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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

How long until you adjusted to DC being away at uni?

95 replies

Ineedcoffeenow · 09/09/2025 13:57

We dropped DD off to start university at the weekend. It’s proving harder to adjust than what I expected. I’m so proud and excited for her, but I miss her terribly, I’m aware that it could be worse—she’s only 1.5 hours away. We also have DD2 here so I don’t have an empty nest, but it’s still proving difficult to get used to her not being here. I miss our chats and doing silly things. How long did it take you to adjust to DC being away?

OP posts:
weejanie · 09/09/2025 14:39

Watching with interest as mine leaves this Saturday! I'm excited and nervous at the same time and hoping I don't embarrass her at drop off.

Exhausteddog · 09/09/2025 15:01

DD started last year. We dropped her and she was crying at the window as we left, it was awful. We all cried! The first week without her honestly felt like a month.
I'd say the first term was hard, but like you @Ineedcoffeenow she wasn't that far away and i had DS at home. I think the first time she came back after Christmas, and I dropped her at the station to go back and there were no tears, (from either of us!Blush) I felt like she had settled

...that's not to say I won't still feel a bit teary when she goes back this weekend, after being home for months! But this time will be so much easier knowing im leaving her with friends rather than strangers. She said she expects us to visit less frequently this term than last year (we went, or she came home, every 2 or 3 weeks) ....i dont know whether that's a subtle way of saying she doesnt us to, but that's fine.

Original poster
Ineedcoffeenow · 09/09/2025 15:07

@Exhausteddog many thanks. It absolutely feels like she’s been gone an age.

I forgot to say on the OP that she’s going to be back most Wednesdays for a few hours to have a driving lesson until her test at the end of October. I appreciate that things could be much harder. I went to uni in Newcastle with someone from Exeter and she really struggled with not being able to travel home for visits.

OP posts:
Sheeppig · 09/09/2025 19:43

I found it hard with DS1 and even harder with DS2- the Empty Nest Syndrome was real! Luckily they weren't too far away so we planned a visit half way through the first term. They also came home one weekend. The only thing that helped me was to keep really busy and try and make some new routines for me and DH that didn't involve the boys. It did get easier and having a much tidier house really helped...
But DS2 will be returning to Uni in a week or so and DS1 is studying in Taiwan for a year so I will be feeling pretty sad again for a few days. It's always an adjustment after the long summer holidays- they are just so much fun to have around.
I do remind myself that when I was at university I never rang home as there was always a queue for the payphone and I couldn't be bothered 😮whereas it is so easy to stay in touch these days.

Original poster
Ineedcoffeenow · 09/09/2025 19:55

@Sheeppig thank you. I remember only speaking to my mum once a week by queuing for the pay phone. The only way she had to contact me was by writing a letter. I hadn’t thought about how hard it must have been on her until now.

I'm sitting on my hands to not ring her! She’s rung every day so far, but I know today was busy as she met her classmates and lecturers today. Ive messaged her to ask how it went and will leave it there.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 09/09/2025 19:58

Sorry. This is an edit. I didnt realise it has a higher ed topic u til after I posted.

Mine never went to uni.
One left at 17.
The other at 20.
I cant say I had empty nest syndrome to be honest.

Noshadelamp · 09/09/2025 19:59

It was hard for a while. I really recommend arranging to see her after a few weeks/month, go and meet up with her and take her out for lunch.etc have a good catch up in person. Let her show you around the city. Go to superdrug and boots and stock up on all her things for her etc
I found this really helped end I managed a lot better once we established a bit of a regular catch-up.

JudyP · 09/09/2025 20:26

Missed him for about a month terribly and I called and texted daily for the first 2 weeks but could tell he was happy and forced myself to reach out less - I joined a gym after about a month and that helped as I was so lonely getting home from work hours before DH and no kids in the house and then just gradually got used to it - it helps so much if they are happy - our eldest wasn’t happy his first year and it made me so sad but luckily he’s fine now and youngest was happy after a week or 2 - so it was bad for one month and then low grade constant missing them after that but offset by the fact that they are enjoying themselves!

KimHwn · 09/09/2025 20:31

Thank you for posting this OP. Mine is off the weekend after next, and I feel like crying every time I allow myself to think about it. He'll be four hours away, so no quick visits possible either. He is so excited and I'm so glad he's on the path he's chosen, but bloody hell, I'm absolutely dreading it.

stretchworkwrigglerepeat · 09/09/2025 20:35

I cried randomly for the first couple of months. Missed my eldest terribly, also the house vibe changed. Didn’t see her until Christmas as she went abroad. She was home for summer. I sobbed when she left again but have adjusted quicker. Still miss her most days. Can’t visit without flight and hotel which makes it tricky. So proud of her though, for taking such a huge leap.

Youarenotseriouspeople · 09/09/2025 20:36

This was us last year. First term was really hard and going back after Xmas was also sad, but after that we all got used to it. She’s gone back now for second year and its totally fine - she’s settled and I’m enjoying the peace again 😊

MirandaWest · 09/09/2025 20:43

DS started two years ago and I found it very hard at first. I think still having DD here made it feel more weird. Was better when DD went last year.
DS is having a year studying abroad this year (he went two weeks ago) and I’ve found it better than when he first went,

Candlesandmatches · 09/09/2025 20:45

DC 1 left yesterday for 3rd year. DC 2 we go Thursday.
My tips are keep busy. It helps a lot.
We live in mainland Europe and both DC are studying the Uk. So I’m going to miss having them around. Plus it’s quite a journey and not really a visit at the weekend situation.
they may come back for reading week.
I will probably visit for a weekend in November or October. But let’s see. But yes I’m sad.

totalrocket · 09/09/2025 20:55

Cried Saturday to Monday: feeling much better today and no tears. 😬 So happy for my child, I’m the problem.

Dizzy82 · 09/09/2025 21:22

My son moved into Uni accommodation on Friday, I felt a bit guilty that I didn't cry. He has ASD and was like my shadow, it's very strange that I'm not getting interrupted when watching TV or going to the bathroom.

I'm visiting him on Thursday as I bought single bedding only to get to his room and it had a queen bed!

I'm planning on using my quiet time for sewing and reading.

Ilovemychocolate · 09/09/2025 21:42

Mine had a gap year first, travelling in Asia, and I was distraught for the first six weeks of her going.
so when she went to uni it didn’t feel like too much of a wrench!
Shes now in 2nd year of uni and I’m fine with it…they do get really long holidays which helps!
Also…without sounding trite…your dd will always be your baby, and ALWAYS need her mum x

Original poster
Ineedcoffeenow · 09/09/2025 22:28

DD just rang. She’s pissed off as the work has already started in freshers week. They were given a group project to do for Friday. I have to say that I agree with her! Freshers week is supposed to be about fun before the work starts.

OP posts:
Dizzy82 · 09/09/2025 22:40

That seems harsh, my son has a couple of intro sessions this week but no work. One is just a get to know each other with pizza.

Hillarious · 09/09/2025 22:47

Adjusted surprisingly quickly. DC all engaged with family WhatsApp groups, etc, so it felt like they were still around and part of ongoing family life. Really exciting to hear all their news.

BotterMon · 09/09/2025 22:48

Didn't need to adjust. She'd been travelling alone for 8 months before Uni which was far more worrying. She went to uni 5 hours away but it felt near after her being the other side of the world.

Working full time with lots of interests outside of work means no time to dwell.

Namechangedasouting987 · 09/09/2025 22:49

I really struggled when DS1 left. That was 3 years ago. It took me about a term to get used to it, but he wasn't happy which made it worse.
The next year DS2 went. He loved it after freshers week so it was easier.
Then I had 2 years of just me and DD, we spent a lot of time together as I was driving her and watching her play her sport 5 days a week.
She left a month ago to a uni which is a 10 hour flight away.
Not going to lie, it has been really tough. I miss her like mad. But she is happy and I am so proud of her. Slowly making a new routine for myself. I finally have my evenings back, so trying to find things to fill them. Nothing was going on over the summer, its better now clubs and activities have restarted. Started at a choir on Monday.
I think it is a longer process than people often expect.

Mutability · 09/09/2025 22:52

With our first, the weeks before were worse than the reality. I used to wake up in the night with my heart in my feet. But we were all fine once we were a week or so in. The fact he was immediately loving it made all the difference.

So when it was number 2’s time to go, we felt prepared and phlegmatic.

But it hit us both like a tonne of bricks. We were ridiculously sad for about a month.

JudyP · 10/09/2025 00:48

Mutability · 09/09/2025 22:52

With our first, the weeks before were worse than the reality. I used to wake up in the night with my heart in my feet. But we were all fine once we were a week or so in. The fact he was immediately loving it made all the difference.

So when it was number 2’s time to go, we felt prepared and phlegmatic.

But it hit us both like a tonne of bricks. We were ridiculously sad for about a month.

God - I had forgotten about the run up to leaving - I barely slept - kept waking up thinking ‘must remember about x’ then waking up worrying about them - it was weirdly better when they were there for that ‘dread’ feeling - but then I had the loneliness thing when they were gone- it was quite bad for a while now that I am thinking about it!

mumzof4x · 10/09/2025 01:49

About 15 seconds !!
We skipped out of campus and had a bottle of champagne that night !

DumpedByText · 10/09/2025 01:56

Watching this as my DD is going on Saturday and she'll be four hours away!

It's been just the two of us for 16 years and I don't know what I'll do without her.