a fine thing..." whenever I read it.

BitOfFun · 27/02/2021 22:08

My best friend's older brother (the dark-haired one) was in a photo shoot for My Guy. I'm afraid to say that I still have a bit of a crush on him!

ZenNudist · 27/02/2021 22:12

I have never stopped to think about how bad those magazines were. Also very heterosexual. That would not go down (ha) well now.

There's much more varied stuff for teens to be into now. Rather than endless makeup boys and sex.

I used to read more and mizz but not J17, thought it babyish. I don't think we tried the positions ever. I do remember more was very helpful about contraception and STDs. Very educational in that respect. I remember the advice to use condoms for STDs as well as the pill. Pretty sound advice really.

tobee · 27/02/2021 22:22

I've bought (adult) dd many of the annuals of these mags (and other decades ones) from eBay. You can get them quite reasonably if you scout about a bit!

SallyCinnamon3009 · 27/02/2021 22:44

@MammaSchwifty

my teen mags were bit earlier, I liked Just17 (though it was a bit young for a 17 year old), Mizz, More (pure filth, that one), Cosmo (a bit old ladyish) and I can't remember what else. Yes, they were crappy, but I actually remember a lot of stuff in there that was positive. About how periods were normal, that discharge was normal, normalising aspects of puberty, that if you didn't want to do anything with a boy then you shouldn't, all about condoms, lots of stuff about sex and orgasms, that you should tell the boy what you wanted him to do, types of orgasms, how to get them.

In some ways they held your hand through puberty and gave the sort of advice not everyone gets from their mum (certainly no one gets all the stuff about oral sex and positions!!). Better than learning about sex through porn like so many do today Sad

And yes, boys seeing your sanitary products was up there as the #1 most embarrassing event of your young life. Although, I guess today that would be getting exposed through revenge porn or something similarly grim. again Sad

Yes!!! This is How I remember teen mags of the mid 90s! I loved Just 17 but it wasn't as good when they changed it to monthly. I used to hoard them and wish I'd never thrown them away now!

Does anyone remember how the problem page in Just 17 had that little tag line "to be sussed is a must, but sex under 16 is illegal"

Loved the true life stories normally about some girl getting pregnant or snorting one line of coke and ending up in rehab

Tanith · 27/02/2021 22:57

"Why didn't they tell you, when giving you the "egg white will make your hair shine" thing, to use cold water to rinse???"

My friend and I came home from school one day to find her mum sat looking mournful, with what looked like scrambled egg in her hair.
She'd tried the egg tip she'd found in my friend's magazine and used hot water: took us ages to help comb it all out!

They also suggested using Eau de Cologne to freshen up hair if there was no time to wash it: I gave myself an allergic reaction trying that one.

hellosummersun · 27/02/2021 23:02

Do they have any similar teenage girl magazines nowadays?

toucancancan · 27/02/2021 23:02

This is a great thread! Had a dig about and find a pile of old Smash Hits stashed away 🙂

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness
toucancancan · 27/02/2021 23:04

Also

Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness
grassisjeweled · 27/02/2021 23:07

Omg look at Kylie! So young

toucancancan · 27/02/2021 23:07

Does anyone remember the early Kate Moss photoshoot in Mizz? (might have been been her first. I think she was about 14.

APJ1 · 27/02/2021 23:29

@BrumBoo Oh yes, my mother used to buy me Shout and Mizz in a desperate attempt to make me 'girl' better.

Haha, mine did the same!

minipilling · 28/02/2021 00:06

When I was about 14 (in 1998/9) my mum's younger colleague gave me a copy of 19 magazine because it had an interview with Alyson Hannigan from Buffy and I loved her. I don't think the colleague realized I was a naive little geek/and or hadn't noticed that the magazine was insanely sexual (being for 19 year olds). I was quite scandalized by the content and lurid talk of shagging blokes. From what I remember, that issue had 'how to tell a guy's good in bed from his dancing style' featuring Robbie Williams and Enrique Iglesias as examples and fairly graphic descriptions! Plus little snippets from readers about sexcapades, stuff about positions, something about a pink mug with a willy for a handle with milky tea in it (with a photo!)
If anyone happens to have that issue I'd love to read it again (it had a really weird/interesting article on how to eat according to your star sign cravings!)

minipilling · 28/02/2021 00:09

Also I was a regular reader of Shout magazine. I remember 'true life stories' about someone who had OCD and over hand-washing (her parents were smokers and she couldn't stand the smell on herself). Someone who helped out an old lady for a bit of pocket money and she confessed to stealing a pile of cash as well and buying clothes and makeup with it and feeling guilty afterwards!

A lot of ghost stories in Shout as well which I loved (they sometimes had free little sleepover books with sleepover tips and spooky stories!)

user1473878824 · 28/02/2021 00:16

@Wondermule

Yes I remember 😂😂 my Saturday morning consisted of a trip to the shop with £5 for Mizz, Shout, a Mars bar and whatever my mum asked me to pick up.

The ‘CRINGE’ page usually consisted of readers accidentally showing people their sanitary towels, or sneezing while walking past their ‘crush’ in the street.

You’re right, they were just manuals on how to get boys to notice you! (With a free clear lip gloss of course)

I’ve just burst out into a huge fit of laughter at the sneezing because oh my god I LOVED the cringe bits so much.