WWYD - move back to London or stay?

[thesungodra]

About 5 years ago DH moved out of London with our then 2-year-old. We’ve since had another child. We live in a market town about an hour away on the train - very popular with commuters.

I still work in London two days a week and my DH runs a business which would benefit from him being in London once or twice a week. He currently doesn’t go in at all and does everything remotely.

One of the reasons we moved here was to afford a bigger house, which we’ve now got. We also wanted to be nearer family. Unfortunately this has been a mixed blessing as despite best efforts we don’t really see them very often, and they certainly don’t help with the kids. In fact we have no support network now and it is very hard to find babysitters, nannies etc, compared to London where there was a much greater supply of childcare. We are however near an outstanding state school which our kids attend. The state options round here are excellent.

I now have a new job which is likely to require me being in London slightly more often - not compulsory but something I’ll probably want to do as I manage a big team and want to be around for them.

DH has never settled in our new location and has started talking about moving back to London. The kids are pretty settled in their school and have a lovely life with regular hobbies and outdoor activities. I am on the fence. I don’t mind the town where we live but find it quite boring, plus I hate the time, expense and inconvenience of commuting. I am not sure what to do. If we do move, we should probably do it within the next year to avoid bedding the kids in any further.

WWYD?

Sadly not, although I’d love that one day.

My priority would be schooling - can you get the good schooling in London?

I’d consider a crash pad in London so you and dh can both do 2 days with a night in London each week and some weekends as a family. A small base even if it’s with a pull out sofa.

Hmm. We stayed in a very nice part of SW London until the youngest was 18. I 'd have happily stayed. But, we got caught with secondary schools. There were no options for boys that offered a range of MFL or three separate sciences, let alone a classical language. There were two options for girls, both church and out of borough, so we locked into independents. No regrets, the DC did brilliantly and the indys were truly outstanding.

We moved out 10 miles - 35 mins to London Bridge, Victoria and Waterloo. The secondary schools here are brilliant. Even the middle of the road ones.

Ten years on I miss SW London still but when I go back it feels cramped, untidy and the 20mph limits are overwhelming. I would not swap the parking.

On the fence but the DC grew up as London children and are a street wise.

What would your budget be? It's a decent time to buy in London, for sure. And what kind of activities do the kids do? Something like riding, for example, would be a lot harder to accomplish in the city.

Budget probably £1.5m. Activities are gymnastics and martial arts (so far, although they’re still young) so fairly transportable I guess, although we’d certainly miss the amazing gymnastics club they go to.

Sounds a bit like a commuter town that I live in. Have you had a think about secondary schools? Young families specifically move to this area from places like London for their kids’ education. In London the competition will be much more fears, unless of course you can also afford good London indies.

London is great when you have that kind of budget. I regretted leaving when my kids were 8 and 10. I also ended up in a leafy town and enjoyed it for about 2 years and would never move back to somewhere like that. Some people love it, others are city people. I now know what I am. My kids are adults now and would never want to leave the city.

This is a tough one. Pros and cons for both. That commute sounds awful though.

I think if you can move near a decent secondary school, in a nice area of London, I would move back.

We moved out of London, my DH needs to go in once or twice a week.
I love love love the space, the countryside, the larger house, the village community etc. I am sensing that you and your DH don't, in which case, why stay?

In your shoes, I'd probably choose a few areas that you think work and see what you can realistically afford in terms of houses, and what the schools are like. If you're on the fence, I think doing that kind of exercise can help push you to one side or the other.

One thing to keep in mind, though - it sounds like your DCs are young. Schools can change enormously over a 5 year period, so you can't really know for sure what the senior schools will be like when you get there. London primaries are experiencing drastically dropping enrolment at the moment, so by the time you get to senior, the landscape could be very different, for better or for worse.

move back. London is great, and a shorter commute massively improves your quality of life.

I'd second this. My DC are also street savvy, able to navigate city public transport (including ones they don't know) with ease and seem to understand how to handle difficult situations well (eg both have been mugged but both handed over stuff without question; eldest has assisted a drunk woman who looked vulnerable by securing help from nearby pcso etc).
Personally I have valued being able to get home from work in time to make dinner and sit down with my DC and eat with them. If I lived a 2 hr commute then that wouldn't have happened much

Way to put someone with teens moving back to London OFF!!

People get mugged all the time and everywhere. Everyone whose been to Barcelona for starters. My kids know now to not have phones out and how to not be careless when out and about. Personally I'd prefer that !

I live in a commuter town 40 mins from London and I can assure you neither of my teens nor any of their dozens of friends have been mugged

let alone both of them!

Secondary schools would be the main consideration for me. We live just on the outskirts of London - at the end of a tube line. It's been brilliant all through primary school, museums and theatres practically on our doorstep, etc, etc. But when it came to move up to secondary we were really short for choice because we couldn't afford to go private. We muddled through, but I still think that perhaps we could have done better for the DCs in terms of schooling if we'd moved out a bit further. Unfortunately that wasn't an option for us for a number of different reasons.

I have been to Barcelona 5x and never mugged… what the heck are you on about??

Op I am a lover of London and lived there 15 years

my focus would be looking squarely as the schooling options wherever you go. You sound sorted where you are so it would take a lot for me to move in your shoes for my kids sakes

The main challenge in London is decent schools. If you can find that in an area you can afford, do it. So much to do in London with kids - museums, parks, shows, activities, etc.

Houses are selling for funny money in London. 1.9M for 4 bed in zone 3.

The wrong 'commuter' town? I live in Hertfordshire, 1 hour door to door which includes a 30 min walk to station, 20 min on train & 10 mins to office.
DH did work locally but we used childminders/after school clubs - both worked fulltime, no family help.
Obviously more of a social life gadding about in London as the kids got older.

I do understand DH’s point about the anonymity. I grew up in a gossipy village and the relief of moving to London and nobody knowing my business was enormous and that hasn’t changed

I love visiting market towns but my DH and I make full use of London’s many arts and cultural venues and exhibitions, as do our adult children

With your budget, you do have a greater chance of living in a nicer area but I agree that schools have to drive your decision and search

We left London and came back after 4 years, kids were mid primary ages. We moved out for a bigger house and family help. I didn't like having a bigger house, it didn't add value to my life. And family help was hit or miss as well. We missed London so much so we moved back, life is too short. I didn't realise London is so easy with children. So many free things to do, same as you my DH didn't settle in our other town either so he was happier. I have an army of local reliable teenagers who help me with drop off and pick ups. We came back to a place with good secondary options so I would recommend considering that. Kids travel free on buses so days out are cheaper. We are so much happier in London and whilst it's not for everyone, it works for us perfectly.

Well as long as they stay in their commuter town they'll be fine then !
My DC were together when mugged by the way!