Anyone else find school sports day traumatic?

[Wishiwasonholiday11]

Just had school sports day. All quite nicely done with a range of events etc. Son in year 2 not particularly sporty, tries really hard, but just can’t run fast enough. He’s holding it together and putting a brave face on, but can tell (from the other side if the field) he’s upset.

Not helped by medal winning children (same ones winning most events!) flaunting medals.

I know it’s life, can’t be good at everything, need to celebrate successes and good for building resilience etc etc but just finding it hard to watch!

My daughter is in year 2 and was worrying yesterday about not being good enough and letting her team down. It's her sports day tomorrow and I really hope it goes well and gives her confidence. It's her first one too since covid meant no sports day in reception or year 1.

Oh that’s so sad. I understand OP. We feel everything out kids’ feel. Ugh.
DS had sports day a couple of weeks ago, it was all team stuff so not as much pressure. He’s year 2 too. He is very sporty but came home devastated that his house came 4th out of 4! Quick hug and don’t dwell. C’est la vie. Builds resilience!

I Understand where you are coming from but children need to see this side of life too. As PP says builds resilience, and really, no real harm done.

I just found it utterly boring. Both as a child and as a parent. My child also found it boring. Personally I think most of the teachers and TAs find it boring too.
So much sitting around (usually in the hot sun) waiting for something to happen.
When I was at primary school we also had the local rounders tournament between schools (my school hosted it). Also very boring.
One year I managed to get out of it by volunteering to wash all the paint pots in our classroom 🤣

I'm always torn re sports day. For some kids it's the only thing they love, a day to celebrate their strengths. For others it's a horrible day when they struggle with the events.
However, some kids struggle with maths and English on a daily basis at school and are just expected to get in with it, watching those who find it easy excel. So it only seems fair to give sporty children the same opportunity to shine.
Sports days can work, but I often think the schools can't win- always parents complaining about being too competitive/ not competitive enough. I've yet to see a sports day format that both kids and parents were happy with, that didn't cause upset somewhere, for some reason.

As a child I found it humiliating as I am completely shit at any type of sport. As a parent I find it boring.

The thing is, kids who aren't strong in maths/English etc don't have to perform them in front of all the parents and the rest of the school, and be ranked by how well they do. Equally, a bad singer won't have to get up and perform a solo in assembly.

I've always wondered why sports are any different - why should a child who's not sporty still have to take part in everything? Yes, it's good to learn that you can't be best at everything, but in my experience it was often the bright kids who were also good at sports.

I feel that Sports Day should involve some team games, some sports that aren't everyone against each other at the same time (eg a bean bag toss where everyone goes one at a time so it's not obvious who's coming last), some races that don't need you to be athletic (eg things like walking backwards, wheelbarrow race etc) and the usual athletic races. I've seen some schools doing fab sports days, but others seem to be stuck in the "running races" mindset.

I’ve always hated sports days. I think they’re a terrible idea. I know people always wheel out the ‘oh but the kids who struggle with English can shine’ but unless they invite all the parents to a mandatory spelling contest for every child where you’re expected to try and spell words despite not having a clue in front of everyone you know then they’re not compatible.

Plus there’s some kids who don’t shine in either. They’re not athletic and struggle in academics. So they get to struggle daily in class plus publically once a year. I used to beg to stay off every single year. It was brutal.

Wait until they get older and the school only want the A team for sports. Everyone else is

yes it’s rubbish

I think sports days should try to be as kind and inclusive as possible (team events, silly races, that sort of thing). But as a pp has pointed out sports is the only thing in school that my ds really loved and excels at, and it's a shame for him that all competitive element of sports has basically been removed from school. He's brilliant, but he has no way of knowing that because 'everyone's a winner'.

To the poster saying they don't have to do maths and English publicly - they kind of do! Every day at school! My dc is very aware that almost everyone is ahead of him on the book bands, puts their hand up to answer maths question etc. Etc.

What he doesn't know is that he's a better runner than every single one of his classmates, because he's never been allowed to compete. How is that fair?

As my DH and I walked past our local school having its sports day, we remembered our DS who was about 9 or 10, loved playing football, but eye/hand coordination wasn’t very good. The night before sports day, he told us he had been put in skipping race. He had never skipped with a rope before. It was awful, from the off he was way last, slow and virtually walked the whole race, a teacher ran with him the last few yards, but I felt very sorry for him. He also was very angry and told his teachers what he thought of them. The following year he was asked what event he would like to go in.

I can understand - I hated sports day. However, my dd is the opposite and thrives in competitive sporting events. It’s really difficult to get the balance right on encouraging the right ethos for those who may want to do sport for fun or fitness whilst allowing others to compete. I’d personally like a wider range of sporting activities in schools that weren’t necessarily competitive whilst providing competitive trading and opportunities for those who thrive in that environment

I recall a mother at my dd's primary complaining one year about the "mums' race" as it discriminated against fat mothers! (It's never compulsory to take part and most of us didn't want to make a fool of ourselves in front of the kids/ the kids didn't want to die of embarrassment watching us etc)🙄

When do you get invited to school to watch the good readers recite poetry and their own stories while your son stutters through a poor composition? Come on, it doesn’t happen.

By that standard (your son has to watch others in class) he shines in P.E lessons. Or he can perhaps start a competitive sport where he can build confidence.

I hate sports day as a parent. DS tries hard and willingly participates. He’s never won anything - usually in B teams and somewhere near last throughout primary. The same kids win every race and prize every single year without fail. These are usually those who are the best academically. I don’t know why they can’t arrange events to give others a chance. It’s such a public display also. I couldn’t care less if DS participated in another sports day as he has other strengths, but he seems happy to.

Primary schools seem unable to grasp the damage they do to some children with enforced competitive sport.

After six sports days, my DS very calmly told me that he would kill himself rather than take part in another. Why would a generally happy, normal 10 yo boy say that?

First PE lesson at senior school, he burst into tears, said he couldn't do it and walked out. His self confidence had been completely wrecked by the attitude at primary. Thankfully the sports teachers at his senior school know what they are doing and now three years later he is willingly taking part, almost enjoying himself and confidence is restored.

Don't let it get that bad. I should have intervened earlier. Listen to your child if they are distressed, take steps to bolster their confidence and give them a pass from sports days if they agree to join in PE lessons the rest of the year.

Learning to accept there are things you are not good at is an important lesson. As is still trying your best.

But why? In adult life how often do you have enforced lacrosse matches that you ‘just have to accept?’

People have all these random excuses for why sports day is so super important but none of them make any sense.

Because it will teach them to take pride in person achievement rather than winning. Doing your best is sufficient.

A lot of the people who dislike Sports day are actually very competitive and want their child to win. If you treat it for what it is, simply trying your hardest, then it's fine.

I also think it's a pity to close kids off to sports at an early age and tell them it doesn't matter.

Honestly, imagine if someone was saying the same things about other subjects.

Sports day is good. And it's good for the kids who may not be very academic. And it's a good thing for the kids who aren't very sporty to do something out of their comfort zone - like the non academic kids do every day.

Yep utterly horrific for my dyspraxia ASD child (and me!)

I hated competitive sports as a child and after 14yrs old have never, ever done any kind of team games again. I am a healthy, happy person! There is far too much ‘when you’re an adult you’ll have to do x y z” when in reality, we don’t. Thank goodness.

We had sports day on Thursday. My son is a leaver in Yr 6. It was a fun day. My son is a big kid and very tall but he gave it his all, he's never going to sprint to the finish but being part of it was all that mattered. Fortunately our school is really inclusive and encouraging. What I found sad was the notable absence of several kids in his class because that child might be a bit overweight, or not sporty or whatever else. It seemed such a shame. It was such a fun day for them, we had a big "family picnic" and the year 6's were given loads of fuss. Nobody was "flaunting" things and the winner award went to a house rather than individuals. It's a real shame if what should be a fun event becomes so stressful for some.

Went to dds first one this year. She was overwhelmed and confused by the excited shouting of larger kids all around her and lack of supervision in their groups. Couldn't see or hear the teachers giving instructions. Didn't know where her own teachers were or which adult was in charge, needed the loo and there was no one to ask.... all in the baking sun for three hours....

After standing in a line of 20 kids for ages for her turn in a running race, where she was the freaked out by all the attention of having to run o front of the whole school, she just sat down on the side of the field and cried.

No one noticed her there, she was just crying on her own for ages. I had to break out of the parents zone and go and get her. The whole thing was awful.

I'm thinking we may have the day off next year

And unlike me she was actually quite fast, nearly won her race

Yes , and that happens in weekly PE lessons at every school in the country.

But enforced ritual humiliation in front of 300 people is not necessary and helps no-one. It's brutal and turns so many kids off sport. Guess where the obesity crisis starts?