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This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
zipzap · 10/06/2013 21:03

Oh yes - and take a copy of this thread for you too op, it will be lovely to look back on in years to come!

Has anybody reported this thread - in the nicest possible way! - to mn towers for them to move it into classics yet - or even just to let them know that such a lovely friendly happy life changing thing has just happened in the depths of the Chat section... Bet they would enjoy it too Grin

coribells · 10/06/2013 21:10

Delurking to say, wow, just wow. GrinGrinGrin

WeAreEternal · 10/06/2013 21:10

I have been lurking on this thread and I am so so SO happy for you Missy.

MN is a truly amazing place.

ohmeohmyforgotlogin · 10/06/2013 21:13

Seem to have something in my eye. Well done you lot and all the best OP

Lollyheart · 10/06/2013 21:13

Fantastic news , Grin
Started reading this thread a hour or so ago, soooo happy to get to the end to see you have found him Smile

KenDoddsDadsDog · 10/06/2013 21:25

Utterly brilliant ! So thrilled for you OP.

Happiestinwellybobs · 10/06/2013 21:37

I've been watching your thread since the beginning and am so chuffed for you. The wonderful power of MN strikes again Grin

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 10/06/2013 21:50

Sorry, so focused on you didn't acknowledge the amazing team of vipers who got you here.
Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks Thanks
you wicked, toxic, evil horrors GrinGrinGrin

Watching you work together has been astounding.

Best Mumsnetters, best women, best humans.

MarthasHarbour · 10/06/2013 22:00

Oh wow, just wow (75 cousins!! Shock )

I have been following this thread all week and am thrilled for you xxx

VivaLeBeaver · 10/06/2013 22:06

Ha, have just been on FB and see you found your cousin on the group I suggested. I'm so pleased that worked out, I really did think someone on there would know him.

It's a shame no one answered when I asked on it last week. I bumped it a few times but its quite a quick moving group so I guess if someone isn't online when it's active it soons gets lost.

StripeyYogurt · 10/06/2013 22:20
Grin
JewelFairies · 10/06/2013 22:36

Grin Grin

MuddlingMackem · 10/06/2013 22:38

Wow MissyMoo, fantastic news.

So pleased for you. Grin

Pleaseputyourshoeson · 10/06/2013 22:39

Bloody brilliant. Bloody brilliant! Wishing you all the happiness and it is heartwarming to see MN ers come together like that!

Southsearocks · 10/06/2013 22:40

Just popped back here as you're on my "watch" list and I'm so glad I did - yippee for you OP!! Just wonderful. Mumsnet is cracking! Jolly well done genealogists in the Team Grin

PrincessFiorimonde · 10/06/2013 22:47

MissyMoo, that's such excellent news! Well done to everyone who helped.

Hope you have a great time next weekend.

marriednotdead · 10/06/2013 22:54

Woohoo! Just popped back to see how far you'd managed to get. I had no doubt that MNetters would find your family, but not quite so quickly.

Dead chuffed for you Smile

PenelopeCruiserliner · 10/06/2013 23:12

One of the most fantastic MN threads ever!!! And just in time for Father's Day!

So delighted for you - enjoy your new extended family.

cosysocks · 10/06/2013 23:53

What an amazing Thread!!! Well done Mumsnet.

LaVitaBellissima · 10/06/2013 23:59

Huge Congratulations xx

TheRealFellatio · 11/06/2013 05:12

I wonder if some kind person at MNHQ with too much time on their hands could go through the thread and edit it a bit so that the surname and anything very specific that might compromise an individual's privacy could be changed to XXXX, and then this thread could go in classics? It really deserves to be there.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 11/06/2013 09:02

TRF I've asked them to do just that, it's too good to let it go.

MrsCosmopilite · 11/06/2013 09:11

What a wonderful outcome, Missy - sorry I couldn't find more when I was searching, but I am so glad that you have been able to locate your family!

Hopefully the catching up will be informative, and enjoyable. Don't forget to get pictures! You'll have to start drawing up your family tree - that IS something I can help with, if you need. :)

TerraNotSoFirma · 11/06/2013 09:42

Just read this thread this morning, WHAT AN OUTCOME :)
Shedding happy tears for you OP, can't wait to read more.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 11/06/2013 09:51

Thank you again everyone Grin I'm still smiling, and I barely slept last night my mind is buzzing with a million different things.

MrsC I am so very grateful that you helped me search for my family, and to everyone else who helped and posted wishing me luck and sent me messages and shared their stories with me an gave me advice and MissMarple who was on the case in bassingham for me and everything else that the wonderful MNers on this thread have done. The kindness that has been shown to me and effort that people have made to help me is something I will never forget.

I still can't believe it, for nearly 2 weeks there have been bits and pieces of the puzzle being found and then I post all the bits of information on a FB group (recommended by Viva ) and my second cousin (I think) recognises him within about 2 minutes and 5 minutes after that I'm speaking to her dad (my cousin) and he is telling me about Uncle Joey and popping out to see him for me.

I am eagerly awaiting a phonecall (that won't happen for hours yet I imagine, I pity and sales people calling me today) and I will let you all know how it goes.

Now, I have another lost family member, if anyone could help me track down my second cousin twice removeds address and phone number I would be most grateful, his name is Gerard Butler Grin Grin Grin

OP posts:
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