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Legal matters

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Original poster

Ex husband taking child out of school for wedding at gcse timr

104 replies

Nononoandno · 14/10/2019 11:22

So my ex is getting married and wants my son to join him abroad understandably, school have called me to say my ex has submitted the form to request absence in March for 4 days just before sons GCSEs. School have said if he goes ahead, a fine will be issued to both parents!! For the record my ex hasn’t told me about the planned wedding abroad, it was my son that told me (Ex and I don’t talk -not my choice) . I don’t approve of the timing but i don’t see how I can prevent him going, what should I do? Oh by the way my ex is a policeman ffs!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Nononoandno · 16/10/2019 10:20

Thanks everyone... I’m lucky in that I’ve got a family member with a holiday property in this country so it’s just the cost of Petrol.

OP posts:

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 16/10/2019 10:34

His dad is getting married, of course he should go.

Perhaps his dad should act like a dad and think about his son's education when booking his own wedding

Or you know, actually parent rather than leaving it all to Op.

Op you've made the right choice about your own break. You're just going to have to impress on your DS the importance of doing extra work to catch up on what he misses. Enjoy your holiday!

thisisasoloflight · 16/10/2019 10:58

Thanks everyone... I’m lucky in that I’ve got a family member with a holiday property in this country so it’s just the cost of Petrol.

This just gets better 👍

Drum2018 · 16/10/2019 11:12

Well don't hand out one penny towards this holiday for your son. That's all for his dad to pay. Travel, accommodation, Ski gear, ski hire, spending money etc will have to be covered by his dad. I would also send written confirmation to the school to say you did not agree to this unauthorised absence from school.

LizB62A · 16/10/2019 11:12

he doesn’t think the rules apply to him.

Based on everything you've said, but especially that line ^^ I think your ex is my ex !!

Make sure your son tells your ex that you're planning a holiday at the same time. That will almost guarantee that he'll change his mind about taking your son, as he'll want to try and mess up your plans

Original poster

Nononoandno · 16/10/2019 11:32

I’ve no plans buying skiing gear for my son, what will happen is his dad with think about it last minute and my son will end up in something he hates or that doesn’t fit oh and the same thing will happen with wedding clothes so my son will be self conscious, embarrassed and miserable, also as a responsible parent I understand my son will also need to buy a wedding gift and card which I will probably have to cough up for but I know 100% I wouldn’t get the same if the boot was on the other foot, I’ve always ensured my son buys his dad a card and present which my ex has never given my son money to buy me one. I still do it cos it’s the right thing to do for my son no matter how much it makes my blood boil!

OP posts:

Contraceptionismyfriend · 16/10/2019 11:34

Your son is old enough now to source his own gift. Don't baby him or he could end up as selfish as your Ex.

CupoTeap · 16/10/2019 11:34

Focus on your little holiday now, and pray his bride to be doesn't realise what a tear he is before the wedding

maternity123qwe · 16/10/2019 11:45

School with have authorised it as it’s exceptional circumstances, ie direct family wedding. That is technically allowed just bad timing.
However four days missed of school then isn’t the end of the world, the circulum will have finished months before and they will be concentrating on revision.
My DSS school pretty much spoon fed them when it came to revision from the beg of Year 11. Extra study sessions, weekend study sessions and after school sessions. If he starts his revision out side of school early the break might do him some good in terms of relaxation before it all.

prh47bridge · 16/10/2019 11:53

School with have authorised it as it’s exceptional circumstances, ie direct family wedding

Most schools would only class a family wedding as exceptional circumstances if the head is satisfied that there is a persuasive reason for holding the wedding during term time. Some schools will also allow it if excluding the child from the wedding may cause difficulties for the child. But it is by no means guaranteed that the wedding of a parent will be classed as exceptional circumstances.

RandomMess · 16/10/2019 12:17

Neither you nor your son need to buy them a wedding gift

Nicknacky · 16/10/2019 12:21

I can’t speak for English schools but Scottish schools will authorise holidays for children of emergency service workers, ours get authorised as my leave is dictated by my job (we don’t get fined though).

Drum2018 · 16/10/2019 13:22

Do not buy a gift for your ex's wedding from your Ds. If your Ds has no money I'd stretch to a card but definitely no gift. If your ex expects a gift from his son he's a dick (which he is anyway)

rookiemere · 16/10/2019 14:19

I'd prioritise ensuring your DS has ski gear over a wedding present any day. Maybe it could be his Christmas present.

coconuttelegraph · 16/10/2019 14:28

Don't prioritise getting ski gear at all, it's nothing to do with the OP. If the ex wants to take his child on a holiday that needs special equipment he must sort that out himself, no way should the OP spend a second of her time or a penny of her money on it.

Apart from anything else she would be modelling to her Ds that men get to have women sorting out their shit even when they are ex wives with whom they have no contact - that's ridiculous.

Original poster

Nononoandno · 16/10/2019 15:45

Coco
I hear ya, thank you, I’ve said I will buy him a winter coat that doubles up as a ski jacket and that is it.
I agree card only x

OP posts:

rookiemere · 16/10/2019 16:37

Sorry my comment came out wrong. Totally agree not a penny on a wedding present- frankly even a card is more generous than I'd be in the circumstances , but if your DS doesn't have the gear he will be miserable and cold. Therefore if you had planned to spend a few quid on a present then what I meant was that money would be better spent on DSs clothing - but as you aren't getting a present then fair enough.

Original poster

Nononoandno · 16/10/2019 16:40

I suppose How else is my son going to realise what a selfish my ex is and how everything and everyone else isn’t a priority if I cover for him and buy the pieces my ex doesn’t do, maybe my son might have to feel the cold for a week

OP posts:

Whoops75 · 16/10/2019 16:46

Do not pack for the holiday or spend any money on it.The people going on the trip can organize it. A word to Ds about doing research on what he will need is enough.

Pack for and enjoy your holiday OP

Original poster

Nononoandno · 16/10/2019 16:46

Did I mention my ex sold my sons motorbike ... so the bike he bought him for two christmasses and birthdays, when the child maint service told him to pay more he sold it and told my son it was because he was paying me more money so he sold it to pay me more!!!
No wonder my son suffers from anxiety, his dad tells him shit like that then I tell him the truth and how much he earns a year and my son doesn’t know what to believe :(

OP posts:

Original poster

Nononoandno · 16/10/2019 16:47

Thanks whoops

OP posts:

OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole · 16/10/2019 16:49

Nononoandno i hope that you have a nice break, it sounds as though you deserve it,

MileyWiley · 16/10/2019 16:50

I don't see the issue unless he is missing a coursework assessment session and is otherwise on track in all areas. It's 4 days and two months before the exams.

OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole · 16/10/2019 16:51

And i hope that your ds does well in his gcses, i am sorry to here that he suffers from anxiety

MileyWiley · 16/10/2019 16:53

@Sweetooth92 I agree 100%. If the son wants to go then he should not be missing his dads wedding. It is an important life event.

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