Should I worry if my Year 13 daughter does not want to go to university?

[Lightmayo]

My dd is in Year 13 at college. She works hard, on target for good grades and has said she doesn’t want to go to uni. She’s not sure what she’d study. But I worry about her missing out on the uni experience. 80% of her cohort are likely to go to uni following the figures college released on last year’s cohort. I worry she will be lonely as college with friends has been very very mixed and she’s not got a strong group and we live in a small town.

well she will accumulate far less debt for starters

I went to uni and ideally I’d love my sons to have the similar social experience however things have changed massively! Unless they are specifically committed to a career that needs it (law, medicine, engineering etc) I won’t be encouraging mine to go. I’d be either encouraging vocational study or just getting a job.

Fine not to go to university. Not fine to not have an alternative plan.

If she doesn't know what she'd study, does she know what else she'd like to do?

If this is just a case of not knowing what to do next, she could get the ball rolling by doing a career aptitude test like https://onetinterestprofiler.org/ and seeing what it suggests for her.

This. If the plan is that she has no plan and will behave like it’s the summer holidays and maybe continue with her Saturday job, she needs some steering from the adults in her life.

She sounds very sensible. No point going because she thinks ought to. It’s her life and her decision

I think apprenticeships are the way forward now anyway, the average Joe can’t afford to have all that debt and parents paying to top up loans. It’s sad!

My son is year 13 and doesn't want to go either. He would like to get an electrical engineering apprenticeship, however I do worry about how competitive opportunities like that are, there aren't many out there. In the interim I'm not sure how to advise him.

I have 2 kids that are very close in age -

1. DC3 didnt go to uni, is 22 and on £40k a year and buying his first home with a 30k amount saved
2. DC4 is 21 in his 3rd year, will have ££££ of debt, little chance of getting into his chosen field and is worried about his career choices. No chance on earth he will save up the nearly £30k his sibling has, and will probably be on min wage for a while after graduating

Uni is a complete waste of time in my experience (2 others went and only 1 is on a fairly decent wage in their 30s) an expensive dream that has been sold but reality is very different

Uni is no longer the useful thing it once was. Yes she might miss out on some socialising but honestly help her look at the alternatives rather pushing for huge debt and no job. I’m not anti if DS wanted to go I’d be fine but honestly I’m not massively encouraging it either.

No point in uni with no plan. Could end up with a shit ton of debt and no further forward.

i went to uni because of parental pressure. Told I’d have no future without a degree, i needed a degree for a good job etc.

i had no clue about uni or higher education. So I picked biology as I’d enjoyed that most at school.

no clue as to what I wanted to do though. Not even 10 years later and I happened to speak to someone at work and thought that’s what I want to do.

only problem? It needed a related degree- pharmacy for example. When I was 18 I hadn’t even registered pharmacy was a career, let alone how you got into it. Anyway doing the maths and I simply couldn’t afford 3 years off work, full time studying, second degree tuition fees, accommodation etc. so I was stuck. Had I not been pressured into that first degree I would be eligible for loans and not already carrying student debt.

so I would never advise uni unless they have a plan with it and it will mover their careers along.

I think going to uni when you don't really want to or don't know what you want to do, is worse than not going and not knowing what you want to do.

DC is Y13 and I just asked him a little while ago if he was sure he didn't want to go to uni. He is sure, and looking at gap year, apprenticeship, continuing with his part time job for a while.
I'm happy with that, he's 17, and not ready for a permanent commitment to adult life.
I am encouraging him to do as well as he can at school, and then he may find next year when his friends head off to new lives that he would like to as well.
The uni door is never closed completely (although it's going to shut soon for next September).

Edited because I read 13 and not year 13. It's not something you need to worry about. It's good that she's thinking about her own path.

If my child didn’t want to go to university, I would expect her to have an alternative plan. If that was a serious training path, I would support that plan financially. If it was simply work, I would expect her to be self sufficient. She needs to realize immediately what life is going to be like without further education or certifications.

Great point!
I've been reconciling my son's decision not to go, with the idea that he can always go later in his life if he decides to pursue a career that needs a specific degree - and this is a really great reason not to rush into a decision.
There just isn't a need to go straight from school and can actually be detrimental these days with the fees.

Even if you don't know what Year 13 is, did you not get a feel from it from reading the whole post?

There's no point racking up £50k of debt just for the 'uni experience'.

And going to university straight from school with no particular aim then excludes the possibility of attending in later life when you do have an aim and are very possibly interested in a subject that you didn't know existed when you were 18 - as @Yetanotherone12 experienced.

Ah yes..the university experience. Moving in with a psychopath or a bunch of bitches who systematically make your life hell. Or with some rank boys who expect you to do all the cleaning. Courses that you could have learned more on if you bought a “how two for dummies’. Over priced drinks just to fit in. Nightclubs where people don’t seem to actually dance anymore. Stress, exhaustion, tiny little showers that have drains that block every time. All to get a degree you will never use. Living the dream xD

Seriously, I wish I’d skipped uni. I also did college though and that was a lot more fun. Less pressure, tutors actually took an interest in individuals etc…

Honestly if I had a kid now, unless there was something very specific like being a vet or a lawyer that she wanted to do, I’d heavily discourage her from bothering with uni. It can be such a waste of time and money. And no, it isn’t always fun.

She works two jobs and one she could continue and possibly do a bit more with after she finishes school. She has enquired about teaching swim school there as well. Other than that, at the moment she doesn’t have any more of a plan. She’s keen to work and picks up extra shifts from one of her jobs.

I see so many people say uni was the best years of their lives and how they’ve made life long friends. My sister in law loved her time at uni and has been saying it’s such a great experience and she made friends for life. Plus I’ve been seeing lots of people’s kids go off to uni and it feels a bit like missing out.

I just worry a lot about her as she’s not had a core friendship group and with everyone likely to go to uni, she could find herself being lonely.

Very weird! You not her. Neither of my DC went to Uni and life has been fine for them (both in their 30s)

you do realise that people have perfectly acceptable lives without ‘the uni experience’?

@Lightmayo She should go if she’s just looking at basic wage job at home. However she’s needs to think about what course she should do and where as this determines future earnings. I assume she’s not friendly with people aiming high so she’s just bobbing along in her own bubble.

It’s nothing to do with a “uni experience”. You go to get a career you otherwise could not have got. It’s investing in your future and it’s not a conventional debt. Monthly repayments are entirely dependant on earnings. The whole loan is never paid back if earnings are low. Only well paid dc pay it off.

So, what A levels is she doing and has she done anything like a careers test - like the Morrisby one? What does she enjoy?

Regarding work - are there any apprenticeships going? Swimming teaching isn’t the same as teaching in a school, so has she considered teaching?

You’re being a bit ridiculous to be honest. None of my immediate family went to university as we are more ‘working’ entrepreneurial type of so have done well in different ways. If you class earning well and having successful businesses.

Maybe she will make a core friendship group at work?

@Rhubarbsoap Is this your dc or older family members? Years ago loads of jibs didn’t ask for a degree, and now they do. Plenty of jobs pay well enough (eg building trades) but often DDs find them not to their liking. So many office jobs are disappearing its a case of finding something where there’s work.

I think your daughter is sensible and just needs your support in whatever alternative she chooses. Encourage her to have a good plan.

The concern about loneliness is valid, less severe if at home not another place.

My DH’s mum/dad. (Family long time firm)
my mum/dad (have had a shop, rental
properties, plumbing)
my sister (PT for old people!, my brother (builder) . My other brother is employed.
My 2 brother-in laws. - groundwork’s

Looks a bit crazy written down! But me and DH have a rental company.

https://ifs.org.uk/news/average-graduate-can-expect-be-around-ps100k-better-over-their-lifetime-going-university?

Your family’s experience does not appear to reflect the general experience. it depends on what you study - economics and medicine graduates earn on average £400K more over their lifetime than they would have done if they had not gone to uni. For performing arts and philosophy graduates, the expectation is that their lifetime earnings will be £60k less.

From the above:

‘While money certainly is not the whole story, our latest estimates suggest that university pays off (financially) for most of those who go. This is true even when we account for the costs of doing a degree, and the extra taxes graduates are likely to pay over their lifetimes. But this does not mean that everyone who goes to university will be financially better off as a result: we estimate around a quarter of graduates – and 40% of men with low prior attainment – end up worse off than they otherwise would have been.’

My DS told us he didn't want to go to university. In his words 'I'd just be going for the experience and it's a lot of debt to get into just for some good parties'. He took a year out and got a part time job in retail while he applied for apprenticeships. He's now in Y2 of a (degree level) apprenticeship and thriving.

As long as your DD is doing something productive, absolutely she can succeed without going straight to uni. Well done her for not defaulting it when her heart isn't in it.