WWYD - move back to London or stay?

[thesungodra]

About 5 years ago DH moved out of London with our then 2-year-old. We’ve since had another child. We live in a market town about an hour away on the train - very popular with commuters.

I still work in London two days a week and my DH runs a business which would benefit from him being in London once or twice a week. He currently doesn’t go in at all and does everything remotely.

One of the reasons we moved here was to afford a bigger house, which we’ve now got. We also wanted to be nearer family. Unfortunately this has been a mixed blessing as despite best efforts we don’t really see them very often, and they certainly don’t help with the kids. In fact we have no support network now and it is very hard to find babysitters, nannies etc, compared to London where there was a much greater supply of childcare. We are however near an outstanding state school which our kids attend. The state options round here are excellent.

I now have a new job which is likely to require me being in London slightly more often - not compulsory but something I’ll probably want to do as I manage a big team and want to be around for them.

DH has never settled in our new location and has started talking about moving back to London. The kids are pretty settled in their school and have a lovely life with regular hobbies and outdoor activities. I am on the fence. I don’t mind the town where we live but find it quite boring, plus I hate the time, expense and inconvenience of commuting. I am not sure what to do. If we do move, we should probably do it within the next year to avoid bedding the kids in any further.

WWYD?

Have you looked at what you’d be able to buy now in London with your budget?

I suppose it depends which area of London you'd be in and what the local school options would be, as well as general quality of life and crime levels etc. I find it hard to imagine being better than where you are though, as you've already said your local schools are excellent and your children are settled, plus you'd end up in a smaller house.

What is it that your husband misses about London? Are there issues the move would fix or does he just have itchy feet?

I'd want to be sure you don't end up doing another move a few years later when all the original issues (smaller housing, distance from family etc) begin to annoy you again

Budget has gone up quite a bit thanks to work progress so we’d be able to afford something on a par with where we are now, potentially a bit smaller.

And how does that compare with the place 5 years ago?

What does your husband imagine doing In London that he doesn’t do now?

What area would you be thinking?

ultimately though - your kids sound very very happy and settled. In fabulous schools. So no, I wouldn’t head back for a bit more excitement

The only way you'll know is to really look at the reality of London. Can you afford a decent house in an area you like with good schools? Do you still have friends in London you can hang out with?

I have stayed in London with our two. I honestly don't think we'd be much better off moving back to our hometown as the prices are expensive in the nice areas we'd want to live- allbe it we might get a bit more space. Our family wouldn't be much help tbh and we knew that. I also don't really think we need a hugehouse and would rather have all the resources of London to hand. Our kids area at a good school and get to go on great trips . Secondary options where we are are ok too. I think London is a great place to have kids. The first few years are tough but once in school it's actually really enjoyable to share the city with them.

And can you afford it in an area which will significantly cut down your commute? And what schools do you have access to?
I live in a commuter time and spend significantly less time ferrying kids to after school activities than my friends in London due to local options and everything being a short driving distance as opposed to getting on the tube

I still work in London two days a week and my DH runs a business which would benefit from him being in London once or twice a week. He currently doesn’t go in at all and does everything remotely.

he can’t be arsed to travel the hour in to London once or twice a week even though it would benefit his business?

Just come back to London. Life is too short to be bored and there is so much for children in London.

Can you afford to buy a flat in london as well as your house.

I think it’s the impracticality of being far away that is the main problem. It takes pretty much 2 hours to get to work for both of us, so it means we end up missing out on a lot of networking, drinks, extra days in etc.

He also says he misses the anonymity of London. It’s like being in a large village here, where everyone knows your business, and I think that’s been a difficult adjustment for him.

I do also miss all the cultural stuff, museums, theatre, food that’s more exciting than a curry … we have a cinema here but that’s about it.

Agree.
London is great for children and teenagers if you can afford it.

What does the husband envisage doing? He has two young children who are thriving and unhappy.

if he was in 20s…. Sure

but he runs a business and can’t even be bothered to travel in once a week so I can’t see him being bothered to make much of London when it’s on his door step

I would move back to London.

I’m surprised it’s very popular with commuters then?

It’s not really about being arsed. The reality is that meetings move, plans get cancelled, so sometimes he goes in only to find himself on video calls all day. It’s a 4 hour round trip which costs £70 so it has to be “worth it” IYSWIM. And our kids are young with lots of school events etc, and my days are mandatory, so his days in London are the first thing to get sacrificed when we need flex.

Interesting dilemma. I can see the logic of moving back to London but I guess the biggest challenge for you will be your kids and making sure they are ok etc....

Could you rent out your place in the town and then rent a place in London to trial it?

I guess people stay for the other things - good schools, more affordable housing stock, access to countryside etc. It’s standing room only on my train in the morning.

Pre the move we were in a very small 2 bed in zone 1. We have much more space now but would be able to afford something similar in London if we picked our area carefully.

I’m in genuinely popular commuter town… 42 mins to London Bridge

Maybe if you hadn’t have written 1 hour in your OP but actually 2 hours….

And in terms of what my husband would do … he’s growing his business so I guess he’d be looking to work with his team in person at least once a week, plus have more F2F meetings with clients, attend more networking events etc. His career has definitely taken a hit to enable mine these past couple of years and I am grateful to him for helping me to step up at work. I don’t expect him to do it forever but we need to make things easier somehow, preferably while still being pretty hands-on parents.

Just think carefully about secondary schools, if you can afford to live near the good ones then move back.

London it is then!

Yes, apologies, not clear of me. The actual train journey is 1 hour but there is travel time either side.

The train line is also unreliable and often delayed which has ruined many an evening commute for me! I often have to stand the whole way too which means I can’t catch up on work.