Just want to vent, having a bad day

[Blipbip]

5yo DS is the most argumentative child in the world! sometimes this is funny, like the time he argued that sausages have 4 corners, today it is not so funny.

Is it a thing that high IQ boys have enough confidence to fill half the universe? As far as he is concerned he knows everything from the temperature that I should have the hob at to boil water to the direction we need to drive in to get to Timbuktu.

He has spent the afternoon arguing that he cannot possibly walk another step home from school because the person who is controlling him (!) is pressing the wrong button. That we cannot have the aircon on in the car because it hums wrong. He has tried to take the coffee machine apart and argued with his Dbro over the shape of the table (hexagon v octagon) his Dbro is 15 and sadly lost the argument.

I have given in and let him veg in front of TV as I just cannot cope with one single more question. Argh

Should have added that as he has got older, I have been quite free in explaining to ds that the most successful people in life are not the cleverest but those who manage to combine emotional intelligence with intellect. I have also made it clear that arrogance is not an attractive personality trait!

You sound very wise Goosey.

Sorry, can I hijack, DS9 had been described as having high intelligence but low emotional intelligence and does struggle with emotions (anger mainly). He sees school counsellor. Are these signs of autism? He too relentless and fixated but three kids v close has resulted in muchis rivalry

Goosey I can relate somewhat to your post regarding my DS (he's now 7). No IQ test but, as mentioned, he was assessed for autism on the advice of the school. He also does not match the criteria for autism but his (many!) "quirks" have been attributed to his HLP.

I can particularly relate to the friends situation. He does (now) receive invites to parties/playdates but struggled massively initially. The language and turn of phrase he uses in everyday speech is more like that of an adult. Other children his age struggle to "get" him and vice versa. He's also a joy to have in the class according to teachers. Mainly, I think, because he's a stickler for doing things correctly and would be mortified being told off. Not a bad thing I know but I have gently encouraged him to ease up a bit, to ease his rigidity of thinking.

This is such an interesting thread. DS1 was very similar to OP's child at that age. And my natural reaction was just like OPs. I didn't quash him at all. Lots of people thought he was autistic. he wasn't. Like goosey's child he just had nothing in common with his peers, and now he is at a highly selective school, he fits in better.

But on reflection I wish I'd posted on a forum like this and had such stringent advice. I did neglect his emotional IQ, for want of a better phrase. I should have put a lot more effort into getting him to shut up, take his turn. He had few friends because he was way behind them in social skills and way ahead intellectually. It does no child any favours to be this way.

With hindsight I wish I'd paid far greater attention to his social skills. He was very polite and kind and shared toys etc, always had an eye out for people who were alone or new to school, but he talked at them and barraged them with questions and most people found that very hard to tolerate. Still do. He's maturing now but it took time.

That's a really good perspective silveracorn

I'm trying to do this with my DS (7) (sounds very much like yours!) The trouble I'm finding is that, on the social side, I find myself repeating and reminding him about his interaction. To the extent I'm sounding like a broken record. He also seems visibly upset that "he's forgot again" which leads to him berating himself and I really don't want that you know? It's like I'm crushing him. Yet I know it's going to help him in the long run. Such a dilemma

Shaky, you could use the trick of praising when he gets it right, rather than mentioning when he doesn't. 'I noticed you waited so patiently to take your turn today.' Or, 'I appreciate you giving me 20mins peace while I got dinner ready.'

I had a word with DS1 at new year because he is quite pushy. I asked him to try sometimes to be second not first. he's so naturally competitive that if you start to climb an escalator, he'll take the stairs and beat you. It's exhausting but also, not charming. He was very upset at what I'd said. Went quiet for days. I felt awful. But he has been less demanding and pushy. And it is pleasanter. Some life lessons are tough!

From about 7, I was completely up front with ds about what the issues were. I explained how people could see him and why and what we needed to do to change it. I won't say it has been easy nor that ds is the most popular child now at 12. However, he does have friends and listening to him play with them at the weekend, I thought we were probably going to be OK. He still forgets what he needs to do too sometimes, especially when he gets especially frustrated that people cannot see things, but at least he recognises where he goes wrong.

He is very self aware and the teachers at school all comment that although he can slip up at times, if they remind he what he needs to do, he takes it on board straight away.