Help needed! Just found out about tax charge on child benefit.

[Banoffeepie29]

Hope this is OK to post. I've been such an idiot! I had some good advice on here recently about taking control more of my finances in an unequal marriage. I created a HMRC account on the app and realised I was only claiming child benefit for 2 children when I have 3! As I've recently learnt it's important for your pension credits to claim, I started a new claim for 3rd child but then read about the high income tax charge! I'm not 100% hiw much he earns, but I'm pretty sure my H earns atleast 60k. Now I am worried I will get in trouble for claiming. I'm not sure when he passed the 60k threshold, or exactly how much he is on.

Does anybody know if I will have to pay the tax charge back now? Does it get back dated? Or will it be H who has to pay it, he will be fuming if that's the case! I feel so stupid because I had no idea about this rule I'm rubbish at things like this anyway. I've got to the part of the claim where I need his NI number but now I'm worried about telling him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Not sure if this link will work, but here's an example of what you owe if earning £61,000, it would be £112 🙂

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit-tax-calculator/y/2/2025/no/61000.0/no

Important correction - OP @Banoffeepie29 you do not have to pay back a penny. Your DH is the one liable for the tax charge if any. The child benefit is yours to spend for the benefit of your children and you don't have to pay anything back. Obviously if you and DH have completely merged finances and you have complete freedom to spend whatever DH earns then this makes no difference, but in some families it makes a huge difference. In families where the main earner is using financial power as an abusive means of coercive control this difference can be life-saving, but when it's not abusive but there's still a massive imbalance in spending power, it's still significant. Every child is fully entitled to the child benefit that is claimed for them. The tax that is clawed back from high earners in those households is not the same money, this tax should reduce DHs personal disposable income, and should not reduce what you can spend on the children.

OP, I'm concerned about you having 3 DC with your H and about to have another, while not having shared finances, not on the house deeds and scared to tell your H that he needs to check he doesn't have to pay Child Benefit Tax charge. You say he isn't violent but his anger and the financial control cause you harm. Do you have friends and family in your life who know what your relationship is like? Do you ever think about leaving? If you are pregnant, then your midwife will have recwived training to support and signpost you to services that may be able to support you.

The tax issue is your husband's issue. As the higher earner he is the one responsible for reporting and paying the charge. It is designed that way exactly so that lower earning partners have access to some money. If you don't know how much he earns then he really has no business blaming you for not telling him something you don't even know whether it applies to him. He knows you have children, does he know you claim CB?

@Banoffeepie29 Sweetheart, I very much fear that you are trapped in an abusive and extremely financially controlling marriage, and you need support. None of this is your fault, and if your H won't share any financial information with you, how are you supposed to know?

By the way, it doesn't matter that your name is not on your house deeds. You are married, and it is a joint asset.

Please contact Women's Aid as soon as you can and tell them everything you've told us.

This is not your fault at all..does he not know you are claiming child benefit? How are you meant to know if he might need to file a self assessment if you don't even know how much he gets paid?

He sounds truly awful, overall financial picture should be a shared responsibility even if practically bank accounts are separate.

It’s his responsibility to declare child benefit if he knows you get it. If he’s that financially controlling he will know.
Does he know you get child benefit? If the answer is yes, say nothing because he’ll find out when he does a tax return and it asks if you have received child benefit and for how many children and who is the higher earner. He can’t blame you for him fucking up his own taxes. You don’t have a joint account and he won’t tell you about his earnings so as far as you’re concerned he knows what he’s doing.

Yes he knows. I often mention using it to pay for a day of nursery for the youngest and the kids swimming, all of which come out of H Bank account so I transfer the money to him.

Fucking hell, you earn £500-600 a month, he’s on £60k+ and he makes you send him the money for their swimming? What a genuinely horrible, miserable man. That’s unbelievable.

It is his responsibility to pay any tax back not yours. It is also his responsibility to have done tax returns to enable this. If he hasn’t done this then that’s his responsibility to fix and pay for.

You would do well to move this thread to relationships

This is horrinle to read that there are people living in such abusive relationships.

But also so many misconceptions on this thread. To summarise:

• There is no, and never has been a, limit on how many children you can claim the child benefit for - the two child benefit related to other benefits, never child benefit
• You can claim child benefit and tick a box and elect not to be paid so never ever take the option of not claiming (and don’t take the option of claiming and then laboriously paying it back). Just take the option of applying for it but then asking not to be paid and get the NI credits.
• It’s his responsibility and his tax liability and he’s every bit as liable as you for knowing about it - but he is 100% liable for the repayment

As others have said the key here is that HE needs to pay it back.

Even if he has to repay all of it you should still claim so you get your credit.

If you are persuaded to stop claiming because he doesn't want to do a tax return and you don't need the ni credit then be damn sure he pays you the equivalent, I know too many women short changed by 'D' H, makes my blood boil.

This with knobs on.

Sounds like you'd be best off getting back into full employment so you can support yourself if needed.

He’s financially abusive but also, if he knows you receive child benefit and knows his own earnings, how on earth could he be angry with you for this?

Do you have to pay for everything child related? Is there a reason you are having another child?

Show him the rules for child benefit if he won’t tell you directly what he earns

Great, he knows, don’t raise this with him.

Your DH is on 60k and you earn about £600 a month and he makes you transfer him the money for swimming lessons?!

How do you pay for food shops, kids clothes etc? Everything for the family should be joint and you have full access to it.

If he knows you claim the CB (which you’ve said he does) then it’s his responsibility to check he doesn’t have to repay any of it

However sounds like you have bigger problems than the CB charge

How can you even touch this man who is so fucking tight and selfish. He doesn’t value you at all.

threshold for repaying all is £80k but it’s not quite as straightforward as that as it’s an adjusted earnings amount - it’s done through annual tax returns for the person earning over the threshold

I mentioned it to H today. I asked him at first if he does tax returns, he said no. Then I said it might be worth doing one because he may have a high income tax charge because of my child benefit. He did swear and was angry (although not at me really, more at the system). However, he said his salary is basic rate £58k but when he has enhancements (he works weekend and nights also) it bumps it up above 60k (that's why I thought he was on 60k). I told him I don't want him to get caught out so it's worth doing one. He did seem calm after, just annoyed about having to pay it. I then had to go out, so will have to show him properly again tommorow. Hopefully, he will be OK and be just under the threshold, I'm just really hoping that he doesn't have to pay a lot back. Think I will avoid claiming for other children at present until I know more about what he has to pay.

As for posters telling me that our finances aren't normal, there are issues around this and other things that I have previously posted on mumsnet about. Thank you for all the practical advice everybody has given me.

You can still receive the money but he pays it back in his tax if he’s over the limit.

If he's only just over £60k from bonuses etc then there won't be very much extra tax to pay. It goes on adjusted salary after pension contributions anyway, and if that amount is say £65,000 then he only has to pay 25% of the CB you received. OR he could choose to put an extra £5k into pension and not have to pay anything.

When you go to claim it, you can tick to claim it but not be paid. That way you get no NI gap but don’t have to faff around doing a tax return, that’s what we do

Still claim for the other children. If he is over £80k then he can pay it back. If he is closer to £60k then there will be little to pay back if any and overall you will be better off. The children will get their national insurance numbers when they are 16 and your state pension credits are paid until the youngest is 12 if your earnings are too low. You need to earn £129 per week to be credited from earnings.

Do still claim it and for all the children.
When we had to pay some of it back we owed another £150 having been paid £1200 (loose figures) and especially in the financial circumstances you are in frankly even if you husband had to pay it all back plus fines I would still say that you should claim it as it's money you have control of.

Don't make yourself smaller to avoid making him angry.

Gemini could do with some training on financial abuse. I don't think it's appropriate to advise the OP to stop claiming in an 'unequal marriage'.