Should I worry if my Year 13 daughter does not want to go to university?

[Lightmayo]

My dd is in Year 13 at college. She works hard, on target for good grades and has said she doesn’t want to go to uni. She’s not sure what she’d study. But I worry about her missing out on the uni experience. 80% of her cohort are likely to go to uni following the figures college released on last year’s cohort. I worry she will be lonely as college with friends has been very very mixed and she’s not got a strong group and we live in a small town.

I have two siblings. All of us went to uni. We have five kids between us. Only one of those went to uni.

The one who did go hated her first year and actually changed courses and unis. Her flatmates were all party animals and she wasn't and was miserable.

As others have said your DD can go later. I actually think in some ways that can be better as she has had the chance to work for a living and more time to think what she wants to do.

I wouldn't stress about her not going now but, as others have said, the best thing is to try and help her find.out what she wants to do. Rushing off to uni just because she feels everyone else is going is not a good idea.

Bless her she sounds lovely. It’s not easy for them now to find their way.

She doesn't have to go to uni if she doesn't want to, she can always work/ travel for a few years then go if she does decide to go later on.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner, so far it’s the only thing she’s expressed an interest in. She doesn’t have any particular skills. She’s into sport and coaches and is good with young kids but doesn’t seem inclined to become a teacher.

She’s our eldest so it’s hard to know how much to get involved. She seems to be drifting a bit at the moment and I’m worried she’s beginning to burn out a bit. But she’s not one to open up and express how she feels.

@Lightmayo She probably needs better careers advice and she needs a route to get proper qualifications. Or it’s little more than a hobby. Why is she drifting? I know not everyone is career driven but earning little isn’t much fun either. How can she get accredited with sports organisations?

I’m not sure why she’s drifting. It feels like she’s a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Career guidance at school seemed limited to university and not much else.

It is never worth going to university and paying for it for the sake of it or "the experience" without a strong sense of direction behind you.

Why not take the pressure off, let her stay home and work full time for at least a year and save some money and figure out what she might want to do longer term. She can meet friends to go out with just as easily at work and at least she'll be making some money while she figures things out.

The last thing you want is for her to take the wrong degree and drop out or not do well or realise it was a mistake and a big waste of time and money.

Maybe she'd like to travel? If she works and saves for a year she could do that. Maybe she'd like to move out? If she works and saves hard for a few years she might be able to put a deposit on a place. Maybe she'll figure out a degree or career she'd like to do? A year or a few years of working and saving and living won't set her back at all and could allow her to grow up and see what full time work is like and with all the savings of living at home she could really get some money behind her.

@hamsterchump So in your view, anyone doing history, English, sociology, philosophy, MFLs, anthrapology, classics, politics, and many other traditional subjects are wasting their time if they don’t know exactly what career they want when they graduate? Vast numbers of students use uni to explore the options. They aren’t doing obviously vocational courses so should these courses close as they are only for wasters?

Of course the courses shouldn't close but yes I think anyone who takes on a degree with all the debt that entails now with absolutely no plan for how it will benefit them in the future is wasting a lot of time and money.

Of course education has value on its own but perhaps not many tens of thousands of economic value and there is nothing stopping someone from continuing study in their own time outside of a university setting or pursuing a degree slightly later or much later in life.

I think a lot of young people would benefit from a year or two out of study at the end of school to work full time and feel what that's like and save some money while hopefully being able to still live at home. This way they can have time to reflect on what the right course for them might be while earning some money rather than losing it hand over fist.

Of course for many this will still include non vocational subjects among many other life plans. I think a lot of uncertain and lost young people are harried into unsuitable degree courses that they don't make the most of and perhaps regret a little later.

Of course some are completely certain about their plans and more power to them but I think a greater percentage are not and should be counselled that waiting a little to make this decision while working and getting some money behind them is no bad thing at all and certainly shouldn't represent any kind of failure or disappointment, it's really very sensible to delay spending such a huge amount of money and time on something if you are not sure.

I think a lot of young people go on to university to do anything because it feels like the next step and the easier option than growing up and entering work which was fine when course were free but is not sensible now that they are not.

I actually received a maintenance grant and all my fees paid to go to university in 2005 as my parents had such a low income so I was paid to go at that time, it was a good deal then for the uncertain, I don't think it always is now sadly.

There is no rush to go this year.

@hamsterchump Work? Doing what exactly? You do know there’s more unemployment in the school leaver category than in grads don’t you? I’ve no idea what my dc could possibly have done around here. No bus and they would have needed a car or lifts. I don’t know a single dc who has worked for a couple of years. Mainly because they earn more with a degree than without one. They want to get started on the career they have decided upon. They don’t want to be 2 years older than everyone else.

The key isn’t waiting, it is planning their career asap after dc start at university. Getting relevant work experience and networking. Flipping burgers has limits. Degrees open up opportunities and just hanging around at home when all your friends have gone isn’t much fun. Money, if you can get it, helps parents out but I’m not sure it’s the best careers education. Universities do a much better job for the motivated.

You seem very angry with me for some reason, please calm down.

Have you not read OP's other posts? Her daughter already has a job and could increase her hours.

I've addressed several of your points in my previous post so I will refer you back there. I don't know why you're taking my opinion so personally, not everything is about you.

I’d only encourage my children to go to uni if they’re doing a specific degree that will land them a specific job. No point doing it just for the sake of it.
My parents wanted me to go, so I did. I didn’t really think through my degree and what jobs it could lead to. I just picked the subject I knew I could pass. My god I wish now I could do another degree now I’ve lived and experienced more and have a much much clearer view of what I’d like to do, but it’s way too late now. I view it as a waste of three years and a tonne of dept.

I would only encourage my child to do a degree if they are 100% sure that is the job they want.

I wouldn’t encourage them just to have the uni experince or to find themselves or to help them decide. It’s A LOT of money to just go to uni for the sake of it.

@2chocolateorangesWhat if they access the university careers service or attend milk round careers events and go for a job they never knew about or had considered? There must be many who think they need better info about jobs and how you get them? Careers advice is not always great at school and some dc have very limited knowledge regarding careers and how you go about getting a cv up to scratch.

Im not one who wishes to promote non vocational subjects in lower ranking universities, but there is a place for the ones I listed because the brightest and the best should still be doing those subjects. They will get a much better idea of where the degree can take them at university and a better chance of a job too. Certainly, for most, higher lifetime earnings.