I've just got really badly triggered. I feel worthless. Please help

[worriedhidinginplainsight]

Hi, please can someone talk. I feel extremely worthless. I very often think about ending my life because my existence is not contributing anything towards anything. Nothing to the country (I only take...I'm on benefits). Nothing to society. Nothing to my community. Nothing to friends or family. There is literally no reason for me to be here. I cost money to society because I have used various resources such as nhs, ambulance, police, council..... I have a support worker.

I'm passed the point of trying to enjoy life, what is the point of all this money being spent on me?

I know that I do have talents and skills, but we are so far away from me being able to use them, and I will never be able to repay what I have taken, from this country.

I would end it. I don't particularly want to continue this. I'm remaining alive because there are a few people who will be sad if I die.......

.....but they have proper fulfilled lives. I must remain alive to save them from some sadness.

You are definitely not worthless, as you have said, there are people who love and need you - but you are feeling very very low right now.
Do not worry about the resources you’re using as that is exactly why they are there ie to help people who are going through a difficult time and who need a helping hand. Use them and let them help you.
Take one step at a time - can you open up to those who love you and allow them to support you until you feel stronger?
Take care and be kind to yourself.

I don't have children. I wanted to have children, but I can't even get my head around having a relationship. So that ship has sailed for me (late 40s).

I have a cat. He was in a shelter and was due to be put to sleep, because nobody wanted him....he was too traumatised. So he was due to get his death injection. He was rescued by a charity, I agreed to foster him, and then I adopted him. I love him and I am glad he is getting a chance to live his life. He is a living creature with a personality and a soul.

I wish that I had children. I wish that I was a mother. I haven't been able to achieve that. I'm giving the cat all of the love that I would have given to a child

I’ve just seen that thread, OP it’s pretty hideous. It’s not what everyone thinks, only a small fraction of people on MN think this way. It’s easy for people to judge what they don’t understand.

Be kind to yourself, you are enough x

Everyone on this planet has worth including you. Your brain telling you to consider ending your life is actually saying you want things to be different from what they are right now.
please reach out to mental health services and be honest about how you’re feeling, you should get support to help make you feel different.
be kind to yourself and treat yourself how you would treat someone else in your situation, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t tell them they are worthless xx

also to add, the services you are using are in place for a reason - to be used - or they wouldn’t exist. You’re not the only person using them, drop the guilt x

OP you might not feel this way in a year’s time but you have to live that year first. You have done a wonderful thing saving your cat. The system is set up to support people when they need it. You sound like you need it. Would you grudge a bit of help to anyone else in your current position? You are so much more important than you realise x

Such a badly worded, tone deaf response. You realise you’re writing to a vulnerable, suicidal human being?

OP - your cat and your family love, value and need you. You are very important to them - those bonds are what life is all about at a very simple level. Speak to your support worker. Take care of yourself.

Bloody hell OP the services are there to be used. Please don't feel guilty about needing help.

You rescued a cat, that makes you very important in my view. You need help, help is there, use it and I hope 2025 is very kind to you.

Cuddle your cat OP. Animals are amazing. If you’re in the UK, it will be light soon and a new day - and a new year - is dawning. Things can get better. ❤️‍🩹

You're more than worthwhile to that cat. You're his everything.

Everyone is taking out of the country, don't worry about that. The budget will barely even notice you. Just keep doing what you do and snuggling the boy you saved.

@BlessedBeTheFruitCake thanks. I think I maybe got way too drawn into that thread, and then did start to take things extremely personally. It's hard not to, because I do experience quite a bit of stigma and discrimination on a regular basis, based on what people think are my life choices.

It's difficult. Why would somebody (me) who was always so resilient, determined, independent, and full of life, just suddenly go, uhhhh changed my mind, I want to be lazy, dependent and sleep a lot.

I shouldn't have taken it so personally, I should have just hidden it. But it has triggered my fears and reinforced the discrimination I experience every day.

The discrimination is shocking. I think that because I come from a professional, educated background, it stands out to me and affects me. I didnt know these attitudes existed until I arrived down here at the bottom of the pile. I'm disgusted and horrified because I can only imagine that some of my current (lovely) neighbours just take being treated like this as normal. It's a sad state of affairs.

But I feel especially bad and sad because before I couldn't cope anymore, I was a very respectable person. The worse I'm treated, the less likely that I will ever recover

All human beings are worthy and have an inherent and divine purpose OP, including you. Please give a charity a call and speak to someone who is trained to listen to you and advise you. You have the power to turn your life around at any moment. If you have any alcohol or drugs in the house get rid of them for your own safety. X

Not sure what thread you're referring to but are you able to do some sort of volunteering to help with your sense of self worth?

Thankyou for saving the cat! What’s his name?

save another one, find a little joy where you can, something nice to eat, a good tv series, a cat snuggle

olease use all the services you can, talk to everyone, get as much support as possible. You are worth it xxx

Thank you everyone for the support on this thread. We all matter. I am doing my best. Thank you especially to the person who pointed out that the help that I'm getting from my support service is a tiny drop in the ocean. Hopefully 2025 will be better. I'm so grateful and glad that understanding, open minded and empathetic people exist. MN can demonstrate some really terrible attitudes and can seem extremely harsh and hostile. I should not even have gotten into reading that thread. I have over the years, received a lot of kindness and understanding from people here, I'm really thankful for your comments tonight. They will keep me safe. Thank you xxxxx

Morning, OP. You might feel worthless, but somewhere in the north of England an old woman read your post and got out of bed, came downstairs and switched on the computer to make a reply!

Ten years ago I was in a similar situation, mentally, to where you are now. For a few years, my 'contribution to society' was lying in bed, curled up, feeling nothing but the weight of my misery.

It passed.

I read a lot of internet stuff, and one thing that impressed me was the idea that in this universe, nothing ever disappears. Even after we're gone, our atoms (or whatever) will still be around. For some reason, at this time, millions of atoms came together to form you. You are unique, the only you that exists, just like the rest of us. And that makes you precious.

As for the services you access - all those people need jobs, which they have because people need services. Don't feel bad about it - this time, it's your turn to need help. Someone said that to me, back then, and I'm passing it on to you.

Keep breathing. Enjoy looking after your cat. That's enough for now.

@StopStartStop 🥰🥰🥰 thank you, that means so much to me

I'm sitting with you.

I have just read the thread OP and can understand why you were upset with some of the comments. I think we live in a world where we expect everyone to be the same, do the same and sometimes forget we are all different.

Life can change in an instant and you never know what is going to happen in the future, how you are going to feel and how other people's comments are going to affect us.

We were unable to have children and sometimes people make the most crass comments, such as 'you would have made great parents'!! Most people don't mean anything horrible by it, just don't realise how much their throwaway comments can hurt - and there were lots of thoughtless comments on the thread.

Forget the thread and cuddle your cat.

I read the same thread and feel the same. I haven't even done anything as worthwhile and amazing as saving a cats life so no doubt they wish I had never been born.

I've been awake most of the night with this flu virus and was reading the thread you are referring to. There's some very ignorant people on MN who have no idea how quickly life can be turned upside down and someone's circumstances can change.

I'd rather have a million people like you than them, you showed compassion to your cat when everyone else gave up on him. Show yourself the same because you deserve it too.

Even if 2025 isn't better, don't stress about it. You've got yourself and boy cat through another year (come back and read this thread a year from now) I won't be making great waves next year so you're not alone. Sometimes survival has to be enough.

I hope things improve but if not, you're perfect as you are. Ignore the ridiculous comments on that thread, they don't get it. It's not their fault. I didn't get it until I was here either. Sometimes something so different to their norm is impossible to understand.

Have a good new year with your rescue cat

You've shown kindness to an animal that needed it, OP. That counts for a lot and says a lot about your worth.

You have people who love and care for you. They see your worth. Believe me when I say that staying here doesn't save them from a little sadness. It saves them from a lifetime of devastation and asking themselves 'what if?' As long as you are here, things can get better and there is hope.

Don't let a few people who lack life experience and understanding bring you down. You are worth a lot, and everything to that cat. Thank you for taking him on.