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I've just got really badly triggered. I feel worthless. Please help

36 replies

worriedhidinginplainsight · 31/12/2024 05:04

Hi, please can someone talk. I feel extremely worthless. I very often think about ending my life because my existence is not contributing anything towards anything. Nothing to the country (I only take...I'm on benefits). Nothing to society. Nothing to my community. Nothing to friends or family. There is literally no reason for me to be here. I cost money to society because I have used various resources such as nhs, ambulance, police, council..... I have a support worker.

I'm passed the point of trying to enjoy life, what is the point of all this money being spent on me?

I know that I do have talents and skills, but we are so far away from me being able to use them, and I will never be able to repay what I have taken, from this country.

I would end it. I don't particularly want to continue this. I'm remaining alive because there are a few people who will be sad if I die.......

OP posts:
Jifmicroliquid · 31/12/2024 07:09

The fact that you adopted a cat in need and love him like you do makes you the opposite of worthless in my eyes xx

Jenkibubble · 31/12/2024 07:19

You’re a cat mum - don’t underestimate the new life you provided for them x

As for ‘being a drain on society’ or however you put it , that’s rubbish And in the not op distant future I bet you will be able to contribute back in a positive way .
Have you considered volunteering if you’re up to it . I gain a lot from it ….
It could be with children , animals , in a shop or shelter
All the best

Soñando25 · 31/12/2024 09:50

OP you most definitely do matter, please believe it.
How wonderful that you've rescued your lovely cat, he needs you and always will.
You've said that you have people that care about you too.
This time of year is horrendous for anyone with MH problems - it will get better. Hang on in there X

BourbonsAreOverated · 31/12/2024 10:05

Op I could have written your post so totally understand. It’s one reason I struggled to reach out for help, as I felt there were more deserving.
I have though. After a particularly bad episode I ended up under the care of the crisis centre, they were the kindest warmest people I’ve ever met. I didn’t feel a burden. They were wonderful. They also said they looked forward to seeing me, for the first time in my life I felt valued.
im on a long long waiting list for long term support. But I am hopeful.

I write this with my rescue cat on my lap, he’s part of the reason I stick around. He’s a twat, but I know he needs me.

CCmumsnet · 31/12/2024 10:56

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health. You can also go to the Samaritans or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well. 💐

Mental Health Webguide | Mumsnet

A guide to information and services related to mental health support. Find reliable organisations and support services here.

https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health

WomenInConstruction · 31/12/2024 11:45

One internet thread is not 'us'.

Threads are centered on specific topics, topics attract people who feel they have something to say about that. By their nature that means they act like a prism, filtering out some voices, projecting others.

In reality you exist in a society which has over the course of it's long social history constructed mechanisms that act as a safety net when the going gets tough for individuals in that society.

This was hard won and fight for by all the countless people who went before and knew that misfortune is indiscriminate and the saying 'there but for the grace of God go I' applies.

Humans since time began understood that.

It's why in Gaelic (but also many other languages) there is a phrase that basically means 'there is no me without us' or 'the strength of me is in you'...

There are many versions of such phrases because actually we instinctively know that alone we can not get far and we all stumble at some point and if there are strong arms to catch you in the end we all succeed better. That's the umbrella view.
If you drill down into that there will be some individuals that uphold more than others because they have the gifts and can... But a scoreboard isn't needed because ultimately if that didn't happen we would all falter and fail collectively.

The trouble comes when people willfully abuse that system and seed resentment, which causes hardened feelings - but that's not you.

We are also very distant from lots of traditional misfortunes now, and some people have come to regard their security as a sign of their superiority forgetting that it often doesn't take much for the house of cards to crash down.
And the reason a lot of people are distant from that knowledge is because they live in a very stable society - by comparison to those where corruption is rife, health care is minimal or only for the rich, employment is exploitative etc etc
So feeling superior is in itself a privilege ironically.

Op, the questions to ask yourself are, have you done what you can? Have you sought what help you can and looked for a chance to improve your situation? Given the opportunity would you be kind to another? Are you caring for yourself in the true sense - offering yourself patience and healing so that when things change you are ready not beaten down from within?

Finally, give yourself until ten pm tonight to acknowledge and feel your distress at the window into some people's minds you viewed. Then draw a line and seek the others, find kind people and like minded people.

Stories of people helping animals, offering comfort, being a good human and reminds yourself that's your tribe.

Bearwithachoreshed876 · 31/12/2024 11:51

You are intrinsically valuable and you are so much more than your economic « worth ».

Also, we collectively can never know the full impact we have on others.

You may have impacted on someone very positively today op by starting this thread.

💐

ImpossiblyFragile · 31/12/2024 17:26

Sorry OP, I didn't see you other thread but have just stumbled across this one. Can I add that I know exactly how you feel so it may make you feel a little less alone? I too am in my forties, childless, without a partner and not working. I have struggled all my life with m/h and went from a good career to a breakdown and the last five years I have done nothing. You're akready one step ahead of me by reaching out for support. I've felt too ashamed to do so , so my new years resolution is to ask for help. Your post has given me courage. Hugs to you.

Ribenaberry12 · 31/12/2024 17:41

I bet the organisation you got your cat from would love some of your time volunteering. You’re clearly an intelligent and kind hearted person.

Echobelly · 31/12/2024 17:44

You are absolutely a person worthy of respect - those who judge you are not! Don't give in to the dark because of the worst people - live just to spite them if you want.

dabdab · 31/12/2024 17:57

An extract from 'Wild Geese' by Mary Oliver
"You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you about mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on."

This poem helps me, perhaps it will help you. The rest is beautiful as well.
Things can change, little by little. Who knows what the future will hold? Perhaps in a bit you will be one of those people in the services that help you and you will be helping someone else.

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