Ex husband taking child out of school for wedding at gcse timr

[Nononoandno]

So my ex is getting married and wants my son to join him abroad understandably, school have called me to say my ex has submitted the form to request absence in March for 4 days just before sons GCSEs. School have said if he goes ahead, a fine will be issued to both parents!! For the record my ex hasn’t told me about the planned wedding abroad, it was my son that told me (Ex and I don’t talk -not my choice) . I don’t approve of the timing but i don’t see how I can prevent him going, what should I do? Oh by the way my ex is a policeman ffs!!

Does Ds want to go??

4 days in March for exams in May seems ok

I would let him go and tell the school to correspond with the dad about it.

My son is nearly 16 I can’t stop him from going, do I chain him to the house

So parenting stops shy of 16 then? Gosh, I better remember that, my dd can do what she wants now then, I can't stop her.
Oh, wait, I can as she's a minor and I'm capable of parenting.

Just say no, you don't agree and tell him too close to GCSE's, of course you can stop it.

Look he already thinks you're a bitch. And he's certainly saying the very same to your son.

Personally 2 months ahead of exams seems fine, but honestly you hold pretty much all the cards. If you choose to discuss with DS you'll hold none.

Don’t discuss it with your son. You’re the parent. Say no. It’s not happening. Hide the passport, get a PSO.

What sort of parent decides to get married abroad weeks before their child sits their GCSEs? Priorities??

I mean abroad will still be there in July!

can’t stop him from going, do I chain him to the house?

No but you can take his passport. Your ex needs your permission to take your ds abroad. You are within your rights to withhold that.

Is your son hard working and studious? Likely to revise while on holiday. Or at the other end of the extreme and not likely to do any revision home or abroad? In which case maybe it won't do any harm.
If he's in between though it could lose him a crucial grade or two.

It’s a skiing holiday/wedding I’m pissed off with the timing cos of GCSEs and also pissed off that he thinks he’s entitled to do it without thought for son or even to talk or text me about it. I’m kicking myself for not putting a stop to it when I heard about it via my friend a few months ago.

Skiing holiday so he has all of Xmas holidays, feb mid term break and Easter break during which he could take his son away on holiday to ski- but he chose the last few weeks of term before GCSEs.

The trouble with missing school at that time is you just don't know whether it will impact or not.

It might be the lesson the teacher talks about the question 'How are the symbols of light and dark used in Macbeth'. No impact at all if that question doesn't come up. Massive impact if it does. Or the lessons the MFL teacher mentions a few particular words or phrases. if they come up in a translation or listening exam it could make a big difference.

But if your DS is going to grump about it, it could cause more disruption to refuse.

For those saying he won’t miss much in 4 days in March my dd did GCSE’s in May 2018 and my Ds is due to take them May 2020.

He will miss LOADS. They will be having revision sessions, going over past papers, practising exam technique etc. Depending what subjects he’s taking (music, drama Food, Art etc) he could miss practical assessments.

It wouldn’t be a criminal offence for your ex to take him out of the country without your consent if he’s 16 at the time.

If just looked on line and.........Anyone else, including the child him/herself, will need the court's permission to make an application for a prohibited steps order. An order can be for a specified length of time or last until the child reaches 16 years of age. In limited circumstances orders can last until the child is 18 years of age.

I think a court would stop him being taken out of the country if it I went down that route.

Halloween
I hear you 🙂 I still text him to tell him stuff that he should know, I don’t see why the absent parent should get away with not worrying and knowing what’s going on in his life.

I'd be carful with court. How stroppy is your teen?
At 15 he could flounce over to your Ex's house and there would be nothing you could do.

You shouldn’t get fined, the general rule is they have to miss 5 executive days, and every adult in the house which took him away will get fined. Your son is missing 4 days and you don’t live with your ex.
Saying that, 4 days right now is a huge amount. I’d be seeking legal advice, but as your son is 16 you may not get anywhere

S8 orders (prohibited steps, child arrangement, specificbissue) cannot extend beyond a child's 16th birthday other than in exceptional circumstances. This is not exceptional.

You need to convince your son this will damage his results, and get his teachers to talk to him. It is his decision.

www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed158012

You shouldn't get the fine, that only applies if you're married and living together then both parents receive the fine. I've been separated for 8 years and take my daughter away every year in term time (yes I know, naughty me). I've been fined twice and only I have received it, never her dad.

4 days is nothing in the whole 2 year build up to GCSEs. If he's going to fail 4 days won't make any difference, ditto if he is going to pass.

What would you do if a family wedding on your side was similarly timed?

You need to think about it before proceeding.
Yes your ex is a right cockwomble for arranging it so close to GCSE in term time, and any sensible parent wouldn’t. That isn’t for dispute.

But, if you make your son miss his dads wedding, if could damage your relationship with your son irreversibly.

While GCSE results are important, they’re just a stepping stone to the next stage at the end of the day. Can be retaken if necessary and not worth ruining your mother son relationship for. In my opinion anyway. I’d hope they wouldn’t fine you, but it may be worth putting into writing you don’t support the move to take him abroad to the school.

Does any one know if it’s a criminal offence to take out of school during term time unauthorised? So does it go on your criminal record?

It’s not. However, if you go to court and don’t pay the fine it can become one.

IMO it’s time for the parents to discuss this together not for the mum to tell her son what a bad idea it is and convince him to decline a skiing holiday and his dad’s wedding. He’s 16, in the middle of GCSEs and parents at war - the last thing he needs is to be stuck in the middle of this drama. Keep him out of it except to say that he will have to be responsible for catching up and tell him how you are going to support him in that. It’s 4 days - a whole range of things could keep him off school for four days in March, this is his dad’s wedding and an important event in both of their lives. I agree that his dad’s been a dick arranging it in term time but (speaking as one with significant experience here) his mum exerting her influence to prevent him going (while making it feel like his decision) is equally unfair.
It’s only 4 days and unless there are assessed practicals during those four days he should go to his dads wedding.

Would you be able to find out whether there are assessed practicals etc during the time he is away or just after he gets back?

I suppose school may also be concerned if he hurt himself skiing eg broken arm, just before assessed practicals start

I will say again.... since the child maint service increased what my ex pays me to take care of our son 24/7 he refuses to see... talk.... have ANY contact with me so how the fuck are we ever going to have a conversation about the bad timing of this!!