As the name suggests, I am sadly (but not that sadly) doing a shiney penguin....

[sadlydoingshineypenguins]

Quick potted history. With boyfriend 9 months. Not that serious but we had had the exclusive talk. Met on a dating site.

About a month ago had a feeling something wasn't right. Few nights he was supposed to be here and cancelled for dopey reasons that set my spidey sense tingling.

Looked on the dating site and lo and beholdy there is was, active, having logged in in the last 24 hours.

But I am not as stupid as he thinks I am.

I set up a profile called thisblokeliesandcheats (it's been taken down) with all his details except photo and spelled out what he'd done (thanks whoever that was who suggested that one) and I will probably do it again

At this point he's said he's coming here Thursday night to stop for the weekend (he doesn't work Friday)

BUT he has also arranged to meet "Anna" off the dating site at a lovely new restaurant for lunch on the Friday about an hour away from here (half an hour from his house)

Obviously, I am Anna.

So, how long do I keep this going. My teeth are itching I want to tell him so much

Am also a little upset, but I had nothing invested in the relationship, so my pride has taken a hit and I feel a bit of a mug but other than that am grand.

oh this is goood.

if you do the dad text, say "u lk as old as my dad, soz lolz" rather than he looks like your Dad

Please leave the dumping number two till much later or he will smell a rat. And not his sorry self

Right, don't do anything interesting until I get back from t'shops, you hear?

Yes, how are you going to dump him literately?

Yay!

[starts Mexican wave in honour of OP]

Got to go- sadly, you are amazing! Good luck with Dump 2.

I sent "Soz n all but u luk like my dad. lolz."

Go you. Do you have to dump him in person? Perhaps say you don't want to see him? You don't want the whole thing to come out if he comes round. Good luck! (my stripey top is dirty but I'm wearing it for internet purposes)

Does he read the DM? Because knowing the hard working journalists there this is bound to end up a DM story

Mexican wave!

Soz n all but u luk like my dad. lolz

Perfick. Hahahaaaa

"Soz n all but u luk like my dad. lolz."

Hope he replies!

Am waiting for the text to me from him.

I will have a small tonight in honour of Anna.

Am going out to another mate shortly because I don't want to be here this afternoon in case he calls round. But I will update you all I promise

Ha ha ha!!! His pride HAS to have taken a well deserved knock!!

Love it!!!

Glad you're going out, OP. Stay strong!

I was just thinking seb1 how much Matthew Wright, Patron Saint of Slimeyknobs, would like this. He could have a nice rant about us not haing jobs and being 'breeders'.

Even better he turns up at yours and your not there.

I would ignore calls and if he txts where are you? wait a good 1/2 hour before replying 'out'.

Have a nice afternoon sadly!!

Shit DS wants me to play a game with him.

have a lovely afternoon - you've sooooo earned it!

Go sadly, go sadly, go sadly

:o

Really glad you're getting out of the house, as now he's at a loose end he may well just drop round.

Yes, Anna is a bit fick, but she's definitely ballsy.