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<klaxon> grape sized lump... hurts to sit down...

641 replies

KatoPotato · 14/04/2014 16:28

Wahhhh...

I've had this lump on my labia for many years now, hard but painless.

Since a few days ago - I blame spin class - it's got really big, red and painful. It's the size of a large grape and is mostly hard. I've had mag sulph paste on it, germolene, hot baths, tentative squeezes... nothing - It's hard to dress too, thanks to the location.

I've had similar before, hence my mag sulph knowledge, but this just doesnt seem to be coming to a head, paracetamol and ibuprofen are not touching the pain.

Any ideas???

OP posts:
MoreSkyThanWeNeed · 16/04/2014 16:19

Yay - he's gone! Well done Kato.
From now on, all klaxons will be a disappointment compared to this.

FayeKorgasm · 16/04/2014 16:20

Given it's size your new name could be FanjoPotato

Or Kato'sBollox

Hope you are feeling better!

MorrisZapp · 16/04/2014 16:26

I love the NHS! What a great story with a happy ending.

Think I had three stitches when ds was born. I can pee forwards now, like a little boy.

Chinese tonight say I.

CakeExpectations · 16/04/2014 16:28

You are indeed our very own Queen of Sporn.

KatoPotato · 16/04/2014 16:32

The drip is out! And a cup of tea is on the way!

Dinner order coming soon... Boak

OP posts:
ShakeYourTailFeathers · 16/04/2014 16:32

Nana Mouskouri? Cheeky fecker, she's about 75 Shock

So glad your debollicling went well - i was watching yesterday and saw the pic today. You poor bugger.

KatoPotato · 16/04/2014 16:40

Bastard! I hoped she was a hottie!!!

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 16/04/2014 16:45

I've been told I look like Nana Miskouri once. The lady said it was my glasses and used to sing some song to me every time she saw me. I did google her and certainly hope I reminded her of her in her heyday. I was only in my mid 20s.

Sparklingbrook · 16/04/2014 16:46

She was very pretty in her youth....

<klaxon> grape sized lump... hurts to sit down...
KatoPotato · 16/04/2014 16:51

I do have my big specs on!

I am owed a new manicure, they made me take off my gel before surgery!

OP posts:
VelmaD · 16/04/2014 16:58

Jesus, how did you get gel stuff off quick?

Ah she was pretty younger. My boyfriend would fancy her for sure.

KatoPotato · 16/04/2014 17:04

Alcohol! And much scraping!

OP posts:
MissUumellmahaye · 16/04/2014 17:07

Nana looks very like Tina Fey in that pic!

BoreOfWhabylon · 16/04/2014 17:10

Here's Nana in her heyday, singing about Gymmy Grin

VelmaD · 16/04/2014 17:11

You definitely need a replacement manicure. And a shed load of wine once the anti biotics are done! And a nice big takeaway for dinner :-D

KatoPotato · 16/04/2014 17:17

Dinner. Refused.

<klaxon> grape sized lump... hurts to sit down...
OP posts:
LoveVintage · 16/04/2014 17:19

Jeez that photo is more traumatic to look at than the ones of dear departed Gym!

Sparklingbrook · 16/04/2014 17:19

What on earth is that meant to be Kato?

LoveVintage · 16/04/2014 17:19

In fact, it may well be Gym.

EasterSmegs · 16/04/2014 17:20

What IS that? Did you vomit on your plate?

KatoPotato · 16/04/2014 17:22

Haha! They've tipped my post op kidney dish onto my plate haven't they???

Its 'a wee bolognesy thingy'

Quote.

OP posts:
PersonOfInterest · 16/04/2014 17:24

Been thinking about your poor fanjo all day (which is a little strange I will acknowledge)

So glad its gone and you're on the road to recovery.

PastaandCheese · 16/04/2014 17:30

Glad it is over now. You are hard as nails kato

VelmaD · 16/04/2014 17:47

I do hope you've sent DH out for takeaway burger and chips.....

GlaikitFizzEgg · 16/04/2014 17:49

Kato, kudos! Glad your follicle bollicle is gonicile.

Shame about the lack of in theatre footage though, the NHS could make a fortune selling it! Obviously with identities preserved to protect the innocent!

For those saying sporn hasn't made classics before. It has. BagOfHolly's neck affectionately dubbed Cyst Fabregas!

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