Help needed! Just found out about tax charge on child benefit.

[Banoffeepie29]

Hope this is OK to post. I've been such an idiot! I had some good advice on here recently about taking control more of my finances in an unequal marriage. I created a HMRC account on the app and realised I was only claiming child benefit for 2 children when I have 3! As I've recently learnt it's important for your pension credits to claim, I started a new claim for 3rd child but then read about the high income tax charge! I'm not 100% hiw much he earns, but I'm pretty sure my H earns atleast 60k. Now I am worried I will get in trouble for claiming. I'm not sure when he passed the 60k threshold, or exactly how much he is on.

Does anybody know if I will have to pay the tax charge back now? Does it get back dated? Or will it be H who has to pay it, he will be fuming if that's the case! I feel so stupid because I had no idea about this rule I'm rubbish at things like this anyway. I've got to the part of the claim where I need his NI number but now I'm worried about telling him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Everything you've posted is so sad @Banoffeepie29 I hope you can leave this awful abusive relationship

I do not in any way agree with the finances in your marriage.

If however you do end up stopping receiving the CB money, make sure you choose the option to not receive payments rather than close the claim, as you may need the NI credits at some point.

Also, your husband should cover paying the money to you directly. He can't expect to take away ftom you and the children while he has more for himself.

Far better for you to claim and he can pay back what is owed, as it will only be a portion - since the threshold raised.

I do understand the system. I know because he earns under 80k, that I will be able to still receive benefits because it won't all have to be paid back. Its my H who doesn't want to owe any money on it. He doesn't think about me not getting the money he never has. That's why I have never been able to access his money or be given any from him. I have explained to him how he could get caught out and needs to do a tax return, I even showed him what HMRC said.

Frankly OP you should stop worrying about the potential impact on your husband and start worrying about how to get out of this godawful relationship. And as another poster has rightly said do not close the claim, opt for NI credits at least, as I believe you may well need other benefits in the future. I spent 17 years with a man like this and thankfully divorced him in the end.

Can you really not say "H, if we claim the child benefit we will get three months backdated and an extra £17.90 per week from now on which we can put towards the tax charge. We will be better off doing this and it protects my state pension contributions."?

Tbh this does not come across as a husband who will care about OPs pension contributions.

Christ. I am so sorry OP. This is depressing to read.

Of course he should be paying the mortgage etc. He is housing HIS CHILDREN and HIS WIFE. That doesn't make him a prince.

He is happy for you to go without so he doesn't have to share his hoard. Fucking man goblin.

I do hope you see some of the comments and realise that he is financially abusing you and that it is not ok.

You are most likely entitled to half the house, even if he refuses to put you on the deeds. You are entitled to half his savings and child maintenance if you ever decide to leave.

I really hope you consider it. Seeing a strong mum go solo will be far better for your kids that this red-faced tight fisted bastard who lets his pregnant wife get into debt rather than share his earnings.

Could not have put that better myself.

I did say something like that, I said I would still recieve some money even though it wouldn't be the full amount and that it may help with my pension.

And how concerned was he about your pension?

I know I come across as stupid and people don't understand why I get nervous approaching this. Its took me a while to realise H is very anxious about money, and it makes him controlling. We got married v quickly just because I was pregnant, he was already in his 40s and had a career, I was in my 20s and didn't. He has never let me use his card or let me have a joint bank account. He is very much what's his is his (although he does obviously spend on us as a family) He wont even let me be named on the house and when i said this made me feel i dont trust him, he screamed at me and i begged for his forgiveness in tears. I'm not sure if he is worried I will go mad, I'm not a goldigger or freeloader, I hardly buy anything for myself now whereas when I met H I loved make up and nice clothes. I fully understand that it is better for ME to still claim but that bit seems to go over his head. I don't think anything about this is healthy and being pregnant makes me realise it more but I feel I am trapped.

He didn't mention it.

I kind of thought he might not. I absolutely don't think you're stupid btw, in reference to your earlier post. I lived with someone very similar though, ex husband, for over 17 years and just want you to know that this isn't how your marriage should be. I ended up being 'at fault' for everything, and my wishes or needs were never considered. I had children too. I survived after divorcing him and thank goodness I did. It should be a partnership and this issue you've posted about with the CB categorically shows yours is not.

@Banoffeepie29 - this statement: Its took me a while to realise H is very anxious about money, and it makes him controlling

Could be rewritten as - It took me a while to realise H is very abusive and controlling.

He is abusing you. I hope you can get out - none of this is normal or right

Can you reframe this? It’s not your fault and he doesn’t have anything to be angry at you about.

You just need to check with him that he’s been doing what he should have been doing eg tax returns. Why is it your responsibility to tell him? Why are you going to get in trouble for something that is his responsibility?? Especially seeing as you keep everything separate

“how and why on earth would I have known if you were or weren’t doing it right - Im not involved in any of your finances”

it’s like if he was speeding and you handed him the letter, he should know the rules and comply with them - it’s nothing to do with you, you’re just the messenger.

This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship at all.

You do not come across as stupid at all (did your husband tell you this?). You come across as a woman who is poorly informed and has low self esteem due to being in an obviously abusive marriage.

@FusionChefGeoff He hasn't been doing any tax returns, he wasn't even aware of having to do it.

All of this 😭

Please divorce the bastard and seek legal advice, the deeds mean nothing if you’re married.

He really needs to start thinking about family money rather than his and yours.
I agree with others that this attitude to money is very disturbing.
I think you should consider some form of marriage counselling.

On the specific point of child benefit maybe suggest he speaks to a financial adviser? They can explain clearly the benefit to the family of claiming the CB ie for you and the fact thst you can keep most of it anyway

As a higher rate tax payer it is his responsibility to manage his taxes and it is nothing to do with you. It has been like this for years with cb, maybe even before your dc were born and you started claiming. Do not stop claiming it, you claim it and he pays it back. We claim it and pay it back because none of us know what is round the corner and that money is to feed my dc if the shit hits the fan.

Assuming you are married it doesn’t matter if you aren’t on the deeds. I would highly recommend you get some support outside your marriage because you do not have to live your life this way.

Seems more likely he has buried his head in the sand and continues to do so

Don’t let him stop your claim unless he commits to giving you at least the equivalent £ to spend and even then you can choose to get ni credit without receiving payments. He may have had financial hardship in his background but that does not mitigate his abusive behaviour. He could change that if he wanted to. I grew up in a household like this, it was miserable as a dc as discretionary spending was frowned upon.

OP having read the whole thread I just want t reiterate that this is not at all normal in a marriage. This is not how it should be and I really
hope you know that and in future have the strength and resources to leave.
What I don’t understand though - he’s asked you to stop child benefit. Where does he think the money for kids clothes and swimming lessons and school uniform is going to come from? Genuinely? Is he just happy for the swimming lessons to stop and kids to have no uniform or shoes?
Or does he think you are spending that money on yourself?
Honestly don’t get his thought process. If you stopped child benifit he would need to give you extra money for the children would he not?

I literally think he doesn't care and having been married to one similar, he would actually prefer the OP to have no independent income at all so she has to ask him for every single penny for her children and herself. Imo and ime he is not unaware or unable to manage his affairs, he's just arrogant, controlling and unpleasant.

This is just so depressing and gets worse with every update and you being pregnant as well. I could just cry.

so many things to unpick but he seems very dim/not very worldly if he hasn’t appreciated that if you’re married the starting position is that you’re entitled to half the house regardless of whether or not you’re on the deeds.

if you divorced you could get probably half his assets, including pension, child maintenance and child benefit.