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This New Year, The Fledglings are Flying a new approach

824 replies

HillsBesideTheSea · 31/12/2021 16:54

Hello and welcome to new and old.

If you are new around here. Hi, introduce yourself around the fire pit in the naughty corner where we are all sitting comfortably. The naughty corner is decked out with comfy, and snacks, and a place just to have a chat when things haven't gone to plan. We are a very long running thread but do love new blood stopping by to join us.

Welcome to those who are returning.

We had a chat on the previous thread about possibly trying a new twist on the fly lady system. We all know that the fly lady system is good for establishing routines when we follow it. But we also know that sometimes we need a quick hit of a big declutter. And that life has a habit of throwing curve balls making it very difficult to stay on track.

So this is the plan. Each evening I will post the babystep, a thought point and the flylady daily focuses. We are not giving up on the fly lady system but just bringing it into line with the individuality of our lives, and trying to resolve some of the issues that comes from being the family brain, trying to do all the things and generally having modern busy lives. The thought point is to try to get you to think differently. And may require a click on a link (video), a discussion on the thread, or just you considering things. I do not promise it will make you feel better, or magically change your house straight away. But hopefully it will help with the overall flow and approach. And may just tweak the twee out of the fly lady system to the point where it is now your system.

But before you entirely regret your choices in letting my try this craziness we are going to start with some key basics that I really do think has been incorporated well into the Flylady system.

  1. the mess, disorder and chaos did not happen over night. Give yourself the grace and time to fix it. (also known as roman weren't built in a day so don't kill yourself trying to get your house immaculate in a day)
  1. Goals vs system.
We will go into this a little more shortly but to start, the fly lady system has an end goal - a house which is tidy and clean that comes second nature. It achieves it by building habits and routines that make the steps needed to achieve that goal second nature. There is a lot of research that says goals don't work, systems do. And systems are built on the formation of habits.
  1. You are never behind.
You might not be making the progress you would like, you may have taken a break. But you are not behind. So again, give yourself a break and drop the guilt. There is probably a reason why you have taken a break - illness, other demands on time, mental health etc etc. And yes some days it is an effort to make sure that everyone is fed and ok. But that is ok, so give yourself grace that on that day that was exactly what was needed and thus you succeeded in the essential goal of the day. guilt is just going to make things harder than it needs to be. It is ok not to feel guilty if you did not do all the things.

I will be back later with links for tomo. I am posting them in the evening the night before because some of us are morning people, and some of us are night people. And this way everyone will be able to see prior to when they need to consider it.

Come park your broom in the new thread for a little while and have a natter whilst we wait to bring in the New year.

OP posts:
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swallowedAfly · 19/01/2022 17:38

Take care Zoo - do what you need to do.

Yes Hills - scream away.

Settle into the naughty corner with the snuggly cushions and blankets lady - our homes would be so tidy if it wasn't for the damned people and animals.

I managed to mark a set of books before school, a set during and have brought home a set to mark before tomorrow's parent's evening. This is my life it seems - endless marking of endless assessments. Had an observation today and an awkward meeting with hod to discuss issues with her not doing certain things properly for my performance management but kids were mostly great and lessons were interesting and I was able to offer some support and advice to a young colleague in need. Mainly along the lines of teacher survival rates are low and a critical factor is learning how to say no. Plus a bit of support to an always positive and lovely hod of a related department who was actually fed up and overwhelmed today and needed a good moan without judgement.

Have come home, broken fast with a big bowl of prawns, listened to ds having a breakdown because the hairdresser has cut his hair shorter than he'd like and he is now apparently hideous, told him he has to load the bloody dishwasher and am now in my bed under my electric throw posting on mn. Is it too early to go to sleep?

HillsBesideTheSea · 19/01/2022 21:20

So as we are half way through the month I think i am going to do a brief recap of the thinking points.

So far we have had:
Simple jobs are never actually simple and often made up of multiple steps,
Often we don't complete a task because there is something stopping progress
Self care vs self soothe - there is a difference, and it is important to be aware of.
Consistency is something that is built up and doesn't magically appear. A slip does not mean failure
There are many steps to building a successful schedule - knowing ourselves (eg limitations and energy patterns) helps
It is common to be bad at making a schedule - that could be because we misjudge how long a task takes, it could be because we are scared of failure, it could be we are trying to fit too much in too short a space. There are strategies to help.
Sometimes motivation is hard, and it helps to have tools to achieve a thing, even if motivation is lacking.
Do you celebrate your successes? Do you look at your still work in progress things for where they can be improved to become successes?
What do you do that is actively stopping you achieve things you want to achieve?
Whilst you can do anything, you cannot do everything!
There is a difference between busy work and productive work
It can be time effective to batch like tasks.

There has been a few other bits and bobs along the way.

Now the thinking behind these steps - we know that Flylady CAN work, we know that in theory it is a simple system especially if you take out the fluff and twee, BUT we also know that sometimes things don't run smooth.

The point i wanted to work on this month was getting us to look at how the system actually fitted into the real picture of our lifes. It is all good and well the system saying hoover on a monday, but when the floor is covered with in the middle of being sorted and organised paperwork - it aint going to happen. And for the love of god people don't open the damn window!
The system may say - look at all this stuff you can do in the morning but if you are a person that struggles in the morning, you may well be better doing it before you go to bed.
And if you have an aversion to schedules or find them hard - it doesn't matter how much you are told a schedule is - sometimes it is easier to avoid and ignore it but if you don't realise why you are doing it then you are probably going to struggle with habits and routines.

The thinking points have been specifically designed to get you to figure out the things that are unconsciously making following the fly system harder. There are no magic solutions, but sometimes figuring out why helps. yes i was that kid that took things apart to figure out how they worked

There are a few other things I wanted to bring up, but l will get back to you on them.

Thinking point for today: how have the thinking points helped/hindered you? Anything that we can add to this list of things to consider?

OP posts:
HillsBesideTheSea · 19/01/2022 22:06

I am afraid i have to agree with Fly our homes would be a damn sight tidier and cleaner without people and animals. Rant away lady the thread helps by listening.

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 20/01/2022 00:14

Good summary Hills - I never did get round to the one and done and ongoing lists. I still sort of feel like until the house is sorted once a routine and the fly order of jobs seems a bit alien personally. However I'm aware that it helps chip away so for instance I'll do another couple of decluttering slots in the bedroom tomorrow as well as dealing with other stuff.

I think even though I'm relatively poor I'd be willing, if the house got decluttered and not in CHAOS mode I would happily pay a cleaner to come in once a fortnight and deep clean kitchen and bathroom leaving me to just swish and swipe and keep on top of general tidiness in those rooms. I don't think I have it in me to find time and energy to clean tiles and grout and shower screens.

HillsBesideTheSea · 20/01/2022 00:21

Baby step: do a load of washing a day - from start to finish all steps but she has a delusional timescale cos it does not take 5 mins to get folded/ironed/put away etc, maybe we need to sent the fairy those schedule building videos?
launch pad
daily focus - errand day.

I did errand day today/yesterday. So will be anti-procrastination for me.

OP posts:
SingToTheSky · 20/01/2022 00:27

ta da
⛵️stripped Cagletini’s bed at 4am and cleaned her up after hearing a small voice say “mummy I accidentally had a accdident”
⛵️volunteer call and sent summary to supervisor
⛵️work
⛵️laundry
⛵️English and maths with DS (DH did reading and “Wiring Wednesday” where they take apart and rebuild old electronics! Love this!)
⛵️sorted blankets and towels (8 total leaving the house for a cat sanctuary!) and hung up the ones we are keeping
⛵️more work including phone calls I had procrastinated over
⛵️bit of maths, history and science revision with DD1 (who seems to have had a complete transformation of personality when it comes to school work - definitely not complaining!)

ta didn’t
❌job centre call, because I managed to forget about it and was on a work call 😳 all fine, rearranged for next week. Oops.

Ladyrattles · 20/01/2022 00:46

Hills wow that really resonated with me what you said. "Whilst you can do anything, you cannot do everything!" Such wise words there.

I think that's where I've gone wrong so far, trying to do too much all at once. I need to be more realistic but keep going, and celebrate the wins.

Since being here with you guys I've managed to get up, showered and dressed every day... even when I've not been feeling great. Just a few months ago I only got out of PJs if I was going out.

swallowedAfly · 20/01/2022 00:49

@HillsBesideTheSea

Baby step: do a load of washing a day - from start to finish all steps but she has a delusional timescale cos it does not take 5 mins to get folded/ironed/put away etc, maybe we need to sent the fairy those schedule building videos? launch pad daily focus - errand day.

I did errand day today/yesterday. So will be anti-procrastination for me.

I'm also assuming that she doesn't work outside the home. Many of the things she posts also make it clear she has a lot of rooms with exclusive purposes so they don't have 'other stuff' in them as standard. Eg. swishing and swiping the kitchen is trickier when the kitchen is also your utility room where all of that laundry from start to finish has to be done.

Every room in my house is multi purpose - it's a two up two down. With the best will and storage solutions in the world it's a challenge to keep things clutter free. Moan over.

Errand/anti procrastination day really should mean I get these returns packed up and delivered to the post office Blush

SingToTheSky · 20/01/2022 09:28

Morning! Quiet here this morning… is everyone busy being productive? I am most definitely not. I’m still in bed and I’m not planning to get dressed yet either.

po3.1
❗️Work - need to at least make a phone call
❗️Get DS doing some work
❗️Get the document folder out and see what ID I can use for student loan

merryhouse · 20/01/2022 09:31

I have a strong suspicion that Flylady assumes everything is going in the tumble-drier. When I was a student and using a td I didn't do any ironing at all, because it came out completely uncreased (also got rid of forgotten-tissue mess, how I miss it).

Can't help thinking that all the MN "oh I never iron" posters have one, too.

I have a towel wash, a darks wash and a whites (though mostly underwear and sheets which I ignore) wash waiting for me...

SingToTheSky · 20/01/2022 09:37

Just got downstairs to discover that DD1 is off AGAIN. I am totally at a loss as to how to move forward - even if she goes in later that’s still another two lessons she’s missed and she was keen to get in for art (lesson 1) this morning but that wasn’t enough to get her moving. We’ve agreed to wait and see if she does a bit better from next week - the pin is meant to be removed from her wrist tomorrow (just pulled out so not surgery) so that might reduce the anxiety about it getting knocked about at school etc. She’s getting dizzy too and I’m trying not to worry too much because she’s said that when she stands up for a while she feels faint… like me (I have postural tachycardia/hypotension).

The irony is though her MH is actually much better at the moment - happily getting on with revision and homework, really enjoying the lessons she does make it in for. Just seems happier in herself. She hasn’t missed all her dance classes as much as I thought she would either (and it’s not like we have ever forced her to do those - it’s really all her!) - at the moment she can only do ballroom as the rest isn’t safe for her wrist. So of course she has more time to just be and maybe that’s helping. But also much less exercise (including the walking to and from).

Argh.

HillsBesideTheSea · 20/01/2022 10:31

insomnia kicked my butt, and i have woken to a subluxation issue with a shoulder. Which is fucking painful.

ta da
swear and attempt to "pop" shoulder back, swear some more.
email school.
coffee and breakfast.
Take pain killers and apply heat treatment

to do
bath and up
pile stuff into car
take picnic lunch

Merry i find i have to iron stuff from the tumble dryer as it comes out awfully crumpled. Where as if i line dry it tends to hang out. mostly i just hate the repetitiveness of laundry

OP posts:
HillsBesideTheSea · 20/01/2022 10:34

sing kids are a worry.

OP posts:
ExtremelyDetermined · 20/01/2022 11:19

I rarely iron, not in winter anyway, as I live in slouchy tops and leggings/jeggings which all come off the line / TD fairly uncreased - I do tend to leave it all till the weekend but when it's done I don't leave it lying around, it gets folded and handed back to its owner pretty quickly with my own put away. I do iron summer dresses though. Have never ironed bedlinen or underwear. DH does his own. The DCs can but rarely bother - DD's school shirts are polycotton and don't really crease much and as she's always putting a jumper and/or blazer on over them they'd get re-creased anyway. This is our last year of school uniform, yay!

I agree that Flylady must live in a big American house with huge rooms and dedicated utility etc. We are in a 3-bed terrace which is cosy with 4 adults (effectively) but does have quite good storage. At least we only have one bathroom to keep clean.

HillsBesideTheSea · 20/01/2022 12:26

Who has the pointy stick? It is definitely needed today!

OP posts:
ExtremelyDetermined · 20/01/2022 13:13

Yes, I got off to an OK start but have slumped in the last couple of hours.

Tada!
Up and dressed
Dropped DD to station
Home for breakfast
Took DS to orthodontist and then to school
Stopped for a walk on the way home (school is 10 miles away cross country and its a beautiful day).
Home
Checked emails
Stuck washing on
Paid tax bill

Need a short to do list (PO3)

  • hang washing out
-do some photo sorting online -what's for dinner
SingToTheSky · 20/01/2022 13:27

No pointy stick here. All very blah. Did manage some drawing with DD1 though as she was set some work. She didn’t go in today and there is no point tomorrow because she has her appt and the hospital means long bus journeys etc.

po3.2
❗️Send emails re maths lesson and invoice
❗️Ring student loans people
❗️Maths at 2.30

ExtremelyDetermined · 20/01/2022 14:06

PO3 got derailed.

Washing - out
What's for dinner - macaroni cheese
Photos - not sorted

Opened the cupboard under the kitchen sink to put something in the recycling and discovered a water leak under there. Cleared cupboard, mopped up water and stuck dehumidifier in front of it. No obvious source so I have put newspaper down to see if any drips show up. Can't get the kickboard off, hoping water hasn't seeped under it (base of cupboard has holes for pipes).

SingToTheSky · 20/01/2022 15:48

Official line: “Yes, it would be great to chat about XYZ today, if by phone rather than zoom”

Translation: I am still in my pyjamas

SingToTheSky · 20/01/2022 16:01

Oh gawd ED hope the damage isn’t too bad :(

No power of three for me now - going to update my timesheet quickly and then do NOTHING for a bit

ExtremelyDetermined · 20/01/2022 16:08

Well, a bit more water seeped out but there doesn't seem to be any damage. Luckily the floor is concrete. We will leave the dehumidifier on overnight and probably phone the plumber tomorrow.

Distracted myself by sorting photos on the computer, I have stored thousands of them over the years and have decided this year is the year I get on top of sorting them and making some photo books - I have done a few in the past but have missed many years.

HillsBesideTheSea · 20/01/2022 18:42

Yikes, hope it is a simple, not expensive thing to fix.

ta da
sit on a hill and figure out how to deal with the next few weeks.
sort meeting with school
watch barn owl hunt on the moor
1 load of washing is on and will be hung up shortly

I need to go cook tea. I don't want to. And it is not like it is fancy tea, Bacon and egg in a part baked role...

Also before you declare your ears broken and full of tinitus - check what tech you have plugged in. I have just unplugged a dvd player and the tv and the tinitus that has been bugging has automatically stopped. Stupid buzzy technology

OP posts:
ExtremelyDetermined · 20/01/2022 18:50

Well, as the kitchen was only put in 6 months ago I hope the plumber will be reasonable about fixing it. No more seems to have dripped out this evening despite using the sink a bit but the dehumidifier might be evaporating it before we spot it. There's no damp or musty smell so I guess it hasn't gone on for too long.

Anyway, tada!

I have decluttered nearly all the DC's old craft stuff. A local church is hosting a craft things swap, so I'm going to donate some of it, have kept a few bits and a small binliner's worth has gone in the bin.

swallowedAfly · 20/01/2022 19:32

Evening. I was very tired today and didn't get much done other than the dw and some planning and stuff for work. Had online parents evening this evening which I've just finished and am in work tomorrow.

Meant to be going to Ikea with my friend on Saturday - Need a cube storage thing to replace latest collapsed chest of drawers and storage boxes etc to put into it which I've spent ages picking out. Also going to try a few drawer organisers inspired by Sort Your Life Out. Will then need to sort through the stuff in the collapsed drawers and try and scale down before getting ds to break down the drawers to gradually get rid of in the black bin. He is very good at destruction tasks and enjoys them no end.

Nearly the weekend thankfully.

SingToTheSky · 21/01/2022 00:44

ta da
📞work
📞home ed with DS
📞art with DD1
📞phoned Student Finance England
📞packed birth certificate for DH to send in town
📞1hr maths lesson
📞more work including a lovely phone call
📞took DS to tap class with friend (i.e. left the house!)

Currently have a small child’s foot in my face - Cagletini keeps waking up with a headache and leg pain again :( going to be a loooong night.

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