How do you get back to sleep when ‘bad’ thoughts creep in?!

[Redlocks30]

I’ve always been a pretty good sleeper until Menopause but it’s shocking at the moment.

I’m on HRT and seeing the GP next week to look a increasing the dose but I just wondered if there’s anything I can try a 3am when I wake up, my brain IMMEDIATELY pings into stress mode about (real) awful things-bad health issues, parent dying, financial planning.

Things that I can sort of deal with (or push out of my mind) during the day, but make me spiral in the middle of the night-proper palpitations, dread, fear etc I literally go from fast asleep to, ‘ooh, what was it you are currently stressed about-oooh, yes, there it is!)

I try thinking of other things-listing boys names starting with each letter of the alphabet etc but my mind just meanders back to the bad things! It’s nothing I can do anything about-crap situations that have to be dealt with, unfair situations I can’t change, unfortunate decisions that we have to live with but it is ruining me. I feel dreadful in the days-it’s giving me headaches and my eyes hurt.

What can I actually do? The horrible stuff is ongoing and won’t go away-I just wish I could be like a Jilly Cooper character from the 70s where you take a Mogadon tablet and the world goes black till you wake up! (I’m presuming they were probably not a perfect solution, anyway…!)

audio books, 100% turn my brain off

I listen to stories on the Nothing Much Happens website or podcast - they're specifically designed to help you get to sleep and I honestly can't recommend them enough. They're also free, which is even better. https://www.nothingmuchhappens.com/

Download the insight timer app, I listen to an all night sleep meditation thing, so if I wake in the night and my mind starts I just concentrate on the words. It’s called overnight sleep meditation for
deep and restful sleep by Chibs Okereke

Box breathing and reading on a kindle in dark mode. I drop off really quickly reading if it's not in a light room.

Do need to initially calm down though as I can't focus on the reading until I've calmed a little.

Apparently it's a neurological over sensitivity to a natural cortisol increase which happens to everyone in the early hours. That's why everyone wakes up around 3/4 not 12/1.

The box breathing is good for calming nervous system so deals with the actual problem, the reading is good for distracting thoughts.

I think about people, I wonder if anyone in my street is also awake, how many people in my town are awake, if my friends might be awake. I think about people working nights. I think about people in different time zones, how busy other parts of the world would be. I stay in bed, never turn the lights on, and I try and not look at the time because once you realise how long you’ve been awake for, it only adds stress.

I’ve always got a video playing on my iPad. Something I’m very familiar with and know word for word. If I wake up (often do as have insomnia) I focus on the programme until I drift off again.

I listen to cabin pressure or radio 4 comedy shows.

I’m susceptible to ASMR so I’d watch a bit of Maria folding towels, Dmitri in his crinkly shirt, Lords Electricals vacuum videos or Easy PC Repairs. These really soothe me. I don’t like tapping or pages turning, it’s all about the voice for me. It doesn’t work for everyone and you have to experiment to find what suits you.

I also imagine a bike ride that I love, starting with getting on my bike, then riding the ride. I think of the smells, the views, the feeling of the path or roads under the bike. A loved walk or stroll round a favourite museum works too. You just have to imagine every detail and really immerse yourself.

If all else fails I get up, make a cup of herbal tea and try and relax. Reading a children’s book like Swallows and Amazons is also soothing. You want something that occupies the mind without stressing yourself.

I put something on to listen to.
I can't fall asleep to music but can to the TV.
I wear comfortable headphones and put on a couple of episodes of something. I'm usually back to sleep almost immediately.
It works for me as distraction, I have them playing really quietly and have to concentrate to hear them.

Podcasts. Nothing with music, has to be the spoken word but not too stimulating. In our time is good.

Box breathing. Try to list 3-5 things you are grateful for.

i stumbled upon activating the Vegus nerve as a solution to this, by sticking out your tongue as far as it will possibly go and counting to at least 30, and breathing through your nose. Apparently it is more effective as a way to calm the mind than medication. I have no idea if this is true but when I do this, i chill the fuck out. I must look mental but who cares if it works. I also do this when I am stressed or panicking and works every time.

I also do the breath reset, breathe in through your nose for 1, out through mouth. Breathe in through nose for 4, then out through mouth, in again through nose for 7 and then out for 8. So basically 1,4,7 8 …..and it changes something in the brain and then I start yawning and start to feel tired again.

I try and be pro active and make a to do list in my phone around things that could help whatever i decide to worry about in the middle of the night. I find that helps the anxiety that i will forget my thoughts - if that makes sense.

I take promethazine and name 10 cities/countries beginning with a then b, then c and so on. I'm usually asleep by the time I get H/I. 3am anxiety sucks!!

Agatha Christie audiobooks for me , but only the ones read by Joan Hickson or Hugh Fraser , do it for me . That and rain from the sounds app on Alexa .

Radio 3 at night.

Theresa May autobiography on Audible used to send me off in minutes.

I listen to familiar audiobooks all night. If my mind really won't stop I go on my Shakti mat which really helps me to relax and get back to sleep. I don't know how it works, but it does!

I agree with listening to something factual is helpful, but make sure it's not toooo interesting or you won't fall asleep

I use a aurora light box and put soothing music on...or do something they say you shouldn't and put a film on that I've seen so many times I'm not actually bothered. That usually has me asleep.

That's a point, is there a free version for audio books, I don't want to pay a subscription for something that if it works I'll be asleep while its on! 😆

Sounds a bit odd but I put Judge Judy on the tv and fall asleep in no time! Also rain sounds or sleep music on Spotify also works for me x

Oh wow, thank you for all these replies! It’s so nice to know I’m not alone. I feel really alone in the middle of the night despite DH being right there :(

What I’m currently doing is expending huge levels of stress at 3am trying to push the dark thoughts away! I think I need to try and relax somehow without letting the thoughts in! I definitely take some of these suggestions onboard. I am going to try…

more exercise
podcasts (can I listen so it switches itself off?? I have Spotify)
less caffeine during the afternoons

Giving up caffeine completely stopped my middle of the night doom and gloom ruminating.

I've given up coffee and now have a cup of tea in the morning but no more caffeine after this. It has really helped. I also do a foot soak with Epsom salts if I feel a bit wired.