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Lone parents

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Original poster

How much support do you get from your child's father?

79 replies

MummyJules · 25/06/2008 22:17

Just wondered how much support, if any you get from your childs father? I've been split up from my ex for over 2 1/2 years and have one daughter with him who is 5. I struggle continuously with the lack of financial and general support from him and just would be interested to find out what the norm is....

OP posts:
avenanap · 25/06/2008 22:19

No support apart from some cash each month. He moved to another country a few years ago because he was bored. I do it all myself.

micci25 · 25/06/2008 22:20

absolutely none! have never seen nor heard from him since he drove for two hours there and two hours back to tell me if i didnt have an abortion he would speak to my parents i was 21 he was 29!!!

mashedup · 25/06/2008 22:27

Hi. I get no support, never have done, and have been divorced for 11 years. My exH and I don't speak, but my DCs go to see him occasionally. He used to give me a lot of hassle, but that stopped about a year ago.

charliecat · 25/06/2008 22:37

no support no cash just hassle.

Original poster
MummyJules · 25/06/2008 22:39

Do you get any support from family/friends?

OP posts:
AggiePanther · 25/06/2008 22:39

nothing at all - he's not seen DD since she was 5 (8 years ago)

micci25 · 25/06/2008 22:40

i get loads of support with dd1 and now have dp who hinders helps with both dds

AggiePanther · 25/06/2008 22:43

mind you mummyjules - the first people to answer this thread are likely to be the ones who get nothing - I know it leapt off the screen at me -So it's not necessarily the norm
I did find it a lot easier once I stopped hoping to get support from him and realised I was on my own.

Tidgypuds · 25/06/2008 22:47

I get Financial support, he sees them 3 times a week (twice in the week for a couple of hours and one day at weekend for 6 hours)
Gives me hassle.
He is a wanker alright dad.

ChasingSquirrels · 25/06/2008 22:51

Only been apart for 3 months.
I get financial support, he has the kids overnight once in the week and for a 24 hour period over the weekend.
I could get some emotional support if I wanted it - he was the person I phoned when the dog became very ill last week - not sure quite how far I could push this, but in general I don't want it from him so irrelevant.

I get TONNES of support from my parents.

fadaoriana · 25/06/2008 22:56

No support at all, no money, no nothing. Friends and close family talk and visit, for the pratical stuff it´s only me. I wish my ex could be dead or in jale for the things he did to us, but he is not. I have 3 teenagers who are the most important thing in my life . that is enough for me.

Monty100 · 25/06/2008 23:51

No money for 4 years.Loads of heavy grief when we split. He has recently moved into my street I'm on another thread about that under relationships.

so, nothing positive really except he loves the kids but then they hate what he does to me so does he love them?

don't let it get you down.x

Monty100 · 25/06/2008 23:53

PMSL at tidgypuds. couldn't have said it better.

nappyaddict · 26/06/2008 00:12

micci has your dd1 never met her dad then?

am interested in hearing about peoples experiences with this cos i think ds might start questioning his lack of a dad in the next year.

Lurkinaround · 26/06/2008 00:14

None, financially or practical from DDs father. He sees them about once a month but he doesn't get involved in their lives really. Ex-in-laws were brilliant when DDs were younger and still have them to stay in the summer, send pocket money etc and I hope the girls keep up that relationship with them.

DS's Dad has never seen him and his family don't know DS exists.

I cope completely on my own but DDs are a huge help (also have a fantastic sister but she's not nearby and is busy with own family)

micci25 · 26/06/2008 01:08

no she has never met him or any of his family, tbh, i suspect that he has spun some yarn to his family about her not being his, after the csa contacted him there.

i know that he told his friends brother that he had a dna test and she wasnt his. we did have a test through the csa and it came back 99.99% positive that she is his!!! highest result you can get apparently!

she has never questioned it as she cant remember dp not being there, although when i first met him she called him by his name not dad and thought that the ant from the post office ad was her dad?!!! we will tell her the truth as her biological dad lives in our town so we run the risk of him finding her and telling her. atm we are arguing over when to tell her, i think the younger the better dp thinks that we should wait untill she is older

PurpleOne · 26/06/2008 01:29

He pays £17 a week but he's self employed and lies about it. Trouble is I see nothing of it as Income Support take it off me again. Nothing arranged cash in hand either, except school uniform.

In terms of support I'd love him to take dc's to school every once in a while - but he's sunning it up in the Maldives right now.

Sorry. He comes to get our kids every Friday. dd1 hates his wife so she don't sleep over either...
Horrible if I come across bitter and jealous...he just pisses me off and his wife is like a grown up child who cant even apologise to a 13 yo dd.

I cope on my own, even with his pathetic input in life...
dd2 loves him which is what matters, but dd1 says he's a tosser.....
His own making really. I never denied access.

nappyaddict · 26/06/2008 01:59

micci - does she call your dp dad now? how old was she when you met him?

micci25 · 26/06/2008 02:08

she was ten months she started aclling him when we took her on holiday at 16 months!

nappyaddict · 26/06/2008 02:20

oh quite young then. how old is she now? i reckon by about age 3 or 4 she would be old enough for you to start introducing her to the idea. the younger the better i reckon. at that sort of age she will hopefully just take it as fact. the older she gets the more she will understand and probably feel more hurt that it was kept from her.

micci25 · 26/06/2008 02:28

shes four. i agree if we wait too long she will be upset that she has been lied to but dp thinks that she will be too young to fully understand and we will confuse her!

nappyaddict · 26/06/2008 02:33

i think at that age you probably just need to introduce the idea gradually. if she asks questions you can tell her more but leave it up to her to have a think and then ask any questions rather than bombarding her with loads of information which she's not going to take in. at least then when she is old enough to understand more she will already know the basics and it won't be a massive shock.

Pinkchampagne · 26/06/2008 08:17

i must say, the boys dad is pretty good. He pays me £300 a month for the boys & we alternate the school dinner money fees. He sees them as often as he can (he does shift work) and will take them if I especially need him to have them for occasions where I have nights out planned or even weekends away with my new partner.
I feel very lucky on reading some of these posts. I can't believe how unsupportive some of your ex's are. Their children should be the most important thing to them.

lostdad · 26/06/2008 08:23

I pay £300 a month for my son.

My ex has done her best to exclude me from his life and told me a few months ago that she is moving hundreds of miles away. The only reason he spends time with me is because I was forced to take her to court after numerous attempts to talk to her and her refusal to attend any professional mediation whatsoever.

I am limited by how much parenting I do at the same time my ex is probably complaining about being a busy single mother - which was of her choosing, but she no doubt enjoys playing the martyr.

A lot of fathers walk away because they feel their ex's are using their children as a weapon against them. I've considered doing that many, many times myself and it's only my determination having stopped me from being so.

There are good fathers and bad fathers just as there are good mothers and bad mothers.

colditz · 26/06/2008 08:29

Quite a lot. But it is enabled. He has not managed to find himself anywhere suitable to live so they can visit him there (I do not consider a shared bedsit full of thieves, alcoholics and ex heroin addicts to be suitable) so he has to come here. He can'#t afford to take them out to eat, so they have to eat here. He won't pay to take them out for the day etc etc etc.

But I had a migraine last week and I rang him, and he took the day off work to look after them .... here.

There are negatives and positives to every situation.