Early Noughties teen mag ridiculousness

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

Does anyone remember the little nuggets if totally ridiculous advice they’d give you in teen magazines?

I used to be an avid reader of Shout! magazine. The main goal of these magazines seemed to be being popular and having boys notice you obviously, and were filled with totally mad tips on how to achieve these things and not be a ‘geek’ who wasn’t interested. Which is totally inappropriate advice these days, happily.

I remember one was ‘if you are invited to a party, arrive late and leave early! You are a social butterfly who has had to squeeze the party in between other engagements’

Happily I HAD been invited to a party in my local pub function room that very weekend! I spent a long time applying glitter hair mascara to my fringe to make it clump together attractively (why) and I think I even had on one of those fetching skirt with trousers combos with a vest top from Tammy girl. I got my dad to drive round the block a bit so I could try to be late, but it didn’t take very long and I think I turned up at ten minutes after the start time. I had a few dances to All Saints and Steps and drank a couple of cans of Coke and an hour before it was due to finish, I did a big show of having to rush off.

Now, we lived in a very small town. There was NO WAY any other parties were happening on the same night. But desperately trying to stick to my social butterfly narrative I said goodbye and off I went.

I sat round the corner in the bus shelter until it was time to get picked up. While everyone else was having a nice time at the party

What a knob! When I got to school on the Monday everyone was saying it was rude to leave the party early and I felt like such an idiot.

Can anyone remember any more of the ridiculous things they used to spout in these magazines? I’d love to get my hands one now as I think it would be hilarious

I went to secondary from 2003-2008 and we read Bliss mag and Sugar. I remember when they made them ''hand-bag' friendly they were thicker but half the length.

If it came with a Pineapple brand bag, that bag was the bag that every girl had in school. This happend maybe 3 times.

It used to have tips for clear skin which seemed unattainable

I read them ALL. I even, and this is a bit embarrassing had a subscription for Bunty, and Mandy & Judy right until the bitter end. Through my my mum liked those as well. I think I was pretty thick as a teenager as I believed everything in the true life stories. The only thing I truly remember was that all the models had lovely none blotchy skin and shiny straight hair which I coveted. That and the free rubbish that I loved.

More was the sex mad one wasn't it?

I think I’d actually kill to re-read a copy of Sugar or Bliss or More or Mizz from the 90s. I have so many fond memories when I look back, they were largely inappropriate but god, I loved them at the time.

my teen mags were bit earlier, I liked Just17 (though it was a bit young for a 17 year old), Mizz, More (pure filth, that one), Cosmo (a bit old ladyish) and I can't remember what else. Yes, they were crappy, but I actually remember a lot of stuff in there that was positive. About how periods were normal, that discharge was normal, normalising aspects of puberty, that if you didn't want to do anything with a boy then you shouldn't, all about condoms, lots of stuff about sex and orgasms, that you should tell the boy what you wanted him to do, types of orgasms, how to get them.

In some ways they held your hand through puberty and gave the sort of advice not everyone gets from their mum (certainly no one gets all the stuff about oral sex and positions!!). Better than learning about sex through porn like so many do today

And yes, boys seeing your sanitary products was up there as the #1 most embarrassing event of your young life. Although, I guess today that would be getting exposed through revenge porn or something similarly grim. again

I loved 'My Guy' - full of pictures of brooding teens in stonewash denim, white t-shirts and leather. All the girls had perms and the boys had floppy long hair. I think I may try and explain the whole photo story concept to my teen so she can roll her eyes at me.

Oh my god yes More! I’d forgotten about that one. I bought a copy home once when I was 15 and my dad went nuts and put it on the fire!! I thought he was horrible at the time but I’d have done the same thing in hindsight I think 😂

[quote WonkyCactus]@GirlLovesWorld I turned down a job offer from that company when I was 17! I went to university instead but I've always wondered "what if...". Sounds like I dodged a bullet![/quote]
I'd say so. I was only there about 9 months and I was miserable really.

I actually left and went to a call centre for a year before Uni and had a riot!

@IndecentFeminist

More was the sex mad one wasn't it?

Haha, I used to love more. Felt so grown up reading the erotic fiction story at the back and "position of the week" in reality, I wouldn't lose my virginity for about another three years and even then was certainly never brave enough to try any positions.
Lol, a bit sad really. I'd hate for my daughters to read that crap at that age now.

Another who remembers the 80s version of these magazines - Jackie, My Guy, Blue Jeans, Patches, Just Seventeen.

A common theme in the problem pages was someone writing in about B.O. They'd say 'I wash regularly and use a deodorant so I don't know what's wrong'. The agony aunt would reply 'You need to use an anti-perspirant, not just a deodorant ...'

This riled me because there was a 99% chance the writer was using an anti-perspirant. 'Deodorant' was simply an umbrella term for anything you put on your armpits to stop them smelling (at least, as far as teenage girls were concerned it was what we'd call it). You'd have thought a writer on a girls' mag would realise that.

I was obsessed with these bloody magazines.

I even kept every single copy of more that I bought and struggled to part with them 🤣

I love your very specific grievance @LApprentiSorcier

@IndecentFeminist

More was the sex mad one wasn't it?

Yes! That was it! I've just googled it to see some covers - it's just as bad as I remember!

Im sure i read one of the tips on how to get your crush to notice you was try and discreetly spray his school bag with your Impulse spray so that he would be reminded of the smell of you

Can just imagine stalking a poor boy in the corridors trying to get close enough to fumigate his belongings with Vanilla impulse

@GirlLovesWorld

I love your very specific grievance *@LApprentiSorcier*

I can hold a grudge for years

Was More the one with 'sex position of the week' where it would have a drawing of a couple locked in some improbable karma sutra style embrace, usually doing handstands or upside down?

Rinse your hair with cold water to make it shine
Wear a pop of colour close to your face
Your eyebrows are sisters, not twins
Cucumber on eyes
Oatmeal on face
Live yoghurt on your vulva for thrush
Which jeans to wear for your body type
Which swimming costume/bikini to wear for your body type
Hair styles to suit your face shape
Men always notice your hands
Your hair is your crowing glory

What a load of shite.

@WhereDoMyBluebirdsFly

Was More the one with 'sex position of the week' where it would have a drawing of a couple locked in some improbable karma sutra style embrace, usually doing handstands or upside down?

Yes 🤣

@MidSummersNightmare

I was a teenager in the 90s. One particular article I remember was about how to look good when sunbathing on the beach. Their top tip was to dig a recess in the sand to put your bum and thighs in so the fat doesn’t get squashed out to the sides and therefore you look thinner.

That's actually a pretty genius idea. Don't judge me

I don't remember anything inappropriate about them at the time! Loved them! Can't remember anything too specific that was in them though. Except that there was a problem page once where someone apparently wrote in saying "People call me fried egg 'cos my breasts are too small" complete with sadface stock photo of girl examining too-small breasts in mirror, which sent my sister and I into hysterics whenever we read it so we cut it out and kept it in a box!

Actually looking back fried egg is probably a totally made up insult. No actual teenager would have come up with that. So I don't feel guilty for laughing :o

Cosmo was fucking weird though and full of tips like sucking an ice cube before you give a blowjob or doing it with your mouth full of champagne. Don't do that. Alcohol on mucous membranes isn't a pleasurable sensation.

I remember being told that you had to make something your signature that a boy wouldn't forget. Like a 'pillar box red lipstick' or a beret. Word for word. Amazing.

Yes, my mum found my stack of More mags and was absolutely horrified, though she needn't have been. Like PP I didn't become sexually active for some years after I has built that stash. But being armed with aaaaaall that sex knowledge was quite useful really when the time came.

@MammaSchwifty

my teen mags were bit earlier, I liked Just17 (though it was a bit young for a 17 year old), Mizz, More (pure filth, that one), Cosmo (a bit old ladyish) and I can't remember what else. Yes, they were crappy, but I actually remember a lot of stuff in there that was positive. About how periods were normal, that discharge was normal, normalising aspects of puberty, that if you didn't want to do anything with a boy then you shouldn't, all about condoms, lots of stuff about sex and orgasms, that you should tell the boy what you wanted him to do, types of orgasms, how to get them.

In some ways they held your hand through puberty and gave the sort of advice not everyone gets from their mum (certainly no one gets all the stuff about oral sex and positions!!). Better than learning about sex through porn like so many do today

And yes, boys seeing your sanitary products was up there as the #1 most embarrassing event of your young life. Although, I guess today that would be getting exposed through revenge porn or something similarly grim. again

More WAS pure filth! Ha. I loved it. When I was 12, I was always so disappointed when my grandparents bought me Twinkle and not More or Just 17.

I was a teenager in the 90s. One particular article I remember was about how to look good when sunbathing on the beach. Their top tip was to dig a recess in the sand to put your bum and thighs in so the fat doesn’t get squashed out to the sides and therefore you look thinner

Lol. I was a 90s teenager and I remember that scrunch drying your hair was big (literally!!) at that time. It involved mousse, drying your hair upside down, and a diffuser attachment for your hair dryer. My DM had curly hair already and there was no way she was going to shell out for a diffuser for the hair dryer. I remember trying multiple times without the diffuser...I just ended up with disgusting crunchy hair!
And every get ready for summer article involved body shop peppermint foot lotion!

Cosmo was fucking weird though and full of tips like sucking an ice cube before you give a blowjob or doing it with your mouth full of champagne.

haha yes I remember that one! why try to gild the lily like that? No one trialled that idea before they wrote it down.