fecking animals are driving me nuts and i am going to kill them all

[TeggieCampbeggBlegg]

cat. In and out and in and out and in and out and in and out and food food food food food.

BigDog. Follow cat and breathe and pant and herd and pant and bark and herd and breathe and bark.

SmallDog. When not shagging the cat wilk not leave BigDog alone. Nose up arse and lick and lick and yap and yap snd lick snd sniff and luck and sniff.

All. The. Fucking. Time. Round. And. Round. And. Round. In. Circles.

I no longer love them. In fact I hate them all.

[Cockadoodlequack]

What the hell goes through heads when they eat these things? If anything?

My mum came home one day to find MadDog and StupidDog merrily eating the wall. Actually scraping the plaster off then eating it.

Ah, memories..... maybe I do need a dog....

[HunterWellies]

Jack Russell Terroriser:

Barks head off in the car. Wakes baby.

Barks head off at the doorbell. Wakes baby.

Rolls in fox poo. Cleans self by rolling all over lounge rug.

Gets covered in mud. Jumps on bed.

Disappears down rabbit holes for five hours. Brings home ticks.

Sits at back door whining to go out everytime I get comfy on the sofa.

Sits at back door whining to come in everytime I get comfy on the sofa.

Prefers to divide poo into one thousand tiny pieces by snapping them off while crouching around the lawn so it takes me half an hour to make it child friendly again. Every fucking time.

[kiwigirl42]

god I'd love to have a piss alone. Always at least 2 of the feckers downstairs, usually the wall eyed Ragdoll and the fat labrador, just in case I decide to do a bit of cooking and drop something while I'm in there (apart from the obvious ) and all 3 cats if I'm upstairs, one of them usually having a sychronised piss in the litter tray to keep me company

you'd never guess they were the most pampered pets in town

[Iatemyskinnyperson]

Maryz, nowhere on this thread has anyone documented cruelty to animals. Just animals being cruel to themselves through absolute & total stupidity.

[RandallPinkFloyd]

Fuck knows what their logic is.

Mmm, this plastic bottle is ossom, oh is that my blood all over the floor, never mind, wonderful bottle is worth the pain.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

When I was pregnant with ds1, the cats used to follow me to the loo every single bloody time - as if they didn't think I could be trusted to pee on my own, due to my delicate condition! As soon as I headed for the stairs, they would dash after me, and would both sit opposite the loo, on the edge of the bath, watching. Off putting, you will agree!

If I ever managed to make it upstairs without one of them noticing and sounding the alert, I would hear a thunder of paws as they ran up in a panic, for fear I had thrown myself in and drowned, I think!

[TerraNotSoFirma]

I have a corner sofa, 7ft x 10ft. Where am I sitting? At the dining table, that's where.
The German shepherd is stretched out on one side with the cat lying on her head.
The irish setter pup is taking up the whole of the other end, he is only 6 months and is almost taller than my 8yo shepherd.

They are all getting shoved onto their beds in a minute.

[Sailormercury]

I have a senior kitizen with dementia (16) that walks into empty rooms and cries extremely loudly for ages like she can't remember how to use an open door.
The little cat looks like a bizzare bat/cat/monkey hybrid and is a kleptomaniac. She has been known to drag cooked chickens out of carrier bags, remove the packaging and devour brazenly on the kitchen floor.

[Flappingandflying]

We had a house bunny. It cost me a fortune in vets bills due to its teeth problems. Bit much for something that some would stew or turn into gloves. By the end he couldn't clean his backend to spent a lot of time flicking his paws and thumping. Husband and I had to use the baby bath to wash its bum in every three days. Sigh.

Thank you ladies for stopping me feeling dog broody.

[TeggieCampbeggBlegg]

The Shit-Walk.
Why leave one steaming pile of shit when you can walk round shitting as you go? Thereby doing 107 shits rather than just one.

And while walking feel the need to squeeze out a shit every few metes. Getting sloppier and runnier each time

So mug-owner has to dangle 98 poo-bags. And attempt to pick up poo that is entirely liquid by the end.

I hate them.

[GoSuckEggs]

ah! I feel at home!

cat: shits in bath, pisses on any clothing discarded on floor. likes to do running jumps at shut window ( accidently headbutted a cactus and i almost DIED laughing, he was like this >> )
hide behind doors and attacks dogs. tried to excape out of the letter box
he truely is a twat of a cat.

dog 1: spends his WHOLE day doing one of 3 things:
slurping and sucking and licking his cock
following the cat around and licking his arse
trying to lick my face. fucking delightful.

dog 2: gets scared easily, and gets upset if he thinks you are telling him off.

[abbyfromoz]

This-

www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/dre0347l.jpg

[woopsidaisy]

We have a cat flap which cat can use.
I'm on sofa.
Cat meows at back door repeatedly until I open door. Door is beside flap.
Cat has made point.

[Montypig]

Ok I am so with you all

Dog no 1 - saintly staffie but he does chew everything at the moment- and I mean everything - all the kids toys, my place mats, the sofa ....

Mad dog no2 - stalker dog she silently creeps under your feet and then trips you up to lick you to death

Chickens - actually they are quite cool at the mo

Pigs - fucking uselss fuckers who have turned my garden into the Somme - spent the weekend making a new enclosure for them which they broke out of within 5 mins - too frigging smart for their own good - and we love them both so I can't even eat them......

Oh yes and the mud

[coffeeinbed]

Ha!
Idiot dog ate the plaster even without horse hair.
And the skiting boards - well, saves me on dusting!
He also poos 7 times a day.
Costs me a fortune in baggies - I'm a model citizen, me, always pick up.

[SadGiantPanda]

Oh, it's you again. The panda hater.

:(

You've made me sad. :( Again. :(

[SpringHeeledJack]

[theboob]

I bought my mum a border collie as it was a long time since pip had died and I thought it would do her good
she sends me pictures regular of what stupid dog has done now , wall chewing , getting out of cage , ripping up his bed , knocking mum flying on a walk .
Mum hates me now

[Lucyellensmum95]

My Bastard dog sleeps in our bed - i don;'t mind this too much as he keeps my feet warm. But now the fucker manages to wheedle himself INTO the duvet and pull it off me in the middle of the night.

His latest edearing trait cunting trick is to sit and growl at me and DP when it gets to about 11pm. He wants to go to bed, he will go from one to another - pacing up and down (tap tap tap tap tap on the laminate) sitting in front of us, growling Telling us, its bedtime now! Last night DP went up before me, this wasn't good enough, he was up and down the stairs - whining and growling until i gave up and went to bed!

[TeggieCampbeggBlegg]

Hello Panda. Aren't you dead yet?

[Lucyellensmum95]

Gosuckeggs I hear you re the cock licking - we used to have a rotweiller that did this, it would make my teeth itch - i now have an aversion to any eating noises at all - slurp slurp fucking slurp!!

[SadGiantPanda]

I'm still here. You know, eating bamboo and sleeping and ... eating some more bamboo. I suppose you wouldn't know, you with your varied diet and such nonsense.

:(

[ShadowsCollideWithPeople]

woopsidaisy, I somehow read that as you having a flat cap that your cat can use and visions of your kitty looking like http://www.google.ie/search?hl=en&client=chrome-mobile&biw=320&bih=238&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=hARSUd_KCZKDhQfP_YDQBQ&q=cat+in+a+flat+cap&oq=cat+in+a+flat+cap&gs_l=mobile-gws-serp.12...3669.9160.0.10890.9.9.0.0.0.0.793.3898.2j2j4-1j0j4.9.0...0.0...1c.1j4.7.mobile-gws-serp.4Z6BhyRiI3k#biv=i%7C0%3Bd%7CzQW4EEjt3IngcM%3A this.
Also, you can find anything on the internet