Homeschool or public school?

[OnMyJourney]

I am a mum to an almost 3 year old. She hasn’t gone to nursery and I don’t particularly love the idea of sending her to nursery or preschool. I understand they’re great ways to help kids develop and learn social skills but I hate the thought of sending my child with someone somewhere all day that I don’t know what’s going on, how she’s being treated by adults or other children, are her individual development needs being met or is she just another child in a group of children? I hated school, I don’t agree with the structure of the school curriculum, I feel like they try to turn kids into robots and make them into something they’re not interested in being. I know this may sound dramatic but at school I was bullied by teachers and other children, I was never a popular child I didn’t have many friends and when I did make a friend the soon seemed to disappear. I left school nearly 10 years ago and I don’t speak to anyone I know from school. My medical conditions were overlooked, my head of year and school nurse used to look at me like I’m insane when I talked about my PCOS and how it affected me. I had anxiety the whole way through year 10/11 because of social peer pressure, the stress of GCSE’s and the bullying that the school failed to address. I know this was my experience and my daughter might not have the same experience but how can I know that for sure. I don't like the curriculum I think they waste kids days teaching them about irrelevant things (not everything but some things are like come on for reallll?) I don’t like the fact they worry more about attendance than your child being sick, I hate that they can fine you for taking your kids out for a holiday (Where I work I can’t take holiday in half terms) I hate they feel like they can dictate what my child can or can’t eat, my dad is a Qualified nutritionist who solidly backs what I feed my child but a lot of schools say I wouldn’t be allowed to bring that as a pack lunch.

I understand to some people I may sound crazy or going off my experience which I guess to an extent I am… but I would hate to put my child through what I went through… but on the other hand I’m really worried about making my child miss out on things like making friends, I wouldn’t want her to grow up alone…

Thankfully my work does actually work around homeschooling and I really feel like that’s the right decision but I don’t want her to grow up resenting me for keeping her home, I want her to make friends, then comes the question of do you homeschool their entire school life or just until a certain point?

if anyone has faced this dilemma and has any advice, experiences etc I’d really appreciate it ❤️him

History is extremely important, much more important than learning how to clean which anyone can pick up without being taught it at school
If we don't understand history, why things have happened and how we have got to where we are now how can we understand society as it is now and how to make it better? And avoid the mistakes of the past?
Honestly I think your child would be much better at school as you seen to have a very insular attitude. Also school is also about learning how to get one with people even people we might not like and how to socialise and make friends. Why not send her to preschool for a couple of mornings a week and see how she gets on. She might love it. Your experience might not be hers

OP said DC is almost 3, that would be only 1 to 2 years at school before the tax is removed as well as burseries becoming possible again. If op can find the right school, it’s a good half way house to allay her concerns. I’d encourage a pre school maybe 1 day a week that feeds into a suitable school as soon as possible, you are not actually taxed on education until they are 5.

OMG I know how to do that too, I don't remember being taught it, but I must have

"It seems incredibly short sighted to discount school when you have no idea how your child will respond to school."

Likewise, it seems incredibly short-sided to discount home education when you have no idea how your child will respond to home education.

They are both valid methods of a child being taught.

OP, your child is three and so you really don't need to worry about this for another two years when they reach compulsory school age.

I would carry on as you are for now with her at home with you and as you approach age five I would connect with your local home education community and go to groups and see what there is locally and how it would work for you.

I home educate my 12 year old who I took out of school just under four years ago and it is much better for him. I think in the primary years it's really quite easy to cover everything that they would be covering at school but if you plan to home educate beyond that, and of course you don't need to make that decision until you reach that time, you do need to be more mindful of getting them ready for exams* and thinking about what they want to do ultimately.

My son wants to do what he's going to be quite a challenging degree at university so I need to make sure that he has enough GCSE at high grades so that he can go to college to do a levels.

Your child is so young that you really don't need to think too far ahead at the moment and just enjoy time with them and teaching them through play which is exactly what they would do at nursery and make sure there are opportunities to socialise with people beyond the family of all ages.

*I know there is no legal requirement to do exams and that many families do not do exams, but I'm assuming that most people will want to and it certainly is something to be considered when thinking about home educating.

You do talk about such a load of nonsense.

a) it’s not an education tax it’s VAT
b) there’s no way any government will remove it and certainly not in the next 3 years with Labour having the rebound they’re having

Certainly in this town/area it is a pretty standard timetable. My daughter is not at the same school, her timetable is very similar. Their friends are at different schools, again very similar. None of these are private schools and they all have to meet the curriculum. If timetabling is a concern you can ask about it when you view the school.

a) What does the T stand for?
b) Everybody bar SNP and Labour has stated they’ll remove it. If Labour win again it’s under a mandate to rejoin to the EU where it is illegal.

I think it’s a viable option for the OP, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing in terms of education. There are lots of options still out there, admittedly fewer at the moment,

I home educated my kids because of their disabilities and the poor resourcing of local primary schools.

They've all gone to school since, one now works in schools.

All education options have their risks and benefits. It will vary by child. IME, it gets riskier the older the child get. Home educating a 5 year old has less risks than a 15 year old. Doesn't mean there isn't a good reason to do so for an individual child, but it's something to acknowledge. There are some situations where there are no great options, only making the best of a bad situation.

But even if my experiences are influencing my decision, why does that make homeschooling a bad choice? Am I not capable of giving my daughter a good education myself?

IME, the parents I knew who home educated because they hated their own school experiences were very resistant to doing anything that reminded them of school - scoffing at using worksheets or a formal curriculum - they crumpled easily with their kids pushback because they didn't want to be one of those mean authority figures, they relied on online options a lot in part so they could keep up the 'we're not like schools' image (ignoring most schools use them these days), and they struggled with helping their child with post-education options. I know more than one who got angry that colleges require English and maths because why would their kids need that. They had this lifestyle they wanted and nothing beyond that.

They were great with the fun stuff - the baking, the nature walks, the trips - but getting them to learn outside of their interests? Pushing back that discomfort of being bad at something, which is needed for a good education? Not so much.

And, just like with school, you can't guarantee they'll make friends. You can put in the effort to ensure they have the opportunities, but you can't make sure that happens. Bullying happens in home education groups - and the worst bullying parents I knew were the ones who home educated because they hated school, who went on about how terrible all schools are because they had a bad experience. Their entire home education identity was around how bad schools are and anyone who did anything remotely school like - or shock horror had a child go to school - was an enemy. And they taught their kids to act the same - it's their way or no way.

Really, as adults, part of our job is to deal with our bad experiences so it's not on our kids.

We attended a preschool, ages 3-5, group last week and the others were snatching toys and crafts and food and acting ferral.

Teaching manners is the parents' job.

I home educate. I do it because I really wanted to. My personal opinion is that you do really need to want to do it, because it is really hard work sometimes! I would say if you want to get a feel for it you could totally start now. My kids could all read well at age 3. Most areas have Facebook groups for 5 and unders, so you could start going now and get meeting others who will be in the same boat.

And no music ... it is so sad!
The evidence for the positive effects of music as central to the curriculum is massive: academic, behavioural, social, self confidence ..
A good reason to home ed!!

We don't know if OP is in your town/area 🤷‍♀️
Not all schools even have three separate sciences.
DS was in state school in London and didn't have drama or product design but had more maths and science. There is nothing universal in the UK state education system so you cannot really say if OP is wrong about time allocated to subjects.

I'm just using this example to show that school fails to teach even basic skills of forming inference based on facts (assuming you went to school yourself).

It could be a 2 week timetable with music in the other week.

Sorry but this is wildly optimistic. I worked in private school admissions, and am now on the governing council for my kids’ private school. I don’t know of any private primary schools that are still able to offer bursaries, they are only happening at secondary schools.

Even then they are rare these days, at my school we are using the whole bursary budget to help children complete their education when their parents are no longer able to cover the fees but the kid is at a difficult time to move.

Another name change?

Music can be easily sourced as an extra curricular subject.
Our local town has the best youth choir in the UK. There are also loads of other musical opportunities.

If you were in England (you mentioned GCSEs), then it's very unlikely that you did six hours a week of history all year - the National Curriculum indicated rough percentages of the curriculum for each subject.
I wonder if your school either had "integrated humanities", with history, geography and RE taught as one timetable subject, or a rotation around those subjects - I taught in one school where they had "humanities" on the timetable, but they spent a term or so on geography, a term or so on history and the remainder on RE (swapping teachers when they changed subject). That could account for doing 6 hours a week for part of the year.

You have very strong feelings on this topic.
Have you ever addressed them in therapy?

I think you need to mentally separate yourself from your child, and therapy can help with that too.

There's no need for nursery or even preschool, but as children grow, they need the company of their peers.

You can always spend home time teaching your child all the interesting and relevant stuff you'd like to see her experience, and share your interests with her. But don't deny her the chance to negotiate the social world of school because you think she'd have the same miserable experience that you had. Resilience and social skills are extremely important.

I forgot the music! He does have music. Again I think it is on the curriculum, they have to do it

I am certain that the vast majority of schools in this country do no more than 2 hours history per week. Look it up if you think that is wrong.

See @lanthanum post above.

Try school and see, would be my advice.

Don't underestimate the huge long-term effort and time required from a homeschooling parent. You're basically making a 12-14 year contract with your child, but they may want to break it at any time and it won't necessarily be possible to do that.

If you're willing and able to put in the extracurricular activities as well, then your child may well have a very happy childhood and be well-educated and balanced with none of the awful problems created by some other people's terrible parenting.

I can be bored and busy at the same time. My work is often boring. I like most of my job, but some of the admin tasks required bore me to tears. My kids are wonderful and I love them dearly, but parts of parenting can be very dull e.g. some of the games they want to play with you as a toddler or sitting helping them with homework when they are struggling.

I get what you mean but my experience is different. My work can be monotonous but I can listen to lectures while doing it. There is absolutely no way I could do that at school, I just had to sit there extremely, unbearably bored while the teacher tried to explain things I could do at 3 to a class of 25 pupils including those with undiagnosed cognitive challenges.
I never ever had to work in such a debilitating environment so that experience was never useful in real life.
Do you think getting exposed to knives, pornography and drugs at school is useful too? In a way, this is part of real life but do we really want children know all this as early as possible? Porn is now being watched by kids as young as 9.

I hear you on the debilitating boredom. I did experience that in Maths classes at school. I still experience that feeling at work at some points. I do take your point that we have more control at work e.g. I can leave a task and come back to it later or I could look for a new job. My kids have both moaned Maths is boring at points, but they have also moaned e.g. that they are bored queuing for a ride at a theme park, and they just have to get on with both.

Obviously I don't think being exposed to knives, pornography and drugs is a good thing?! I can also assure you it's thankfully far less a part of daily life for me or my primary age children than being bored is!