Homeschool or public school?

[OnMyJourney]

I am a mum to an almost 3 year old. She hasn’t gone to nursery and I don’t particularly love the idea of sending her to nursery or preschool. I understand they’re great ways to help kids develop and learn social skills but I hate the thought of sending my child with someone somewhere all day that I don’t know what’s going on, how she’s being treated by adults or other children, are her individual development needs being met or is she just another child in a group of children? I hated school, I don’t agree with the structure of the school curriculum, I feel like they try to turn kids into robots and make them into something they’re not interested in being. I know this may sound dramatic but at school I was bullied by teachers and other children, I was never a popular child I didn’t have many friends and when I did make a friend the soon seemed to disappear. I left school nearly 10 years ago and I don’t speak to anyone I know from school. My medical conditions were overlooked, my head of year and school nurse used to look at me like I’m insane when I talked about my PCOS and how it affected me. I had anxiety the whole way through year 10/11 because of social peer pressure, the stress of GCSE’s and the bullying that the school failed to address. I know this was my experience and my daughter might not have the same experience but how can I know that for sure. I don't like the curriculum I think they waste kids days teaching them about irrelevant things (not everything but some things are like come on for reallll?) I don’t like the fact they worry more about attendance than your child being sick, I hate that they can fine you for taking your kids out for a holiday (Where I work I can’t take holiday in half terms) I hate they feel like they can dictate what my child can or can’t eat, my dad is a Qualified nutritionist who solidly backs what I feed my child but a lot of schools say I wouldn’t be allowed to bring that as a pack lunch.

I understand to some people I may sound crazy or going off my experience which I guess to an extent I am… but I would hate to put my child through what I went through… but on the other hand I’m really worried about making my child miss out on things like making friends, I wouldn’t want her to grow up alone…

Thankfully my work does actually work around homeschooling and I really feel like that’s the right decision but I don’t want her to grow up resenting me for keeping her home, I want her to make friends, then comes the question of do you homeschool their entire school life or just until a certain point?

if anyone has faced this dilemma and has any advice, experiences etc I’d really appreciate it ❤️him

I think they waste kids days teaching them about irrelevant things

How do you know they are irrelevant? You don't know what your daughter might be interested in as she grows up, or what she might want to pursue as a career. What you think is irrelevant might be her lifelong passion.

I think that your post is all about what didn't work or won't work for you, but your daughter is a separate person. You need to wait and see what suits her.

I would have loved to be homeschooled. I hated school and I love working from home now.

My daughter loves school and homeschool would be hell for her- she gets on great with other children and likes being around people all day.

We’re looking to go down the home ed route with our child so this isn’t coming from a point of being against home ed, but your post is very much about you and not your child. Schools are not trying to make children into robots. You certainly sound like you had a traumatic time at school, but I think that’s informing your views too much, and it’s making a decision that you don’t want school rather than you want to home educate. What would home Ed look like to you? What meet-ups and events are in your area? School is available at any point for your child to join back in.

And the point about irrelevant things at school annoys me. A lot of things I learnt at school seem irrelevant in that I don’t use them day to day but the more children are exposed to, the more options they have, and having more knowledge and skills is always a good thing.

Let me just clear up a couple things

My experience of school was terrible, I get that she may have a complete different experience and yeah okay maybe she needs the opportunity to find out I wasn’t rejecting this point at all but if my child could be subjected to what I was why would I want to put her through that? If I keep her away from this I know it definitely won’t happen, if I put her in school it’s a 50/50 chance it could happen. This is just my opinion on this I get not everyone will feel how I feel about it.

Second of all, the irrelevant things maybe this was the incorrect way to phrase this, I find that some of the things taught are focused on too much when there are other things which seem more important, for example in my secondary school (I think year 8?) I had 2 days where we did 3 hours of history, whereas I think this is important why are we spending 6 hours a week and half the school day on it? This was pointless to me, I personally didn’t find it interesting and don’t use it now. I feel like if this was of a certain interest to a child then they should be able to pick up more classes/time if they wanted to. Yes I definitely feel like open up all subjects to children but is history as important as for example, learning how to cook, learning how to clean, learning maths, learning about religion and today’s society etc. I personally feel like subjects needs to be weighed out better this is what I meant by this.

As for what my home ed would look like, I don’t completely know, this is new to me, it’s an option I’m looking to explore… but I mean she’s only just going to be 3 so things like reading, writing, arts and crafts, cooking/baking, going swimming, doing nature trails, natural history museum, science museum, the discovery centres, learning about the world and people today, different cultures and so on. She has a parent at home 24/7 I work the night shift my partner works the day shift, so we can share it all and work together, she can help me make breakfast, then we can do some arts and crafts, focus on some language skills, go outside on a nature walk, daddy takes over and she helps make dinner, plays with some role play toys, read a book and go to bed. There’s lots of meet up’s with other homeschooled kids in our area, there’s clubs for them, obviously I would also look into a club like dance, a sport an art club etc for her to do too.

I’m not saying home education is definitely the route I will be going but for me it’s something I’m really interested in and would like to do.

is history as important as for example, learning how to cook, learning how to clean,

It's your job to teach your daughter to cook and clean, not the school's.

You may have found history pointless and uninteresting, but it's been my career. And it's vital to understanding the world we live in today. Do you know how our system of government evolved, or why there's a war in Ukraine, for example?

I home edcuate

but would I do it again?

it’s bloody horrifically hard work if I’m honest. It’s go go go

i work every day on stuff and they just come with me. Drs app. Tough. Hospital app. Tough. They had to learn to sit for hours quietly.

it’s just extremely hard work and not something to enter lightly. Instead of private school we pay for private tutors for the time and even with that help it’s hard work

OP, you seem to be conflating the school curriculum with basic life skills that should be taught at home.

Cooking, cleaning, riding a bike, swimming, basic manners, basic budgeting and house management, laundry, emotional regulation, toilet training, teeth brushing, etc. are all things that should be taught at home. In addition, trips to museums, nature trails, outdoor experiences etc. are also in the realm of parenting. Schools may do things like this too, but they are not central to the curriculum, and need to be done by parents.

Numeracy and literacy are the foundations of the curriculum. Do you think you’d be able to teach those? If so, then you could make homeschooling work. I know you seem to find history boring, I also did in school because I had a terrible teacher. However, it’s very important to understand history, and there are many excellent resources in order to do that.

With respect, it sounds like you had a negative school experience and it’s influencing your decision now. I recommend you speak to some primary school teachers, and also some homeschooling coops in your area.

I am a teacher who would not hesitate to pull my DC out if school and homeschool if necessary. Thankfully, we have excellent schools in our area, so I probably won’t need to do that.

Okay, scrap my original post…

If you homeschool your children… why?

From a lot of the responses to my post, it seems people think I’m basing my opinion purely on my own terrible school experiences. And yeah I guess that’s part of it, but I’ve also done research and seen other parents share similar concerns that I have.

But even if my experiences are influencing my decision, why does that make homeschooling a bad choice? Am I not capable of giving my daughter a good education myself?

I would teach my daughter literacy, maths, science, geography, history, practical life skills, and about the world around her. I want to take her to museums and discovery centres, focus on her individual needs and interests , and make sure she has opportunities to socialise and make friends

I’m not saying school is wrong for every child, or that homeschooling is easy. I’m simply exploring whether it’s the right choice for my daughter and our family

There's a war in Ukraine because Putin wants Ukraine, while Ukraine doesn't want to be part of Russia. Not sure how history, especially the history students learn in schools, comes in to play except as a post-hoc justification for Putin's invasion

If you want to scrap your post and make a new one, you should just make a new thread.

Home education can be fantastic but it’s also hard work so you’re right to put lots of thought into it. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing though, you could start her off at school and take her out if it doesn’t work out. Some schools are lovely, some aren’t. Same for home education - some families do it better than others.

I send my daughter to school and also teach her all the practical things at home. You need to be able to teach her to a high enough quality that she is able to pass exams like GCSEs as she will need those for her future. It will mean having a solid grasp of mathematical concepts, comprehension and inference etc in reading, grammatical devices in writing etc. You will need to be prepared.
I think the curriculum is too large now, but it does now include a lot of the practical things you talk about - things have moved on a lot.

When will you sleep?

First step: meet your local home ed community. Its not something done in isolation.

Why not try school and see how it goes OP? Your DD may enjoy it (lots of children do) and if she hates it you have the option of taking her out and home schooling her.

Do you take your child to toddler groups or other activities where she can meet and play with other children?

What does life look like now, a typical day?

If you think ‘public school’ means state school then you don’t sound well-informed enough to make the decision, never mind home educate.

Being very direct here I do not think the OP should be home educating in a million years.

But making out that only people with impeccable knowledge should or can home educate is both petty and wrong.

School might suit her.

6 hours of history a week in y8 does sound particularly unusual for a school, what sort of school did you go to?

Your post is all about you, and not about your daughter. Does she socialise now?

Can you teach your child to read? Do you have an understanding of systematic phonics and have you considered which resources you will use to teach this? What is your plan to develop fine and gross motor skills so that your child has the basic muscular strength to write and form letters correctly? How do you plan to teach letter formation? Some arts and crafts and trips to museums won’t do this.

Cooking and cleaning? Is that your ambition for your child? Teaching basic life skills is not the job of schools, it’s the job of parents.

It seems incredibly short sighted to discount school when you have no idea how your child will respond to school.

If you work the night shift and then look after your DD, when do you sleep?

I felt a bit like you, that we had this lovely bubble at home and DD was thriving having spent lots of time with me and DH. I read stuff about how much of the school day is learning and how much is 'wasted'. (I have since changed my view on this - it is learning wider skills e.g. waiting, coping with boredom, interaction and negotiation with others, learning people do things differently).

We decided to send DD to school nursery and it was definitely the right choice for her. She didn't always love going, as she wanted to stay at home with us, but once she got there she enjoyed it. Over the years she has learnt many things that I wouldn't necessarily have thought to teach her. She has made friends, been on trips, been to birthday parties. (I realise you can do trips and parties without school, but it is great having a ready-made peer group.)

She is older now, and DS is also at school. They are both thriving. At home, DS in particular can be resistant to doing things (anything involving writing, going out unless it's a super exciting place, getting dressed etc). I definitely think he benefits from the structure of school, where these things are non-negotiable.

School doesn't suit everyone and not all schools are right for all children. You clearly had a negative experience at school. I would consider sending your DD to nursery and then school, and being led by her.

Like the OP I hated school. DD, however, has absolutely loved it, she’s far more sociable than I ever was. She also loves all the subjects I especially hated ( eg PE!) so you really have to do what’s best for her not you. They are most certainly their own person.

You can do all that stuff at the weekend and parents should be.

I'm confused. Do you mean public school or state school OP? If you can afford public school then you surely are aware of the benefits it could bring.

You child needs to socialise with peers her own age. That includes now. You could take her to playgroups where you stay and play.

She doesn't necessarily need nursery as long as you teach her the skills needed to manage a day at school i.e. toilet, clothing, paying attention. But also playing nicely with other children.

I’m curious, why did you say public school in your thread title (which is an American term for schools provided by the government at no cost to parents) but then talk about GCSEs (which are British qualifications) in your post?

When British people talk about public schools we mean the most expensive of the independent schools (all public schools are private, but very few private schools are referred to as public).

Are you mixed British American? Or do you not know much about how the school system works so just used a phrase you’ve heard in films etc?

From personal experience:

We home educated for 18 months. We are both highly educated (Oxbridge and postgraduate degrees), we could afford all the educational trips and resources, and I was a stay at home mum at the time so no other commitments.

It was still horrific, really hard, and my kids didn’t learn much. I can be honest and say that it did not go well at all! Partly that’s because it turns out my kids have SEN, which I was not remotely trained or qualified to pick up on - I wasn’t used to seeing what other children of their age could do, so didn’t realise how much worse they were performing. Partly it’s because it turned out I’m not a very good teacher and couldn’t explain things in a way they understood.

They’re back in mainstream school now, and were easily a year behind when they rejoined school.