Homeschool or public school?

[OnMyJourney]

I am a mum to an almost 3 year old. She hasn’t gone to nursery and I don’t particularly love the idea of sending her to nursery or preschool. I understand they’re great ways to help kids develop and learn social skills but I hate the thought of sending my child with someone somewhere all day that I don’t know what’s going on, how she’s being treated by adults or other children, are her individual development needs being met or is she just another child in a group of children? I hated school, I don’t agree with the structure of the school curriculum, I feel like they try to turn kids into robots and make them into something they’re not interested in being. I know this may sound dramatic but at school I was bullied by teachers and other children, I was never a popular child I didn’t have many friends and when I did make a friend the soon seemed to disappear. I left school nearly 10 years ago and I don’t speak to anyone I know from school. My medical conditions were overlooked, my head of year and school nurse used to look at me like I’m insane when I talked about my PCOS and how it affected me. I had anxiety the whole way through year 10/11 because of social peer pressure, the stress of GCSE’s and the bullying that the school failed to address. I know this was my experience and my daughter might not have the same experience but how can I know that for sure. I don't like the curriculum I think they waste kids days teaching them about irrelevant things (not everything but some things are like come on for reallll?) I don’t like the fact they worry more about attendance than your child being sick, I hate that they can fine you for taking your kids out for a holiday (Where I work I can’t take holiday in half terms) I hate they feel like they can dictate what my child can or can’t eat, my dad is a Qualified nutritionist who solidly backs what I feed my child but a lot of schools say I wouldn’t be allowed to bring that as a pack lunch.

I understand to some people I may sound crazy or going off my experience which I guess to an extent I am… but I would hate to put my child through what I went through… but on the other hand I’m really worried about making my child miss out on things like making friends, I wouldn’t want her to grow up alone…

Thankfully my work does actually work around homeschooling and I really feel like that’s the right decision but I don’t want her to grow up resenting me for keeping her home, I want her to make friends, then comes the question of do you homeschool their entire school life or just until a certain point?

if anyone has faced this dilemma and has any advice, experiences etc I’d really appreciate it ❤️him

you don’t ever make a mistake?

gosh I wonder what it’s like to be perfect.

Fortunately the tutors we use are phenomenal

they don’t make mistakes or type fast and press the wrong letter very often but they are human and I never put someone down for that.

they also don’t judge or insult people which is absolutely what I want to teach my children.

everyone is different, everyone is beautiful, you never know what anyone else is going through and to make sure you’re always kind.

I actually work looking for missing children an adults in my spare time, like the child recently that went missing. Because of that the one thing I want to teach my children, well in fact any child is to be kind. Words can hurt.

your words can change an entire families lives.

as long as they’re happy and kind that’s all I want.

Yes, but we don't have to queue for a ride for eight hours every day! 😂 And yes, we can quit a boring job but children don't have this choice and often feel literally trapped in school. I'm not saying this as a fan of homeschooling, my DC were never home educated, even though it's fairly common among pre-vocational musicians and dancers as the training requires a lot of time and focused work.

It's good nothing bad happens at your DC's school :) I personally know parents who think nothing of their DC watching porn or smoking weed - they're all liberal middle class btw and their DC go to excellent state schools in MC areas.

@Ubertomusic as far as I know they are not screening porn at my kids' school..

But those opportunities involve having switched on comfortably off parents who both understand how important music is and can afford to pay for lessons, transport etc. - and can be arsed to support their children in that way.

I want music to be embedded in the daily curriculum for EVERY child, not those who are lucky enough to have caring parents with time and money. Every child should have musical opportunities as a right - there are children from very disadvantaged backgrounds who miss out completely - it is wrong in principle. Music is not just for the few - it is for every child.

But those opportunities involve having switched on comfortably off parents

The youth choir is open to all children locally regardless of background. We fund raise to support it so that children from deprived backgrounds aren't disadvantaged financially. The musical director used to teach at a school in a deprived area and wanted to start a choir that all local children could join.

Many people sponsor a child in the choir to pay for a full year of membership subscriptions, uniform costs, and local trips or events.

They are absolutely brilliant and came back from the world choir games this year as world champions, and are now ranked as the third best youth choir worldwide. They also perform every year at Edinburgh Festival.

Sounds wonderful.

But it is an add-on run by a charity and my point is that it should be central to the school curriculum for EVERY child. How does a child even know that your choir is something they might like to join if the concept is outwith their experience?

I have run community choir projects that were as inclusive as we could make them but absolutely recognised that indifference of parents and absence of transport and a million other things that are the lot of disadvantaged children stood in their way, however laudable our aims.

Every child in school should have the chance to learn a musical instrument FREE. Every child should have the chance to sing in school. Schools should ALL have choirs and orchestras and informal folk bands etc.

Above all OfSted needs to have music as a core curriculum subject upon which their judgments are based. And why is there a Sports Premium that the government pays per capita to schools and not a music premium or an arts premium? Because those dictating the curriculum are cultural peasants.

Children are missing out on something that could change their lives for the better in every way.

This has descended into a general homeschooling thread, making some great general points. However, in your specific situation it sounds like a huge mistake. It's all about avoidance rather than opportunity and all about you.

Even the fact you say it's 50:50 being bullied if she goes to school tells me you are not capable of teaching her maths and can't be objective.

I think it's actually better for kids to have some bad experiences, be supported and heard and see they can fix them than to hide from the world. Instead of thinking "I wish I hadn't gone to school," can you think carefully about what would have been the best way to handle the bullying, what would have empowered you?

By all means keep homeschooling as a solution for a problem, of it comes up, alongside dealing with it, moving school etc. but stop projecting onto your DC. People who miss out on things because their parents don't like them don't grow up thankfully, they grow up resentful.

Home schooled kids on unsupervised devices can access porn at 9 too.

They can but why would you leave them on unsupervised devices? You have control over your home, but there is no way you can control what other children will share with yours at school.

People that post "oh it doesn't happen at our school" are being naive, at best.

But at home schooled groups or extra-curricular activities couldn't home-schooled kids share inappropriate content? If homeschoolers do encourage peer socialisation it can happen. If kids independently mix with peers at school, activities or elsewhere, you can't control everything.
If you let kids go out into the world there are dangers, but a gradual letting go is what building independence is about. As parents we have to strike a balance of what is appropriate and build kids ability to tackle the difficult situations they will inevetably encounter (unless they live in s bubble forever).

I don't disagree with that, but irl we socialise both with home ed DC and those who go to school, and somehow - by pure coincidence of course - we never had a problem with homeschooled DC, whereas at school my DC was sexually harassed by another child and has seen all sorts of inappropriate or dangerous things 🤷‍♀️

Only here to discover whether the OP ever comes to understand what the term ‘Public School’ means in UK English!

(I have scrolled all through and don’t see anything from her on this.)

Ask any teacher, the vast majority of inappropriate material is shared outside school and not in, the internet controls are too strict in schools to share much beyond BBC bite size and Wikipedia! If a child ( or teacher!) happened to stray onto anything remotely inappropriate, and that includes shopping channels, it gets flashed up to the DSL straight away!

Schools now have to ban phone use in school. Sharing inappropriate content mainly happens outside school. Although obviously the ban is sometimes breached.
Home schooled children arent inherently less dangerous than schooled children - however home schooling enables you to curate and control your child's peer group to a greater extent. That may have advantages, but I think it also has disadvantages. We all make decisions in the context of our own family's situation.

Just LOL.

The ban is breached all the time.

It would be silly to say school children are inherently more dangerous 😂 And of course it's all about the ability to control the whole situation, not just the peer group.

People who miss out on things because their parents don't like them don't grow up thankfully, they grow up resentful

I'm going to bottle that.

I have a teen at a fairly typical comprehensive & whilst there is a depressing amount of inappropriate talk & sharing on journeys to and from school & in wider social situations her impression is that inappropriate phone use during school hours has really dropped (not been eradicated) since the ban and more stringent have been put in place. But it is just anecdotal and one kid's experience. As time goes on teens get better at their work arounds.
I think it is all about your personal risk/benefit analysis. Anyway, seems the OP has disappeared.

My DC's school is really strict about the phone ban. I don't think many kids are breaching it.

Surely any opportunities for children with phones to socialise without adults close by are potentially times things can be shared on phones. It’s not a school vs home Ed argument, it’s what some kids do. Closeting my children so much that they don’t get to mix with others in unstructured times (and therefore potentially see these things) is not something I’m prepared to do.

You don't have to make a decision yet, your DD is only 3.
Why not put her in a school nursery? Those are only three hours a day, so you'll still get loads of time with her, and she doesn't have to go every day if you don't want her to. If you put her in mornings, you can catch up on some sleep and be well-rested and have the energy to parent well in the afternoon.
The evidence on putting babies and toddlers in nurseries is really mixed (there are some mild benefits and some mild negatives, but most are gone by the time a child hits 7). But the evidence that nursery is a positive for 3-4-year-olds is really, really strong. It helps build confidence, social skills, early academic skills, it introduces them to art and books and all sort of opportunities you might not have the energy to do at home.
Seeing how your daughter responds to nursery would also give you some information about how she might feel about school. If she makes friends easily, loves goes in and thrives with all the interaction and learning, that's a sign she might have a better school experience than you. If she struggles socially, struggles leaving you and finds nursery overwhelming and stressful, that's a sign she may have some of the same issues you did.
I see HEFA - home education for all recommended a lot as a good source of information about home schooling fwiw. It's a big Facebook group. Good luck whatever you decide.