Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

Original poster

Just want to vent, having a bad day

83 replies

Blipbip · 10/06/2015 18:54

5yo DS is the most argumentative child in the world! sometimes this is funny, like the time he argued that sausages have 4 corners, today it is not so funny.

Is it a thing that high IQ boys have enough confidence to fill half the universe? As far as he is concerned he knows everything from the temperature that I should have the hob at to boil water to the direction we need to drive in to get to Timbuktu.

He has spent the afternoon arguing that he cannot possibly walk another step home from school because the person who is controlling him (!) is pressing the wrong button. That we cannot have the aircon on in the car because it hums wrong. He has tried to take the coffee machine apart and argued with his Dbro over the shape of the table (hexagon v octagon) his Dbro is 15 and sadly lost the argument.

I have given in and let him veg in front of TV as I just cannot cope with one single more question. Argh

OP posts:
Heels99 · 10/06/2015 18:58

What makes you think he is gifted or has a high iq?
Could you reward him in some way for not arguing about everything, it sounds very tiresome and it's helpful for him to learn that he doesn't have to voice an opinion on every matter. Would a reward chart help?

Original poster
Blipbip · 10/06/2015 19:07

He has been assessed by his school for an IEP. He had read the instructions for the coffee machine he just wanted to check they were right.
Reward chart for what? He does chores if asked and always does his homework.

OP posts:
headdeskmoment · 10/06/2015 19:19

He sounds very wearing! I think your job as a mum is to teach him how to control his questioning. Can't you just tell him to be quiet for a bit?

Original poster
Blipbip · 10/06/2015 19:21

No I can't just tell him to be quiet. Some activities will keep him occupied for a while but like most 5yo he would rather play with someone me

OP posts:
headdeskmoment · 10/06/2015 19:26

I have an extremely clever child but I see my job is to teach her to fit in and how to behave around others. Even though she's enquiring and bright sometimes she's exhausting so I have no qualms in telling her just to sit quietly or go and do something quietly somewhere else. It's not fair on her sisters otherwise.

Original poster
Blipbip · 10/06/2015 19:37

I do encourage him to entertain himself and he loves magazine's and puzzles but when he is in his stride with questions its very hard to break it, he is single minded to say the least!
He is in the bath now and chatting away to himself, there is a lot of splashing! The only time he is still is when he is asleep thank god he sleeps 10 hours

OP posts:
getinthesea · 10/06/2015 19:38

He sounds a lot like my friend's son, who has nearly broken the spirits of a few teachers, never mind his mother. I have no good advice, but just sympathy.

Guitargirl · 10/06/2015 19:48

I also don't understand why you can't ask him to be quiet sometimes. 5 is not too young to be acquiring emotional intelligence and you could be encouraging that. Do you know what targets are on his IEP?

Original poster
Blipbip · 10/06/2015 20:47

I do ask him to be quiet sometimes, it doesn't work. He has endless energy and a gold star in persistence.
TV works as does the tablet but I do not want to lose my child to a screen. Plus he turns into an absolute monster if he is allowed anywhere near a tablet/phone/PC so I would prefer to deal with the arguments and questions.

OP posts:
lougle · 10/06/2015 21:18

IME this isn't a 'gifted boys' issue at all. Unless my 6 year old girl who seems insanely inquisitive but still can't read yet is in disguise....

You need to help him understand that there is a time, a place and a limit.

Heels99 · 10/06/2015 22:37

reward chart for not arguing constantly

PaulaJane37 · 10/06/2015 22:47

Hmmm my DS was similar but isn't "gifted", he's totally average just highly inquisitive, If it was getting wearing I asked him to write all his thoughts/questions down and we would look at them later as it was family time or whatever. and when it just got too much we went swimming/biking/exploring etc. now I'm grateful to have a kid who will perhaps watch a kids programme after tea and is either out on his bike or scooter or in the garden building something, he's 11 now.

Original poster
Blipbip · 10/06/2015 22:50

I tend to stay away from the idea of rewards and treats as he will indulge in haggling over what they are. He is an arch negotiator.
The point is that he will argue black is blue and up is down as long as it keeps me engaged, most days I realise this and manage to keep it positive and funny. Today I am tired.

OP posts:
PaulaJane37 · 10/06/2015 23:15

Blip, you sound like your doing a great job, don't beat yourself up. maybe try not rewarding him but disengaging him with something else would work Smile

lougle · 11/06/2015 06:47

Blip you are the parent and he is the child. He can only argue if there is someone to argue with. My DD3 is very similar, but I tell her 'I'm not discussing this. We've talked about it, now that's it.' It's a mechanism of control and you don't have to submit to it all the time.

Original poster
Blipbip · 11/06/2015 09:13

Lougle, I am the ruler of my family and most otge aspects of my life :) DH thinks its funny that one of the only people who can match me for tenacity and stubbornness is five years old Grin

OP posts:
WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 11/06/2015 09:20

You mention an IEP, are there concerns with Autism? My nephew is exactly the same as your DS and has just been diagnosed.

Original poster
Blipbip · 11/06/2015 10:26

No concerns have been overtly expressed but tgere has always been an unsaid vibe from HV and teachers.
I don't think he is autistic, just five years old and trying to make order and keep control of his life. The problem with being a very young reader is that he has no filter for what is important and what is not, he reads everything and applies equal priority to everything - except if it has the word "warning" on it- then he will lose sleep over it. This means that the coffee machine instructions are of equal importance as the sat nav, for example. As we get older we learn to filter what we read and pay attention to, he hasn't learnt this yet.

OP posts:
var123 · 11/06/2015 15:02

Both my sons are very able, but I never experienced anything like you describe, Blipbip.

It is true that being able to read early meant that they'd be slightly alarmed if I'd not parked where the sign told me to (for example). However, generally, they did not challenge and argue several points with me every day. They are now 11 and 13 and they still don't, I am relieved to say. I can imagine that it would get very wearying.

Like most children, they take great delight in finding that someone who should know better has spelled something wrong (on a menu or shop sign maybe) or miscalculated some sum. However, they often only whisper it to me after we are out of earshot.

Obviously, there are many flavours of children and the highly able ones are just as different from each other too. So, it is not that one is right and the other wrong. However, I don't think what you describe is a universal symptom of high ability.

(It reminds me of Karen in Outnumbered, actually. She repeatedly bests her family who gradually give up trying to win any argument with her. In the last series, she finally meets someone - her new headmistress - who gets the message through to her that not everyone finds this sort of behaviour delightful and it may be best to rein it in.)

Mistigri · 11/06/2015 16:13

I just tune them out if they are in the mood to argue black is white. (This is parenting 101 nothing to do with giftedness!).

Original poster
Blipbip · 11/06/2015 19:14

I don't really see it as a parenting fail that my DC are prepared to stand their ground. I waa endlessly told not to argue as a child and just felt constantly impotent and worthless.
I am prepared to listen to my DC if they have a point and prepared to laugh when they are being rediculous.
Yesterday I was just having a bad day and for some reason venting to the Internet always seems to help.

OP posts:
Iggly · 11/06/2015 19:18

Maybe teach him rules. E.g. wait your turn, think about how someone feels etc. So not about no arguing just boundaries

Heels99 · 12/06/2015 07:26

You need to teach them the difference between debating, which is a skill, and pointless arguing and being a 'smartarse' which is throughly tiresome as you have found and unlikely to make them very popular with teachers!

MythicalKings · 12/06/2015 07:36

It seems to be a behaviour issue rather than G&T. All 5 year olds can be smartarses if allowed to be.

var123 · 12/06/2015 09:20

Its not a parenting fail to have a child who is prepared to stand their ground. However, what you describe goes beyond that.

Your post would get more relevant replies in the parenting/ behaviour section because its got nothing to do with G&T.

FWIW, I think you are doing no one in your family any favours by letting him behave like this. A 5 year old trying to break apart a machine that runs on electricity - that's dangerous, not cute. And a 15 year old who doesn't know that a hexagon has six corners, and an octagon has 8 needs some support with his maths, not to be made to feel foolish by a 5 year old.