Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Ex husband taking child out of school for wedding at gcse timr

104 replies

Nononoandno · 14/10/2019 11:22

So my ex is getting married and wants my son to join him abroad understandably, school have called me to say my ex has submitted the form to request absence in March for 4 days just before sons GCSEs. School have said if he goes ahead, a fine will be issued to both parents!! For the record my ex hasn’t told me about the planned wedding abroad, it was my son that told me (Ex and I don’t talk -not my choice) . I don’t approve of the timing but i don’t see how I can prevent him going, what should I do? Oh by the way my ex is a policeman ffs!!

OP posts:
halloweenismyseason · 14/10/2019 11:30

It's only 4 days really, timing is crap but I would tell the ex that he is to pay the fine for both and tell the school that it isn't your choice and you don't agree to it but there isn't much you can physically do as dad has PR.

Original poster
Nononoandno · 14/10/2019 11:49

My son lives with me full time, my ex refuses to talk to me so there is no way he would agree to pay the fine

OP posts:
PoohBearsHole · 14/10/2019 11:50

Then don’t agree for your son to be taken abroad?

AlkaSeltz · 14/10/2019 11:51

I think four days is loads just before GCSEs.

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/10/2019 11:53

You won’t be fined it’s the LEA not the school that fines . As long you as you write in now saying you do no agree it will be ok.
Also never known an LEA to fine for less than ten sessions.
Am confused about GCSE’s in March?

TeenPlusTwenties · 14/10/2019 11:59

What does your son think? If he is against going then back him up in saying no. I think persuading your DS it's a bad idea is your best chance of him not going.

Broadly speaking, imo no responsible parent would choose to take their child out of school for 4 days in the Spring of y11.

However if it is going to happen at least you have 5 months notice. Just watch out that he doesn't have drama/food tech/geography/music whatever practical exams that week.

Our school does 'second mocks' in March too.

MustardScreams · 14/10/2019 12:02

Err no. Not just before GCSE’s. When you’re a parent you have to plan around important times in your child’s life. GCSEs being one of those. Shows exactly how much forethought your ex gives to his son’s life.

Branleuse · 14/10/2019 12:05

dont allow it. Make him take you to court. They wont allow it either. This could be the difference between a pass or fail, and if there are flight delays he could miss exams altogether.

Tell your ex that while you are happy for him to get married etc and have no problem with that, you will not allow your sons GCSEs to be disrupted at this crucial time. He could have chosen literally any time of the year.

Original poster
Nononoandno · 14/10/2019 13:16

The wedding abroad is in March, his GCSEs are in May.
My son is nearly 16 I can’t stop him from going, do I chain him to the house?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nononoandno · 14/10/2019 13:17

I’m going to discuss it with my son and look at the timetable for those dates.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 14/10/2019 13:21

If he is studious and capable, four days in march wont make a difference.

Id be pissed off at the fine. Can you go to court to say you dont want him missing school in his gcse year?

prh47bridge · 14/10/2019 13:22

He needs your consent to take your son out of the country. Say no. To make doubly sure, you could get a Prohibited Steps Order.

You won’t be fined it’s the LEA not the school that fines . As long you as you write in now saying you do no agree it will be ok

Without knowing which school and LA we are dealing with you cannot say that for sure.

Also never known an LEA to fine for less than ten sessions

I have. Most won't but some do.

Am confused about GCSE’s in March?

GCSEs start on 5th May in Wales, 11th May elsewhere. The OP doesn't say her son is sitting GCSEs in March. She says the March wedding is just before his GCSEs. As the Easter holidays are in April, a holiday in late March is just a few school days before the start of GCSEs.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/10/2019 13:22

Your ex should have planned his wedding with consideration for your DS life you but it’s not immediately before his exams and I went on a family holiday right before a couple of mine and did better than predicted. You know the stuff or you don’t and a break isn’t going to ruin his chances of doing well. If he wants to go then of course you can’t stop him and your ex will have to pay any fines.

Branleuse · 14/10/2019 13:35

oh well if its 2 months in advance, then I would just go for it if it really will be just 4 days, but maybe id barter with son that he had to do extra revision and study after to make up for it

swingofthings · 14/10/2019 18:10

I don't see any issues with missing 4 days two months before the first exam if he is on track to do ok. He has time now to take it into consideration and get ahead by 4 days.

However, you certainly wouldn't have to pay and if I were you, I would write to both the school and LA and make it clear that you are in no way authorising this leave, that it is for the purpose of your ex getting married and that although you can't physically stop your ds, you expect them to appreciate that you shouldn't need to be liable for payment.

It is up to the LA to decide how to charge, who and how much.

Original poster
Nononoandno · 14/10/2019 18:24

Thanks for all your advice, I’m going to discuss it with my son and take it up with the authority if I get a letter about a fine, I’ve already told school I don’t endorse it but don’t feel I can stop my son attending his dads wedding in another country. Does any one know if it’s a criminal offence to take out of school during term time unauthorised? So does it go on your criminal record? X

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 14/10/2019 18:34

You wouldn’t get a criminal record if fine was paid.

RandomMess · 14/10/2019 18:43

Just put in writing to the school and LEA that you do not give your permission.

Hopefully it will mean they can't enforce the fine!

Original poster
Nononoandno · 14/10/2019 18:44

Think some of you are missing my point 😊 we don’t talk he refuses to have any contact with me since the child maint service told him to pay more money to me as our son lives with me 24/7. He doesn’t reply to my texts or phone calls, I only know the dates he planning on going cos school told me the dates he’s put on the request for absence form. There’s not a cat in hells chance he would pay my fine in fact he will probably find it hilarious, he doesn’t think the rules apply to him.

OP posts:
HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 14/10/2019 18:45

You need a Prohibited Steps Order from court, or hide DS passport?

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/10/2019 18:51

No not missing the point! If you write to the school you won’t get a fine!

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/10/2019 18:52

And also just don’t let your ds go to his house that day. And keep passport. You are over thinking this.

prh47bridge · 14/10/2019 18:57

On the subject of offences, it is a criminal offence for him to take your son out of the country without your consent unless there is a court order saying that your son lives with him.

Sunshinelollipops1 · 14/10/2019 18:57

Go to court get a prohibitive steps order.

halloweenismyseason · 14/10/2019 19:00

Op are you me GrinGrinGrin
My ex has stopped talking to me all together since I went to cms.
I still text him though, he can ignore me but the information is still getting sent.

Swipe left for the next trending thread