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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Husband has gone to the gym and I am having a miscarriage - really?

104 replies

Picklesandpies · 04/04/2018 21:59

Just that really. Utterly dumbfounded. We have just got home after tiring day at EPU. I'm miscarrying at 7+4 (PUL) and he has gone to the gym as soon as dds were in bed. I'm not supposed to be on my own due to risk of ectopic but more than that I'd imagined having a cuddle on the sofa and some support emotionally. WTAF.

OP posts:
Mum2OneTeen · 04/04/2018 22:03

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

Can you contact your partner and ask him to come home to be with you?

Take care xxx

leighdinglady · 04/04/2018 22:05

So sorry. That's unforgivable. Hopefully it's because he's struggling rather than just a heartless prick

Original poster
Picklesandpies · 04/04/2018 22:13

Thank you @Mum2OneTeen - he chose to go and I just don't feel like begging him to come home. I just can't believe it. He knew I wasn't happy but he just said 'this is what I mean when I say that I don't have time to go to the gym without it impacting on something else' and 'I've only been once this week - I'm never going to get into shape if I only go once.' We are going on holiday on Friday to a National Park for a week of walking. Ffs. Just feel so let down.

@leighdinglady I think the above is the answer to that question unfortunately, Thank you for your reply. I've just ruined one of our nice white towels as I forgot to take shitty old beach towel into bathroom with me and had no one to call to get one. The icing on the cake.

OP posts:
Tilly35 · 04/04/2018 22:17

Nothing to add just sorry OP Flowers

NorthernLurker · 04/04/2018 22:20

Call him and tell him to come home because if you bleed out with nobody there you could be very unwell. Chances are you won't so don't worry but he needs to understand this is a horrible physical process.

When the miscarriage is over, pack a bag, take your kids and go and stay with your parents, sister or friends. He needs to adjust his priorities and you need some proper support whilst he is doing that.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 04/04/2018 22:20

He’s a complete shit. So sorry, OP. Is there anyone else you can call to be with you?

Original poster
Picklesandpies · 04/04/2018 22:21

Thank you @Tilly35

He's just come back and asked 'how's it going down there'. I just can't entertain having a conversation with him right now.

OP posts:
Starlighter · 04/04/2018 22:22

So sorry OP. Flowers

Is he in shock or something?! Is he usually so cold and selfish? I’m not sure I could move on from this tbh. It’s such thoughtless and uncaring behaviour... Shock I really don’t know what to say!

BrigitsBigKnickers · 04/04/2018 22:23

Jeeez- seriously? What a prick...

Emma198 · 04/04/2018 22:24

So sorry OP. lost for words at your husband's behaviour. X

Mrskeats · 04/04/2018 22:25

down there???
Awful. Is he usually like this?
So sorry op

Original poster
Picklesandpies · 04/04/2018 22:25

By the way - he has been gone an hour at least. I didn't post straight away.

I really feel like having some space after this evening but we are going on holiday on Friday - with my parents and brother so that's tricky. The thing is, he knows it has its dangers as his brother's wife collapsed at home after suffering a miscarriage. She was blue lighted to hospital I think.

Does this really need spelling out to him? He is the brightest person I know but not very smart sometimes.

OP posts:
Anasnake · 04/04/2018 22:25

Are your ILs around ? Might be worth telling his mum how he's behaving if that's possible.

windchimesabotage · 04/04/2018 22:26

thats awful! Im so sorry for your loss Flowers Flowers

Littlechocola · 04/04/2018 22:29

I’m so sorry for your loss pickles. I would be vile. It’s unforgivable.

Greggers2017 · 04/04/2018 22:29

Could it be his way of dealing with it? My ex did something similar after I asked him to stay home. Looking back he says he's sorry but he admitted he didn't know what to do and how to deal with his emotions.

Starlighter · 04/04/2018 22:31

Yes, spell it out to him! He’s clearly not getting it... bizarre behaviour.

If you’re not up to going on holiday, you don’t have to go. Don’t push yourself too soon.

starryeyed19 · 04/04/2018 22:32

I'm so sorry for your loss. And slightly speechless re your husband's behaviour. Can you get out of the holiday?

Ragusa · 04/04/2018 22:34

His way of dealing with it my arse. I'm sorry OP :(

Original poster
Picklesandpies · 04/04/2018 22:37

@Starlighter I have to be honest, he's not normally like this but there have been a couple of times where I've been caught off guard and surprised by his behaviour. But honestly, no - he's normally not this inconsiderate. I don't think he's in shock though as we found out late last night at a private scan and then this morning had it confirmed at EPU.

@Mrskeats That made me feel  too. Bad choice of words. Just made me feel a bit like a machine or something. But I didn't really answer him as I was too busy loading the ruined towel in the washing machine and wanting to scream.

@Anasnake My in laws live in another country and they didn't even know I was pregnant.

@Greggers2017 I don't know - he's been upset and has cried a few times but this just felt like a thing he needed to do - to tick off the list so to speak. He did say he didn't really want to go but then justified it by saying he'd only been once etc

Am I living with a man child? Do I need to buy him a book or something? I really don't feel I should have to explain this. My Mum was fairly appalled when I told her and she normally thinks the sun shines out of my husband.

OP posts:
Oly5 · 04/04/2018 22:37

What a selfish prick. This isn’t his way of dealing with it.. he just clearly thinks it’s no big deal. Put him in the spare room til he apologises

Noqonterf · 04/04/2018 22:40

hows it going down there? That's utterly appalling. I'm so sorry op Flowers

missbehavin · 04/04/2018 22:41

Flowers Pickles I am very sorry you are in such a horrible situation. This is one of the saddest things I've ever read on MN. What a selfish, insensitive and utterly callous attitude your husband is showing toward you. For him to ask, 'how's it going down there'? is reprehensible. If you have a good female friend, I would call her, tell her what's happening, and ask her to come and stay with you tonight if she can because since your husband is being such a bloody snot and a bastard of the first order, he has made it necessary that you involve someone else to provide you with the care and monitoring that you need in this horrendously tragic circumstance. And if I were you, he'd be sleeping in the spare room or on the floor for the next six months (at least). The pig.

I'm sorry, I know you must love him as he is your husband and as a total stranger I have no right to speak so bluntly about him. My only defence is concern for you and your little ones. I really hope you will be okay x

Mrskeats · 04/04/2018 22:41

Surely you should be resting not travelling anyway re the holiday?
Bless you op. What a horrible day.

Badumdumdum · 04/04/2018 22:41

Whatever his reasons he's acting like a knob. I'm sorry you are miscarrying and I'm sorry you have no support. Can your mum bollock him if you can't face speaking to him?

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