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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

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Original poster

Just want to vent, having a bad day

83 replies

Blipbip · 10/06/2015 18:54

5yo DS is the most argumentative child in the world! sometimes this is funny, like the time he argued that sausages have 4 corners, today it is not so funny.

Is it a thing that high IQ boys have enough confidence to fill half the universe? As far as he is concerned he knows everything from the temperature that I should have the hob at to boil water to the direction we need to drive in to get to Timbuktu.

He has spent the afternoon arguing that he cannot possibly walk another step home from school because the person who is controlling him (!) is pressing the wrong button. That we cannot have the aircon on in the car because it hums wrong. He has tried to take the coffee machine apart and argued with his Dbro over the shape of the table (hexagon v octagon) his Dbro is 15 and sadly lost the argument.

I have given in and let him veg in front of TV as I just cannot cope with one single more question. Argh

OP posts:

CocktailQueen · 12/06/2015 09:25

Um, I don't think this is anything to do with G&T. I know plenty of veyr intelligent dc who can also listen, take turns, accept instruction and not try to break things apart. This sounds more like a behaviour problem.

Also, what you think is cute in a 5yo will not be cute in an 8yo, or a 10yo, 15yo.... I think you need to deal with this now.

How about reading something like www.amazon.co.uk/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children-ebook/dp/B00UEXFEHM/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1434097519&sr=8-3&keywords=1-2-3-+magic and using some of the ideas in there? I've found them to be helpful.

JassyRadlett · 12/06/2015 09:31

You need to teach them the difference between debating, which is a skill, and pointless arguing and being a 'smartarse' which is throughly tiresome as you have found and unlikely to make them very popular with teachers!

This. My brother (not gifted as a child) was the most stubborn and argumentative child in the world. It took a lot of training and help (and, frankly, family discipline when he was being an arse) for him to focus it into something productive.

He's a high flying litigator now. But he was horrible to live with for many years as he was indulged just a little too long.

Original poster

Blipbip · 12/06/2015 16:39

All this got me a little worried, maybe I have completely misjudged things? so I have spoken to his teacher this afternoon and asked how he is settling into school (it is a new school for him as we moved to a different end of the country in May).
She reported that he is settling in really well and seems to be very happy there. She was a little bit overwhelmed by him to start with but she has enjoyed the challenge of working out extension activities with him so that he learns alongside his classmates. I asked if she had any concerns about him and she responded that the only concern she has is some of his involuntary movements that he seems unaware of and unable to control (he does have a very strong internal dialogue/imagination and this seems to take him over sometimes). She says that he excels in every area at school from english and maths to PE, art and forest school. So I asked about behaviour towards her and his classmates to which she said that she has no concerns at all, she said that initially there was some argy bargy with a couple of the other boys as they worked out who is the alfa but this has settled down now and he plays well with his classmates. He is respectful to his teachers and classmates and not argumentative at all. The major focus of her teaching is for the class to play together and learn together which is as it should be in reception.
So basically what I have is a five year old alfa male with an IQ over 150, no wonder he is exasperating at times!
Thanks for all the advice, I have learned that DS's traits are not necessarily related to his G&T. I had not considered up to today that he is a little alfa character but it makes perfect sense in context of the rest of my family.

OP posts:

getinthesea · 12/06/2015 16:42

What he needs to learn is the trick of using those powers for good not evil

Heels99 · 12/06/2015 16:53

Why is he choosing to drive you mad arguing all day then? Because you let him!

Original poster

Blipbip · 12/06/2015 17:00

Its rare he drives me to distraction and usually only then because we are winding each other up. I imagine you never let your DC push your buttons Heels, well done.

getin he shows no evil traits so far- no spider has ever lost his legs at the hand of DS just insatiable curiosity.

OP posts:

Spydra · 12/06/2015 17:23

He needs to learn to entertain himself, and that you are not there purely to entertain him. That's a good skill for a 5 year old to train themselves in.

Footle · 12/06/2015 17:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ktkaye · 12/06/2015 17:41

I have this as a teacher all the time from lots of students of all different abilities. No adult has the time or energy to answer every question but I do offer to mine that they can ask one/ two/ three questions (whatever you have time for at that moment). It means that you do engage with the children but in a manageable way. They also learn quite quickly to think of which of their questions are important rather than giving you a stream of conscienceness. Also... If you haven't already, teach him alternative ways to find out answers i.e encyclopedias.

Shakey1500 · 12/06/2015 17:44

Are you serious about the IQ of 150?? Or was it a throwaway remark?

DS has "high learning potential" and bombards me with questions. My tactic has been "Go and find out then come back and tell me"

var123 · 12/06/2015 18:34

A 5 year old who can push your buttons??! I can easily imagine a 15 year old doing it, but a 5 year old?

Could you describe that a little, please? I just can't imagine it. Unless you mean something like he ignores your very firm rules about not sticking his fingers or a knife into electrical equipment? When I think of it, that would alarm me and annoy me in equal measure.

Heels99 · 12/06/2015 18:55

Op you did describe him As the most argumentative child in the world. Yes that absolutely would push my buttons! I would find it exhausting!

QuiteQuietly · 12/06/2015 19:22

We used to have the excessive questioning. But I realised for us it was a form of attention seeking so I found other ways for us to have 1 to 1 time and reduced my availability for relentless questioning. My first step was to limit random questioning to when I was sitting in a particular chair. Questions in other locations were answered with "Is this relevant to right now". We found an engaging hobby to do together (big Lego project, then an electronics kit). DS is a much more reasonable human being now.

teeththief · 12/06/2015 23:42

How exactly do you excel at forest school? And you were ok with the argey bargey because your 'little alfa (sic) male' apparently came out on top?

Original poster

Blipbip · 13/06/2015 15:01

Quite I love the idea of a relevant chair, I'll have to try that. We do play a lot of games like hangman and he loves word searches. He really isn't a difficult child he just has boundless energy and a mind that enjoys constant stimulation. I do realise that a lot of the questioning is attention seeking but simply telling him to shut up is not an option.

teeth if you are implying that DS is a bully you are very wrong. It is perfectly possible to be an alfa character and have empathy. The words 'argy bargy' were the teachers no mine and she seemed very happy with the way the boys are playing together in her class now. I don't know who came out 'on top' I didn't ask and I don't care.

OP posts:

var123 · 13/06/2015 15:10

Exactly, it was the teacher's words. They understate things, so you have to read between the lines.

Have you ever been asked to consider letting your son be tested for autism?

Shakey1500 · 13/06/2015 15:12

Has he been IQ tested?

Original poster

Blipbip · 13/06/2015 19:45

I asked the teacher directly if she had any cause for concern over any aspect of his behaviour and development and she said absolutely not.
He is not autistic, I have no desire to pathologise his behaviour with any sort of label.

OP posts:

PiqueABoo · 13/06/2015 20:19

Alfa?

var123 · 13/06/2015 20:22

I was wondering if the involuntary movements were stimming. Obviously not.

var123 · 13/06/2015 20:22

Alpha.

rogueantimatter · 13/06/2015 20:36

a five year old alfa male with an IQ over 150, no wonder he is exasperating at times

What is it about any of those features that would predispose someone to being exasperating? He is clearly 'alpha' in some ways but not in others! None of these attributes necessarily result in argumentativeness. IME aspergers often does though.

You can't excuse his argumentativeness on the grounds of being clever or male!

I used to tell DS that I needed until x time on the clock without any questions, usually straight after lunch.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 13/06/2015 20:46

you are going to have a lot of problems with him when he is older if you are categorising him as an 'alpha male' at age of five. Hes a little boy.

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 13/06/2015 21:10

It's not about labels, you have the same attitude as my DSis did towards her son, which has resulted in him not being diagnosed until his teens.

PiqueABoo · 13/06/2015 21:13

"Alpha."

Yes. Who do you think whizzy DD got all her best genes from damnit!

I questioned that because I thought it was quite a serious label much like @OYBBDK.

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