fecking animals are driving me nuts and i am going to kill them all

[TeggieCampbeggBlegg]

cat. In and out and in and out and in and out and in and out and food food food food food.

BigDog. Follow cat and breathe and pant and herd and pant and bark and herd and breathe and bark.

SmallDog. When not shagging the cat wilk not leave BigDog alone. Nose up arse and lick and lick and yap and yap snd lick snd sniff and luck and sniff.

All. The. Fucking. Time. Round. And. Round. And. Round. In. Circles.

I no longer love them. In fact I hate them all.

And DD2 wants a horse. HA! No fucking way.

Ah horses are easy, shut stable door, go home :) and ignore the fact you have to get up at 5am to let them out and shovel shit the next morning

you get used to the smell though

Well now the spring is coming (hollow laugh) you will have fleas and all the moulting hair to look forward to as well. Bastards.

I am waiting for the first sanctimonious fucker who posts 'poor animals '

Poor animals.

I'm tackling the problem of shedding early. Doodle is off for a bath and a shave.
I will get the bugger clean and tidy if it kills me!

Sanctimonious fuckers are quite welcome to come and rescue the poor animals.

Oh god.

Moulting.

[sob]

Cat always wanting to be on the other fecking side of the fecking door. I have mumsnetting to do an essay to write.

Also, DH gave him tuna this morning so he is manic and doing comedy cartoon cat charging around, complete with wheeling paws and mad skidding.

Go To Sleep You Wretched Animal.

Endless decaptitated mice and back legs of rabbits.... cunts.

Maybe spring is in the air. After boxing me on the nose to get up, my cat has run up and down the hall, skidding on the laminate, and worse helped me change the bed. Trying to put a king size duvet on with a fat lump in the middle ( the cat, DH has gone to work)

I'm crying now.

These poor creatures are hated by the person who should love them most. What hope do they have, living with such hostility? :(

Oh the joys of bed changing. My dogs lay in the middle of the bed and give you a soul crushing withering look as if to say 'You expect ME to move!'

Bastards.

Never forgiven mine really for making me pick up dissected frogs from the sitting room carpet. With a hangover bad enough that I couldn't work out what I was picking up with my bare hands until I picked up a leg with a flipper on the end eight years ago. No I don't hold grudges So glad we no longer have a garden with a pond.

Chickens!

I have three in my garden. The cockerel just wants to kill everything including me. The 'one eyed pirate' hen climbs trees and falls out of them into the road. The Asil hen is permanently broody, steals the eggs of the other hen and then refuses to drink or eat.

They aren't even mine! Grrrr...!

My cat does the bed changing thing. Looks all indignant when I attempt to change the covers, and the dog jumps up and down yapping in order to get the cats attention. Cat hisses at the dog, stalks off and lays down on the bed that I'll be doing next (and once they are all done, will choose a freshly made bed to shed all over).

The other cat is very loud, and from about 9pm at night will yowl repeatedly until we put fresh tinned food in the bowl. Despite the fact we probably did it just a few minutes before, if he didn't see it done, it isn't fresh.

Since having the dog though, we've not had a problem with dead mice or other small creatures...

My two bastards won't set foot out the door voluntarily in this weather, oh no, too cold mummy, nasty snow mummy.

But as soon as I so much as move the fecking leads, they are leaping around like spring lambs, ooh yes mummy, yes yes yes it's lovely out there if only you come with us.

If spring isn't here soon there will be 2 dogs playing on the M4.

My cats' recent crimes are:

Pissing in the bath
Shitting on the front door mat secretly so the post falls into it
Pissing on a pile of photographs, books and other items of sentimental value
Constantly yowling with the intent to wake DD up whenever she is asleep
Waking us at 6am without fail
As I type this biting me on the foot.

My cat crapped all over the cabling behind the TV about 20 minutes before I was due to leave to catch a booked train for the first Jolly Important Meeting of my new job with big wigs in That London.

I was thrilled.

It's like having a stalker - every time I move I can feel my dog looking at me. Each time I take a deep breath he looks expectantly. He comes in the car with me a lot and spends his whole time looking in the mirror so when I check my mirror all I see are his big beautiful eyes. I play a game in the evenings where I deliberately slow my breathing and lull him into a false sense of sleepiness and then I change my pattern of breathing - it confuses him!

I'm sure that the mere action of me looking at him causes an inexplicable reaction of lots of his fur falling on to my newly hoovered carpet. It's a never ending battle of woman against fur - and I'm losing.

And don't get me started on the mud!

I have two cats and they daily walk a slippery slope especially the one that cries all feckin day for goddamn dreamies then wants in, out, in, out etc

They won't eat their expensive foodfucking dreamies have ruined me and spend most of the day whinging to be fed.

Love them though :o

The snow is deeper than my dog, (she's an average sized dog).

Consequently the area immediately surrounding my back door is carpeted in yellow snow.

She has refused to go for a walk since Friday as she dislikes all weather.

The cats are the happiest I've ever seen them. I have one who loves water and one who isn't bothered either way. Apparently they both adore snow over a foot deep

Oh god cat shit on cables - one of mine did that to my laptop cable when she was a kitten (which also sent me into a yowling rage as I had to pack up my laptop for a meeting in That London with bigwigs as well).

I remember a poor dead mouse once - I couldn't work out what was on the floor so bent down and peered closely - it turned out to be a poor mouse's FACE with whiskers, the rest of him had been devoured.

They have also dragged in dead bats (which terrified dd when she was younger as we also live next to a graveyard) and on one memorable occasion a whole dead crow was yanked through the cat flap, black feathers all over the place.

Then they come up to be dribbling and want a cuddle.

Mud! Dog + Mud = Aaaaaargh