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Original poster

Feeling like i'm in a black hole again today

70 replies

nutcracker · 13/09/2006 08:40

Just want to walk out and leave them all to it.

I started college on monday (well went for induction) and that was great really enjoyed it and am looking forward to Monday when I start full time but I feel like my life is really out of control in every other way and I hate it.

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 13/09/2006 08:42

Nutty

I can't stop 15 minutes behind schedule, but if it helps Tired Emma was looking for you.

moondog · 13/09/2006 08:42

Well that is great news about college!
When you do something like that it widens your horizons.

Your children wont be so small and dependent for ever and you will be able to have the life you dream of.

Hang in there kiddo.

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/09/2006 08:49

Thanks LGJ

It's not the kids getting me down really although they are playing up abit lately.

I just feel like screaming at the top of my voice for about 3 hours lol.

OP posts:
moondog · 13/09/2006 08:52

As your college life gets going,the new friends and stimulation you find there will make the other bits of yur life more bearable.

Promise.

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/09/2006 08:54

Yeah I agree, i think collge will make me feel alot different to how i do now.

All i need is to get rid of P and i'll be sorted.

OP posts:
moondog · 13/09/2006 08:56

I'm sure you'll have the strength to do that in the future.
Remember,nothing stay the same (even if you want it to).
Lives move on very fast.

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/09/2006 09:00

It's just really hard to see that at the mo, but I know you are right.

Just feel permanently tired and stressed and jittery and keep snapping at everyone.

I know my problems are nothing compared to lots of others and I am incredibly lucky in lots of ways, but still feel crap.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 13/09/2006 09:03

Nutty,
Day by day! Hour by hour if need be.

Moony is right, college will change a lot about how you feel, give you focus, a new life, even.

Gradually, you will find, through college life, that you start getting other things under control.

It's motivating, b/c it forces you to work to deadlines and instead of dwelling on some things, you have to study.

Hang in there!!

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/09/2006 09:06

Yep thats all the reasons for me doing the course tbh, cos i know i'd feel alot worse if i was doing nothing.

I think i feel a bit panicy though because at the mo I need P to be here as I have no other childcare and I hate needing him for anything and would much rather be able to do evrything myself.

OP posts:
moondog · 13/09/2006 09:07

He serves a purpose for now.
I would have no problem using him.
This is a bloke who doesn't work to support you, right??

expatinscotland · 13/09/2006 09:08

Keep reminding yourself that it's NOT forever, nutty!

B/c it isn't.

It is now and take it day by day, but in the back of your mind, see the forest for the trees.

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/09/2006 09:10

Yep thats right, infact only the other day I asked him to apply for an evening job in a local store as we are really struggling again and he said no why should he.

I don't feel guilty for using him, not one little bit really, but I do hate the fact that I have to live with him.

He just acts like everyuthing is normal which annoys me sooooooooooooooooo much.

OP posts:
moondog · 13/09/2006 09:15

Can I ask why he doesn't work??
I just don't get that!
What does he do all day?
Did he work when you met him?

expatinscotland · 13/09/2006 09:16

Use him, use him, use him.

This, too, will pass.

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/09/2006 09:19

He was medically dismissed from his last job due to his problems with his back and kness. He does have the problems, I know cos I have to listen to him moaning, but imo he could still do some sort of job.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 13/09/2006 09:22

I have no problem using him, I just hate that it means he is still here, does that make sense ??

He acts like evrything is so normal, kisses me goodbye, tries to snuggle up to me in bed etc etc and I can't stand it.

OP posts:
moondog · 13/09/2006 09:23

Yes it makes sense.
He is a means to an end though.
College means less time spent with him doesn't it?

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/09/2006 09:25

Yeah, that was another reason for doing it LOL

He is sat right now, talking to me so normally, like I give a toss what he is saying and I really have to force myself to not tell him to shut the hell up and leave me alone.

OP posts:
moondog · 13/09/2006 09:32

Well of course he thinks it's great.
You are killing yourself and he lives the life of Riley!
How old are the kids?
Trying to work out when you can tell him to fuck off for once and for all.

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/09/2006 09:41

Kids are 8, 6 and 3.

The plan (in my head) was originally that I would go to college and then uni and then get rid when I got a job, but thats 4 years away and I can't cope with that so I changed the plan to just having him here whilst i did college (which is 1 year) and then getting rid when I started uni and Ds started school, but even that seems much to long. I feel ill now, so god knows how i'd feel in a year.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 13/09/2006 09:42

and if he asks me once more 'whats wrong' I will scream.

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 13/09/2006 09:45

I don't have any advice - but just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you & am sorry you feel down.

Original poster
nutcracker · 13/09/2006 09:46

Thanks Bugsy, it is such a relief to be able to come on here and say what I like cos I feel like I can't open my mouth at all in our house.

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 13/09/2006 10:30

Its good to have a vent - get it all out of your system on here & then you don't need to explode at home.
Glad college is looking good though, even though everything else is really pi$$ing you off, that is at least one good thing.