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This New Year, The Fledglings are Flying a new approach

824 replies

HillsBesideTheSea · 31/12/2021 16:54

Hello and welcome to new and old.

If you are new around here. Hi, introduce yourself around the fire pit in the naughty corner where we are all sitting comfortably. The naughty corner is decked out with comfy, and snacks, and a place just to have a chat when things haven't gone to plan. We are a very long running thread but do love new blood stopping by to join us.

Welcome to those who are returning.

We had a chat on the previous thread about possibly trying a new twist on the fly lady system. We all know that the fly lady system is good for establishing routines when we follow it. But we also know that sometimes we need a quick hit of a big declutter. And that life has a habit of throwing curve balls making it very difficult to stay on track.

So this is the plan. Each evening I will post the babystep, a thought point and the flylady daily focuses. We are not giving up on the fly lady system but just bringing it into line with the individuality of our lives, and trying to resolve some of the issues that comes from being the family brain, trying to do all the things and generally having modern busy lives. The thought point is to try to get you to think differently. And may require a click on a link (video), a discussion on the thread, or just you considering things. I do not promise it will make you feel better, or magically change your house straight away. But hopefully it will help with the overall flow and approach. And may just tweak the twee out of the fly lady system to the point where it is now your system.

But before you entirely regret your choices in letting my try this craziness we are going to start with some key basics that I really do think has been incorporated well into the Flylady system.

  1. the mess, disorder and chaos did not happen over night. Give yourself the grace and time to fix it. (also known as roman weren't built in a day so don't kill yourself trying to get your house immaculate in a day)
  1. Goals vs system.
We will go into this a little more shortly but to start, the fly lady system has an end goal - a house which is tidy and clean that comes second nature. It achieves it by building habits and routines that make the steps needed to achieve that goal second nature. There is a lot of research that says goals don't work, systems do. And systems are built on the formation of habits.
  1. You are never behind.
You might not be making the progress you would like, you may have taken a break. But you are not behind. So again, give yourself a break and drop the guilt. There is probably a reason why you have taken a break - illness, other demands on time, mental health etc etc. And yes some days it is an effort to make sure that everyone is fed and ok. But that is ok, so give yourself grace that on that day that was exactly what was needed and thus you succeeded in the essential goal of the day. guilt is just going to make things harder than it needs to be. It is ok not to feel guilty if you did not do all the things.

I will be back later with links for tomo. I am posting them in the evening the night before because some of us are morning people, and some of us are night people. And this way everyone will be able to see prior to when they need to consider it.

Come park your broom in the new thread for a little while and have a natter whilst we wait to bring in the New year.

OP posts:
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Ladyrattles · 21/01/2022 01:03

Ta Da
Smilesorted out some financial stuff with kids
Smilewent out to shop for essentials
Smilemade pan fried honey carrots that I saw Antoni on Queer Eye make
Smilemade a pizza inc the dough

My goal for tomorrow is to find somewhere for the new vacuum as I still haven't found any space yet. And maybe start on the zones .....eeek.

HillsBesideTheSea · 21/01/2022 08:06

Good morning.

Ds and I am in a stand off over him going to school this morning. Hmm

So whilst I am waiting for him to decide to be sensible and get up, or roll over and go back to sleep whilst means i am about to be horrible mum here are the links.

Babystep - have a look at the faq section of flylady website. we won't tell if you don't
Launch pad
daily focus - date night, it is also clean your purse and car day.

Daily focus: how do you deal with change? Do you embrace it, do you fight it, do you ignore it until you can't any longer?
Do you know about the change cycle and how it affects your feelings towards the change? Is it something you are curious about because i can actually explain that.

Right time to annoy the teen again in the aim to get him to school. Classic music, or something with a good base that is just not his music... hmm the possibilities are endless...

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 21/01/2022 08:18

Mine is up and in the shower but looking set to be late again Hills - fun isn't it? Hmm

I do not know about the change cycle and would be interested Smile

Off to take the dog out, make packed lunch for ds and make some coffee - I might actually make proper coffee.

IWasWillingToGoWassailing · 21/01/2022 09:20

Just dashing through having not read anything as I have the opportunity to work this morning while DS3 is in classes. Back later!

HillsBesideTheSea · 21/01/2022 09:57

ta da
deal with ds and point out to him that i have a life that does not revolve around him - he is unimpressed
contact school
write a craft project audit list - what i have in progress, what i have bought for specific projects and want to start
set some cups to soak ready for throwing things in the dw
drink 2 cups of coffee - 1 more than my self imposed 1 cup caffienated -- currently craving more
review my book inventory list that i started last night and realise it needs work
assess whether it would be madness to join a knitting kal or not.
review the schedule i created yesterday - decide i am definitely crazy
get dressed

Flagging - unmotivated - frustrated - fed up of other people thinking that my time is theirs.

So need a PO6:
dw loaded and running
tip stuff sorted and ready to go
load of washing on
charity shop sorted
grills pans washed up
email school

OP posts:
HillsBesideTheSea · 21/01/2022 10:04

That last one should be email tutor Hmm

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 21/01/2022 10:23

Tada:
Got ds out the door to school on time
Got all rubbish out of the house just in time for collection
Managed to locate my stove top coffee maker after searching the kitchen three times - by which time I cba with making proper coffee so had instant.
Produced/modified 2 powerpoints and plans for lessons that I'm pleased with but don't actually need till next week so should have been getting ready but was stuck in the zone.

Now trying to get myself moving to have a quick shower and get to work. Not feeling it. Tempted to just scrape hair back in a greasy ponytail Blush

IWasWillingToGoWassailing · 21/01/2022 13:03

Phew! Finally read back through. Personals have not stuck much but:
Zireael I hope you enjoyed your birthday
Hazel I hope you got some actual down time on your days off
Red I hope you're feeling better
Hiils thanks for the brilliant recap and solidarity with you for arsey teenage boys
Lady vent away, that's what the thread is for
Sing hope you are not too sore and DD's wire comes out cleanly
Zoo hope you are not buried under a pile of stuff, lovely.

I have got four full hours of work done this morning and am now taking a break for lunch and MN. Will shortly be making coffee (and possibly a hot water bottle as the attic is cold 🥶) to go back upstairs and get some more done. But first, I must walk up to town with out of date inhalers and buy a delicates bag for the washing machine.

In particular I have combined anti-procrastination with self-care and sent an email that was bothering me.

HillsBesideTheSea · 21/01/2022 13:46

Well decisions have been made and we start the process of him dropping out of 6th form, sorting a new course for september and part time work in the meantime. it is going to be a very bumping ride the next few days as we get this sorted.

I have tired to focus on my studies today. But my brain is EVERYWHERE all at once and focusing on complicated stuff is hard. I am going to go get coffee and see what i can get done. I don't have enough energy for all of this.

OP posts:
StillUp · 21/01/2022 14:08

Dropped off the thread for a few days no idea how as I’ve mainly been sat on my arse but I’m now caught up Smile. It seems DD2 is morphing into a Velcro baby who wakes as soon as she is put down, and insists she is starving. So there are some ta Das from the last few days which have literally been done in bursts of a few minutes:

⏰ few LOLs washed and put away. Some of it even got ironed StarHalo
⏰ have been managing to s&s and empty the DW each morning
⏰ went mine sweeping under sofa number 1 - found a number of pens, an eye rolling quantity of DH’s dirty socks, various barbie accessories, sweet wrappers and half a cats worth of cat hair. Unfortunately not the appointment letter I was looking for. Hoping it appears under sofa number two and I have until February to find it.
⏰ underwear drawer organised with nice new baskets (I recommend Fly. Rest of the house might be verging in chaos but I feel like a domestic goddess when I open it, so I keep opening it and just looking Grin)
⏰ made a start on restoring the utility room from chaos - cleared, swept and mopped the floor, cleared a quarter of the bench, wiped down the WM and tidied the larder a little bit
⏰ cleared half of the dining table
⏰ tidied DD1’s craft trolley
⏰ dusted and tidied top of dining room sideboard
⏰ dusted boudoir window sill, dressing table and top of drawers, and cleared a couple of hotspots

Glad DS has come to a decision and made plans Hills, hope it goes well for him. The thinking points have helped me a lot so far, thank you. I think I set my expectations way too high and I’m finding just tiny bit frequent bits of progress are just as rewarding as a big blitz but without wearing myself out. Regarding change, I’m ok with big changes and tend to take them in my stride, but weirdly I struggle with smaller changes to my usual routine. I’m a creature of habit!

Hope the plumbing issue is easily sorted ED!

Redsquirrel5 · 21/01/2022 14:11

Oh dear Hills That sounds a worry. DD’s DP dropped out still went for his exams and passed with B B C and a D I 🤔 think. Later did an access course went to his second choice Uni because first choice didn’t like the access entry and passed With a 1st in Law.
Sometimes it isn’t the right time for them.

Wassailing I am feeling a bit better thanks. No longer pain 24 hrs a day. Still haven’t heard from GP.Yesterday went a bit tits up so gave up and knew I would have today as DH has gone walking.
Sounds good anti procrastination and self care✅

I got distracted from boudoir and planning to go up there soon. I was hoping to get all of it done this week but looking unlikely.

I watched a couple of Fly lady YouTube’s. Oh my she takes a long time to get around to it. I had to put the second one off. I was hoping for a demo to see if I could pick up any tips.🙄 I can’t believe what she says about making the bed. I have always been a fling the covers off and air it person. Mum was a nurse so it was always air it and hospital corners when making. I have some fitted so don’t have to do it but agree it makes a better bed.

So today
Aired bed
S&S
1 LOL done one going in next.
Cleaned out top tea, coffee, hot chocolate cupboard. Mugs. Teapot. Coffee pot.
Vacuumed all downstairs.
Wiped table and put new runner on which appears to have shrunk in the last wash even though it has had quite a few. I have put a place mat over it.

Saw coal man.
Wiped kitchen /back door.

Spent a lot of time cooking yesterday. Took main meal to friend’s and cakes to gardening club.DH forgot the homemade meatballs that was supposed to go with it. Two ovens- look in both 👀

No sign of pointystick has someone broken it in frustration?

Lady we all vent on here at one time or another. You are in good company and it will make you feel better.

Sends newly arrived sniffer dog 🐕 to look for Zoo as may have tunnelled under teens clothing pile and now can’t find exit!

Redsquirrel5 · 21/01/2022 14:15

Oh bless her. Growth spurt perhaps Up

Up reminded me. Hope plumbing issue is sorted too. We had one under the sink cupboard. They came back and sorted it.

SingToTheSky · 21/01/2022 18:50

Quiet day here. DH loved his birthday presents, most of the afternoon has been taken up with DD1’s appt. Pin removed, she’s got one of those Velcro splint things to wear most of the time and then she will have physio. Not allowed back to most of her dance classes for at least a month. Too late for dinner out as planned so it’s takeaway instead, at least it means DS can go to scouts (he did himself pasta as he doesn’t like Nando’s).

Redsquirrel5 · 21/01/2022 23:53

Quiet day on this thread. Goodness I was expecting to come and catch up. Is everybody busy shining their sinks?

Sing great news about DH presents.
Your DD will find the splint more comfortable but may find she is tired more easily and some pain throbbing for first few days. Remind her to rest it on a cushion if watching tv as that will help. The physio team never did get back to me.
Take away sounds a great idea. Oh bless him making his pesto definitely a good Boy Scout 😃

I can’t remember what else I have done. I did get another LOL done and DH walking gear is in ready for the morning. Mine is on the Everhot rail and the radiator. Will be dry by morning.

Had a look at another American YouTube about Decluttering. Got fed up before she finished. Still no phone call from GP about results. I thought they would have been in by now. Had a text telling me to go for booster. Planning to go tomorrow.

Going to try and do some boudoir cleaning tomorrow. Need to clean hens out too. I do a major clean and renew bedding on Saturdays. Pick out during the week though they are on straw now which is more difficult. Shaving and horse bedding is much easier but straw seems more cosy. Had to put the tarp back on again.

DH in very good mood as he went walking today. Said it was very cold on the tops.
I had the vegan M&S cashew macaroni tonight. It was delicious and I will have it again. It was creamy and slightly cheesy.i used to love Macaroni Cheese and made I about every week for my kids who also loved it. I would say have a bit of Heinz tomato sauce with it. DH found it a bit sweet but I had already eaten some with tomato sauce so it combatted the sweetness.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

SingToTheSky · 22/01/2022 06:46

Morning everyone! Hope the fledglings were busy having either productive, fun or restful Fridays :)

I ended up sleeping a bit more than usual as Cagletini fell asleep before dinner - often this would be danger nap time, but we left her to doze as she’d had a bad night on Thursday. As soon as she stirred I took her up to our bed (via the loo) and she got back to sleep. She was fidgeting a lot though so I stayed with her. Had left my phone downstairs which was clearly a good thing for my own sleep

Woke just after six which is a bit annoying for a Saturday but I’m feeling like I could have a productive day. Not yet though. Nobody else is awake so I’m going to avoid disturbing them and stay in bed catching up on the thread. :o

HazelNuttyElf · 22/01/2022 07:06

Sorry, I've been quiet the past few days. Wednesday was more relaxing than Tuesday. I did get 2 lots of brownies baked for work on Thursday, as well as made frosting for them. I also got a few LOLs done and had to take my Jeep over to have the tyres looked at since one was flat 😡
I did get to watch 2 movies though, they were both good.

Thursday and Friday I worked all day. Thursday night I didn't even rotate the DW 😱 Friday I did rotate the DW, but that was it. I'm glad it's now the weekend!

Red maybe it's time to start bugging the doctor and asking if they have the results? Especially if you're still having pain. Also on the decluttering front, have you seen Marie Kondo style of decluttering and organising? She has 2 shows on Netflix (here in the US anyway) but there's also lots of pins on Pinterest on her style too. Saying "thank you" to items is weird to me but it seems to work for others, although she does have a good technique for sorting out, and tells you what to start with!

Sing I'm glad your day seemed to work out for everyone. I hope you enjoyed Nandos, I've only eaten there once and it was good (we don't have them here, unfortunately). Happy belated birthday to your DH.

hills is good to hear that your DS has made a decision about school. Red is right, maybe now just isn't the right time for him for continuing education, and needs a bit of a break. I really like your thinking points. I do actually embrace change, better now than I used to. Although I'm trying to change my routine and thinking on certain things (weightloss/ low carb/ exercise) and having a really hard time with it. Not sure what the roadblock is yet.
Up taking care of a baby is hard work, especially when they decide you can't do anything but hold, feed and love them! I hope you find that appointment letter soon, but if not, can you ask for another? Or at least a date and time?

I should get to bed. I fell asleep on the couch earlier, but now it's after midnight and need to get to sleep so my schedule isn't too screwed up!
🍒👋 to everyone

frankiefirstyear · 22/01/2022 07:42

Hi everyone I've dropped off the last few days.

I've made a terrible mistake adopting a dog. We were matched with this dog but our house/lifestyle really isn't suitable. Our last dog had the same impairments but I never let her get this bad before I pts. I didn't realise just how bad this one was. I've been so upset over it, seeing the way he is distresses me so much. I've learned some valuable lessons about spending time with a potential dog, and getting one who's been fostered and not kennelled could help get a better match too - just wanted to share for anyone else thinking of adopting.

I'm full of cold too as are DC and just generally feeling terrible atm. Sorry for the moan Sad hope everyone is getting on well.

SingToTheSky · 22/01/2022 07:44

yes ta da
🔑made lunch (yep had done nothing before that!)
🔑phoned OU - all sorted
🔑LOL
🔑bit of diary admin
🔑bit of work
🔑got DS out the door for parkour

Been catching up on the thread and wanted to mention the talking points - I like the idea of the project management approach to housework etc. I’m wondering if starting work has helped me with this TBH. For example my colleagues recommended grouping our tasks by category (purely because it’s easier to record on the timesheet which has to be detailed for funding streams etc) and that habit has seeped into the rest of my life a bit. Sort of making me more efficient I suppose.

Also, I remember reading an article in Scientific American years ago about the disadvantages of multitasking. It pointed out that you can waste time adjusting between tasks as your brain has to catch up (what am I doing, where did I get up to last time etc), and even if that adjustment is quick and subtle it still adds up. Something to think about. It also needs to balance with not getting bored of course, and ADHD can mean needing lots of different things to flit between (TBH this is one of the reasons I love my job - so many different projects and tasks!).

Wassail I had to Google the word fossicking - I love it! Definitely end up fossicking for lost things because CLUTTER.

Good to see you hazel!

Hills sorry sixth form isn’t working out. FWIW I dropped out of AS levels in year 12, and restarted the following year - absolutely the right decision for me, and I ended up taking a different subject on a whim which I ended up loving (law). Didn’t know I was autistic/ADHD back then but looking back I can see it was burnout. I needed the break.

Just turned on the light and Cagletini is now awake. Sat bolt upright with a “Good morning mummy I was dreaming of Spider-Man!” 🙃

SingToTheSky · 22/01/2022 08:08

Right. Now the smallest is happily awake I should actually get up. Lots of things I want to get on with today. I was also reading Hills’ advice on the “one and done” type tasks compared to the regular chores and bigger projects. It’s ridiculous how much mental energy and brain space is taken up with NOT doing these tasks - how often am I thinking “oh I really should do XYZ” and writing it down (probably more than once) on my phone list, how often is it nagging me at the back of my mind adding to the guilt of not having done it?

And some of these aren’t even things that cause anxiety (unlike tasks like form filling etc) so there’s no real reason to put them off.

I’m going to try and get lots of one and done tasks out of the way this weekend I think, along with continuing to declutter.

po3.1
❗️LOL into dryer
❗️Get clothes ready for Cagletini and brush her hair
❗️Write list of things that need buying for one and done tasks (command strips etc)

SingToTheSky · 22/01/2022 10:04

I have been through my “brain dump” phone note and written in my dotty notebook anything that can be classed as a “one and done”. Scarily (but also happily because nice round number) it’s come to THIRTY 😳

So I’ve drawn a little grid to colour in because much as habit tracking doesn’t work for me long term, I do love a bit of colouring in for completed tasks 😁

Some of them are very easy things, even watching something I’ve procrastinated over, so to make a start I’ve put our unseen Eat Well For Less on for me and DD1 (staying home as not feeling great) while I get on with some of the easy tasks on my phone. Worryingly quite a few tasks are relating to messaging people as I tend to hermit myself when overwhelmed!

SingToTheSky · 22/01/2022 10:24

I’ve possibly messed up some in the sense that they aren’t actually one step - eg I’ve had to message my friend asking something, and I’ve ordered command strips to hang pictures. But still. Progress is progress!

swallowedAfly · 22/01/2022 10:38

I'm stuck in my bed. Been awake since before 5 but really tired. Must get up as the poor dog will be crossing his legs.

Have to go to Ikea this afternoon - I need to and a friend is generously taking me but so wish I wasn't going.

Rest assured everyone you are at least more productive than me this morning.

Redsquirrel5 · 22/01/2022 11:23

swallowedAfly you are not the only one stuck in bed😚I woke at 10:50 and am just coming around to getting out then DH brought me a cup of tea. I wanted to get up and do so much today.👎

Hazel Yes, I will ring him on Tuesday and ask. I think part of me doesn’t want to know.
I have watched her( MK )on YouTube but I found she doesn’t really live like a normal person. I do like her folding techniques though and have kept that up...knickers and t shirts. I didn’t get rid of them though just relegated the worst t shirt for a painting T-shirt. It has a wizard ( not HP)on it for goodness sake how can I throw that out?😆

P of 3 for me today.
Under the bed for dust bunnies.
See if there is any room in clothes box for hot weather clothes, put away.
Clean top of bedside cabinet that I use and the pile on the floor.

StillUp · 22/01/2022 11:23

I’m only marginally more productive fly. I’ve had a shower, dressed and done a DIY fringe trim. I’ve also hung up yesterday’s LOL but that was after you posted. The house feels a bit of a tip but DH is at work until lunchtime and DD2 requires milk and snuggles. Thankfully DH sorted DD1’s breakfast before he left, she’s got herself dressed (in a sparkly tutu, but hey ho) and she’s being a star playing independently. I’ve had a magnum for breakfast Blush (ice cream, not champagne) and need to get tidied up as we have potential visitors this afternoon.

Sing if something is a few steps can you colour in a proportion of the box each time you do a step? Hope DD’s wrist is ok this morning.

Sorry the dog adoption isn’t going well Frankie Sad

StillUp · 22/01/2022 11:27

Oh and I found the appointment letter Hazel. SH had moved it when he was ‘tidying up’ ie moved paperwork from the coffee table (where I wanted it until I wrote it in my planner) to the kitchen bench…

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